I was studying then I had intrusive thoughts that I would cheat on girlfriend so I started writing in my notes that I would never cheat on her. (I like to write down my thoughts so that I dont doubt them later). When I was writing this down. A memory crossed my mind. I remembered that I thought that I would cheat on my girlfriend if I found a laying pornstar in my bed. I’m feeling anxious and guilty and dont know what to do. I’m wondering if I should tell her does she deserve to know or should I shut up
TL;DR: I thought of a scenario where i would cheat in the past and I’m wondering if my girlfriend deserves to know
EDIT: I would like to point out that the cheating scenario is not a random intrusive thought. I remember thinking that “In this hypothetical situation, I would cheat on my gf”
Any advice would be appreciated
9 comments
1. Don’t tell her. Ever. Even if you’re doing it to be honest it will destroy her for a long time
2. What made you decide that was the scenario? Most people in relationships can see sexual attraction in others, this is normal, as long as you don’t act on it or it overtakes your attraction to the GF. Maybe you have something you’d like to try, could you bring that up with her?
3. Does your GF know you watch porn? If not it’s something to mention, some people do view it as cheating or a dealbreaker
We are allowed some secrets in relationships. Especially when it comes to passing thoughts. Firstly- Would there ever be a pornstar lying in waiting on your bed? Extremely unlikely lol. I am convinced that I would dead set cheat on my bf with my fave celebrity crush. No hesitation. But do I tell him that? No I dont. Lol. Those thoughts are between me and me. I’m more likely to win the lotto. Other than those thoughts- I’m faithful and loyal. Just be a good partner and don’t beat yourself up for passing thoughts. You’re only human! Don’t rock the boat unnecessarily and cause insecurity in your partner if you’re not actually likely to cheat and it was just a thought. If you’re having those thoughts because you’re not happy with her or your relationship that’s a whole different conversation and yes you should be open about that sort of thing. (such as “I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship” not “I’d prefer to sleep with better looking women”- you get my drift, be kind)
No. You need to find a way to deal with your intrusive thoughts without burdening others needlessly.
If intrusive thoughts are interfering with your daily life, a therapist is a good place to start.
They are intrusive thoughts. They are our anxious minds playing tricks on us. You momentarily humouring the idea that if an impossible situation happened you might go with it is part of that. But you know, and always have, that you don’t want to cheat and it is unlikely you ever would, right?
Given that I think you are best keeping it to yourself. She won’t get anything from knowing the nature of your intrusive thoughts. However a therapist might be required if you feel like they are overwhelming you.
She doesn’t need to know. Nor would I want to know.
If I hadn’t saw the ages in the title I’d be like wtf is this shit. This is definitely no something you worry about as you get older.
Don’t burden your gf with a thought you had — relationships aren’t depositions and we don’t need to know every thought that passes through our partner’s mind. I’m guessing my own partner would say that he’d have to do it if a certain movie star showed up naked in his bed, and so what? He’s more likely to get attacked by a shark or struck by lightning. We often joke that is Keanu Reeves showed up at my door, he’d have to give me a pass. You’re way overthinking and feeling way too guilty for a thought here. Good luck
Honestly, it all ultimately depends on your relationship with your girlfriend, how mature y’all are, and how secure y’all are/how well you know each other.
My (bisexual)fiance and I have jokingly given each other ‘hall passes’ for, for example, David Tennant and/or Matt Mercer. We both know they’re hot as heck, and we both know that it’ll never actually happen in a million years. We don’t get insecure when we point out someone’s attractive, but we *also* specifically limit it to only people we don’t know personally.
You and your girlfriend are super young, and with that comes a special sort of insecurity in your place in the world and in relationships.. no offense. :/ It’s just inexperience with the world and being in the middle of hormones and growing up. So.. unless you **100% know she’s the type to enjoy this sort of banter**, it’s really not necessary at all to bring it up.
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…Wait, I saw a post yesterday or the day before with this *almost* identical story, except the OP stated that he’d *already* told his girlfriend about this hypothetical situation with a porn star in his bed and him being willing to cheat – and she broke up with him and he was panicking over it. What the heck is going on here? 🤔
Do you have OCD? This sounds like a symptom of OCD that I deal with and it’s like I have to self report or “tell on myself.”
This is not something to burden your SO with. It *IS* something to talk to your doctor about 🤍