My (25F) uncle (65M) came out as gay earlier this year. My entire life, I’ve never seen him in any relationship (heterosexual or otherwise!), so I don’t have any experience asking him about people he’s seeing etc.
I absolutely love my uncle and I am genuinely so excited for him and hopeful that he can start a new and authentic next chapter. I want him to feel supported, and I’m trying to figure out how to balance 1. Asking enough questions that he doesn’t feel like this part of him is being swept under a rug, but 2. Not asking so many questions that it either overwhelms him or comes across as superficial.
Any advice or guidance is appreciated in advance.
Edit: wording change from patronizing to superficial
11 comments
I don’t really think your uncle would want to be treated any differently. Just because someone comes out as gay doesn’t mean you’re obligated to ask them questions. In their mind they probably just want to be clear with the people they’re closest to that they’re not hiding anything and that is their identity.
I mean if you’re generally curious and have questions feel free to ask. But I don’t think your uncle did it for attention or to ask for support, it’s probably just tiring being in the closet.
I would just treat him normally, like you always would.
Honestly, you don’t have to ask any questions unless you have questions you want to ask. You can just tell him, “I’m happy that you feel comfortable being your authentic self to us, and I want you to know that I support you completely.”
Don’t make his sexuality the thing that defines him. Simply offer your support and be there when he wants it
So what’s the problem? He’s the same guy as before.
I’d ask him what size of c0ck he prefers, adding “I bet at least 35cm, I can totally see you there” without letting him time to reply
“Hey Uncle, wanna hit the clubs and pick up some guys to bang?”
“Seen any cute guys lately? Does he have a brother?”
Say this to him “how can I support you?”
Just tell him you are so excited for him and feel super honored to be part of the world that he trust enough to open up about this personal detail to. You have always loved him and will be his wingman any minute haha
Thats it
“Hey I heard the news, and I would love to learn about your perspective without making you feel pushed into anything. I’m definitely happy for you and I’m on your side, I just don’t know how to communicate this in a way that doesn’t make you feel weird.”
Translate it from my broken English into actual English.
Just be honest, and don’t worry too much. He’s 65, he’s seen so much more weird stuff and it definitely doesn’t phase him as much as you worry.
“Hey uncle, I love you, I support you and I am proud that you are my uncle.” Then … continue to treat him as your uncle. Him being gay means nothing in this context.