I just started talking to a guy & we met on instagram. We instantly connected.. me being weary of men, many of times I stopped responding and he would reach back out and was very interested in keeping in touch. We had a 5 hour phone call that went amazing & you could tell neither of us wanted to hang up. We discussed so much and he brought up us moving this forward potentially ect. I was so excited to get to know him more and maybe see where this could go. After the phone call I didn’t hear from him all night which is fine. We finally spoke and he mentioned how he learned that from the phone call I’m amazing & beautiful and have such a kind heart.. and then he hit me with the dreaded “I don’t want a relationship right now” this hurt and he said it’s best if we are just friends.. I told him no and he was pretty shocked by that answer (he’s very good looking and I think he’s used to getting what he wants with woman) he said he doesn’t see me as a friend but right now wants to.. i told him I don’t see him as one and that doesn’t work for me. He again seemed a little taken back and I didn’t respond.. he again sent another message mentioning how this isn’t one of those situations where he’s going to end up dating somebody in two or three months he just really doesn’t wanna date right now.. I again left him on read.. I’m just really hurt and I always end up with these guys and I dunno how to stop when they show me all the signs that they are looking for someone too? Like why pretend? Just can’t tell who’s serious anymore.
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I honestly don’t get it either. What is the purpose of dating if you’re not looking for a relationship?
It’s like going fishing but you keep pulling the line back in right before the fish bites. Why even go fishing then? Because you like to see the bait get wet? Fishing is a whole experience. A real fisherman enjoys fishing even if he’s not catching anything.
People need to realize that there is more to dating than casual sex. It’s like they’ve gotten so used to it that they’re completely unable to form the kind of attachment to someone that’s required for a lasting relationship. I fear for the future of humanity if this keeps up lol.
I’m gonna applaud you for shutting him down completely hahaha. Good on you.
Unfortunately a LOT of people lie and fake to try to get sex or romantic attention and they make dating terrible for everyone who wants something serious.
I know it’s frustrating but you have good instincts so it might just be a numbers thing. Time will show the fakers. And it’s nothing personal to you, they’re doing it to anyone who will listen.
I’ve dealt with this quite a bit also. I think it’s like an ego boost for them. They just wanna know they can pull you, and then once they know you’re down, they’ve gotten their ego boost and that’s all they needed.
I only date to find a relationship. But then again, I’m a boomer. I learned respect at an early age.
> We had a 5 hour phone call that went amazing
> and then he hit me with the dreaded “I don’t want a relationship right now” this hurt and he said it’s best if we are just friends
> he said he doesn’t see me as a friend but right now
> he just really doesn’t wanna date right now
Maybe try shaking it up and not have a 5hr long conversations with guys you haven’t met in person? Wait to have a long conversation on a first date.
It’s okay to get to know a bit about someone to vet who they are & make sure they aren’t an axe murdered cause hello, the recent Long Island serial killer went on dates with women he was targeting, while his wife was out of town as a great example!
Anyway…
The reason why you truly want to shake up your dating pattern is to see if it changes the outcome you keep having.
Always texting too much? Try texting less with someone you match with to see if it changes things.
Over share too much? Maybe pace yourself and let things trickle out over time.
Make yourself too available? Try making yourself available for the people who’ve earned it and stuck around, but do not give do much to a complete stranger you just matched with online. Let them earn that spot, not give to them blindly a spot in your life.
It’s all about recognize what you keep doing and what you can try to do change up to see if results change going forward.
It’s trial and error when you do this, like science experiment to figure out what new way to approach dating works best to get the best results!
Likely after reflecting on your long phone call he realized that you’re not romantically compatible. He might think you’re cool but not right for him, or was hoping to remain friends and maybe spin it into an FWB thing. Maybe you’ve got some deal breakers or red flags or maybe just some differences in values that he’s wise enough to know won’t work long term. Who’s to know… either way don’t get into a relationship that you don’t want, don’t be friends with someone who wants a romantic relationship or vice versa, it just ends up being painful for someone.
Been there. They just want to hook you. Probably don’t consider you to be on the same social rung as them.
Who cares why? He’s a trash person.
I’m sorry you got hurt. But also you didn’t sleep with him so YAY.
You did the right thing. You both don’t want the same things so its best to cut off communication