edit: blocking or reporting any transphobic comments. you lot are disgusting. I am NOT leaving my boyfriend. I just want advice.
my (21f) bf (22m) is a trans man. we’ve been together for 1.5 years and had a great relationship and sex life.
I’ve always felt so lucky to have him bc he is great with sex and likes giving (good for me as i was inexperienced before him).
ive never been bothered by the fact that he doesn’t have a real dick, however recently I’ve been feeling a bit odd. I feel bad, but I’ve felt jealous of girls with cis boyfriends. this is bc I love being dicked down lol, but I don’t receive it much bc we use a strap on obviously and it’s not as fun to be wearing it when u can’t feel it. so naturally I don’t receive dick as much. I was never bothered but for some reason (maybe we’ve been using it much less that usual which I haven’t realised?) it’s been bothering me more and I sometimes wish he had a real dick. I wanna receive it more, I wanna blow it more. I just think I prefer it tbh 🙁 and I feel so guilty for feeling this way because I really love him.
we spoke about a threesome with a cis guy soon but recently I felt weird to do it and he also said he wasn’t sure anymore bc ironically he was worried about me liking dick more 😭😭 and also didn’t want another man touching me lol. now I feel more comfortable with the idea again and I could suggest it just so i can experience it once? also for him as he’d like dick too lol.
but let’s say the threesome never happens, what can I do? I don’t like asking out of the blue for him to use the dick on me. idk what to do. I’m just feeling like I’m missing something and it also means I can’t engage in all kinks I like such as free use cos it wouldn’t be real. any advice? I can’t say this outright to him because it will make him feel awful and never enough. I need alternatives.
15 comments
You just need to find a non threatening guy for a threesome. This could work in the right circumstance!
You mentioned strap ons not being an option because the wearer can’t feel it. There are tons of types of strapons, including ones that have vibrators and dildos on them for the wearer. Look into those, best of both worlds. I think one of them is called the feeldoe, but it’s not my domain.
Are you sexually satisfied from vagina play at all? If not you may have to get real and explain you need dick!
You said he is afraid you will like dick more and doesnt want anyone touching you. That sounds like you will damage him if not carful and push for it.. even if it doesnt happen so be tactical in how you do it. I personally would say dont even. If youre good with him using strap on Im sure you can just say “I feel like taking the cock!” and hand it to him to suit up?
I’m guessing that I don’t understand the trans man dynamic, but shouldn’t he be wearing the dick 100% of the time?
It’s a reality that trans people have to deal with. At the end of the day most people have a preference for one or the other and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think having a threesome inside the relationship is a mistake, it sounds like a certainty that you’re going to respond overwhelmingly to the penis and that’s going to be a massive blow for your boyfriend. A trans male boyfriend might just not be right for you and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re transphobic because of it.
It’s OK to want to be with a man and not with a trans man.
The fact you feel bad about this makes me kinna sad.
I’d say it’s COMPLETELY natural for a woman to want a man, and vice versa. It’s just nature ! Nature doesn’t just change because of enlightenment. Go get some real dick, be happy.
Hopefully your SO is onboard and wants to see you happy.
I honestly think that you really need to spend some time considering how exactly to approach the conversation because it does need to happen. Some advice here might be useful but nobody knows your partner like you do.
I do think however, assuming that they would take offense to you requesting the strap on being used more frequently is not really a good thing on your part. Rather than giving them the courtesy of allowing them to express how they feel about it, you are (at the moment at least) denying them the opportunity to do right by your needs. This is not meant to sound like an attack on you or anything, it’s very common for people to avoid “suspected negative confrontation”. In my experience, taking the time to approach the conversation at a good time, with well thought out words that are direct, and being willing to listen to their response to it compassionately, tends to go over better than not having the conversation, feeling trapped, building resentment towards yourself and them, and then having it boil over into a much bigger deal than it would have been, had you just given them the opportunity to understand how you feel when escalated feelings were not involved.
I personally think the threesome is a bad idea unless at this point it is your partners idea to bring up the actual plan for it to occur. If you bring up either of these first, A) wanting to use the strap on more, or B) wanting to consider a threesome again, your need to “want penetration” is going to get conflated with “wanting actual dick”. Which by all means, if you want “actual” dick, then I think you’re probably not in the right relationship, unless the two of you are able to put in some serious effort to establishing boundaries when it comes to threesomes.
In short, when we assume what people think, we presume to be able to know what they think. Don’t even go down that road. Just take some serious time and come up with the way you want to bring it up, whether casually or more formally, in the bedroom or out of it, and then execute your plan. Your needs are important, and they need to understand that, and you need to allow them to understand it without trying to beat around the bush excessively, or by sidestepping it.
I think a good option would be to find a strap on which can give you both pleasure.
Is your partner planning to get bottom surgery?
Maybe look into his needs first and than he’ll want to repay you as well. Just a thought.
> I don’t like asking out of the blue for him to use the dick on me. idk what to do.
Well he can’t very well read your mind. You’ve got to speak up for what you want. It would be the same with a CIS man as well. You’d have to tell him what you want
You’re a woman and your physical parts mean it’s perfectly normal (and even expected) that you’d enjoy penetration, I don’t think that’ll be any surprise to your guy, and I (while freely admitting I know nothing about trans people, I don’t think I’ve ever even actually met 1) would think that as a man your bf would enjoy penetrating you. Perhaps try to frame it more as you want penetration than you want “dick.”
and 1 thing I do know (& the reason I’m commenting despite knowing nothing about the actual subject) is that it’s not fair to assume what he may be thinking, feeling, wanting or enjoy. I was in a bad car accident and deal with chronic pain and noticed that my guy wasn’t initiating nearly as often as before, after talking I finally figured out that it was bc he knew I was hurting and was assuming I wouldn’t want to have sex. I thanked him for keeping in mind how I was physically feeling but pointed out it wasn’t fair for him to not offer sex on the assumption I was in pain and wouldn’t want it, therefore *making the decision for me.*
Maybe you could try a hollow strap on that allows a bullet vibrator or an add on meant for the wearer’s pleasure in the shaft. That way your partner could receive pleasure while dicking you down. Maybe that would lead to more strap on use and could help you feel less self-conscious since your partner is receiving pleasure too and not only doing it for you.