hi, i really dont know if this is the right subreddit for this but i have no idea where else to put it and the situation is slowly killing me.
in short the situation goes something like this:
my friend for the story will be ‘jake’
his friend will be known as ‘amy’
\-i was introduced to amy by jake earlier this year over some interest we both shared.
\-we began talking and for about 3 months and i thought everything was going great and that we were slowly developing a good friendship. we would talk endlessly for hours, we would meet up every so often and it was always extremely fun.
\-around the 4th month three things happened: amy began to slowly take more time to respond and became less engaged in any conversations we did have (but what i dont get was she would also remind me when i asked if she liked beings friends with me that she did truly did like me and that she did think i was fun to talk to), she would also go on to cancel two sets of plans we had made to meet up together and whilst this was all happening i also began to realise i liked amy \~quite a bit\~ and it soon became what was pretty much an obsession.
\-amys change in frequency and style of texting really upset me for some reason and this was made worse by my sudden realisation of feelings towards her.
\-i think i started to annoy amy with my constant messaging and now she slowly started to take longer and longer to respond and now showed little engagement in any conversation we did have.
\-around month 6 amy told me that she thinks we should stop talking because its unhealthy for me and this fucking killed me. she also told me that we arent actually that close and that i just think we are. this all sucked because i liked her \~alot\~.
im starting to come to terms with the fact that what she said might be true but i still cant seem to get over her altogether, she genuinely seemed perfect; we shared a ton of interests, she matched my personality pretty well (i felt like she was the only one who really got me), she was really affectionate – which i loved – and she was just really pretty and a joy to be around. even if i could never have a relationship with her, im still extremely saddened and pissed off with myself that i fucked up the opportunity for a good friendship that couldve been prevented if i only supressed any of my feelings towards her.
another by-product of this is that i am also now extremely fucking jealous of jake and amys friendship (I know this isnt a good thing to feel but I cant seem to help it) because i realise that due to my feelings i will never have any form of relationship with amy at all now. the thought that i have a mutual connection to amy just makes me extremely depressed because she seems so close yet so far away and that if i wanted to reach out to her again i could, but i would only be rejected. i dont really know how to explain the feeling very well but i guess its just the feeling of having something you want so close but knowing you will never be able to act or reach out towards it.
to conclude what i wanted to ask here was: how do i stop feeling insane amounts of emotional attachment, feelings and obsession over girls when they want to become my friend??
any advice is welcome as i would like to learn to get over her because its currently leaving me rotting in my room alone all summer feeling like absolute shit. (i also apologise for any spelling or grammatical errors its like 4 am here).
ty <3