How do I stop being so desperate for girls?

14 comments

1. Stop seeking validation from other people. Work on yourself for yourself and develop confidence. It’s hard work and takes time but it’s the only way and you can’t fake it. Anything you want someone else to see and believe about you, you have to see and believe about yourself first. Women can spot fake confidence from a mile away.

2. Find something else to be desperate about, like a hobby or something.

3. Fill you time with other stuff like reading, writing, hobbies & don’t seek validation from women seek it from yourself. Last & most importantly…..STOP GIVING A FUCK bruh

4. Chase excellence,not people.

5. Therapy and the willingness to stop looking for your identity in others. Girls are individuals like you, not goals you can achieve if you just say and do all the right things. Rather than interact with them in order to get something, interact because they’re actually cool people to get to know. Diving a bit deeper, consider your childhood and whether you might have had some emotional neglect growing up. Your problem isn’t girls. That’s just the symptom.

6. Here’s the best advice I can give you. Realize how fortunate you are being single and learn to be happy being single. You’re eighteen and have your whole life ahead of you. There will be plenty of time for relationships and girls later. Right now though, you are able to do practically anything you want to without worrying about another person you’re in a relationship with. If you want to go on a random roadtrip or something you can and you don’t have to worry about how that will affect a significant other.

   One thing that I’ve learned in my life is that the best relationships can happen when you’re not looking for them. The experiences will come, so don’t worry.

7. stop feeling sorry for yourself. you are young. give yourself time and stop comparing yourself with others

8. Honestly that’s the paradox of women. Once you don’t want them, they want you. I say build yourself in every aspect of life because a women is not the end goal. You think you can find a girlfriend and relax and life’s all good? Nah, she’s gonna test and poke at everything you have. So it’s best to have everything in order before you bring a girl into your situation.

9. Remain single or not having girlfriend is not a sin. Tell this to yourself by practicing daily. Moreover, stop critising over yourself based on the fact that u have not been able to have gf.. Focus on your personal & professional growth. Remind yourself that An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

   Lastly, always try to remain the way you are (Acceptance of your own personality).. I know it is difficult but NOT IMPOSSIBLE..

10. There’s some good advice in this thread, I’ll take a stab at adding to it.

    first, your goal of “get a girlfriend” is very shortsighted and will 100% get in your way and not lead you to a happy or fulfilling relationship. What you should look for, imo, is someone who you like, who you are attracted to, who shares your values, and who compliments your life.

    Don’t pursue a relationship, or life, by just trying to check off boxes. “✅ go to college, ✅ get career, ✅ get promoted, ✅ get girlfriend.” Although all of those can be good things, in and of themselves they are hollow without you adding in value to them. Why do you want those things? Understand the why, and then direct your life based on what will help make you happiest.

    Additionally if your life is an exercise of box checking, any girl will do, and no girl will feel special just being the one so you can check that off. And it will likely come across, even if you don’t tell them.

    Second, make sure, if you’re pursuing a relationship, that you actually like them as a person. Also make sure you can identify faults, such as ‘can be really annoying before she’s had coffee.’ If you can’t see faults, you aren’t seeing the whole person and you are likely falling in love with a fantasy. Stay in reality, it can Be harder but long term it’s much better.

    Third, learn self respect. Learn self love. If you think you’re ugly, they will too. I’m skipping out a lot of the interim texts but trust me, for almost all of us that’s how it works. Same with self respect, and self love. Why should they love or respect you if you don’t love or respect yourself? How you get there is a little more complicated, but keep that in mind and challenge yourself about it.

    Doing those things will also help you build confidence, because if you respect and love yourself you’re confident being yourself. And nothing is more attractive than all of those things together. That (plus a good sense of humor) is how some otherwise quite unremarkable men end up with women most people would say are way out of their league.

    All of this is geared towards a relationship, most of it are good to do regardless. But if you just want sex you can ignore the stuff on liking her, but that’s a different pursuit and one I’m much less knowledgeable on. But my only advice there is, always ask yourself if you think what you’re doing is ok. If not, don’t do it. It’s a good compass to live by.

    Is ghosting ok? No? Then don’t do it. Yes? Ok then do it if it feels like you need to. Etc.

    Edit: oh other advice form an old fart (30s), take relationships into the real world as much as possible, at least at the beginning. Texting doesn’t lead to as meaningful a relationship in my experience, and imo often gets in the way. Too much of communication and how we bond is rooted in Tone and nonverbal communication. Save conversations for the dates. But i can’t say if this translates down to teenagers, just keep it in mind.

11. If it helps you any, getting a girlfriend won’t stop you from thinking poorly about yourself. You need to feel that way about yourself on your own for it to be a strongly held belief.

    Edit: Also one way to stop seeking something in a situation like yours is to try and not worry about what your peers are doing. Focus on the things you truly want to do. Like is there anything you want to do that isn’t related to relationships and girls?

    BTW things might seem greener on the other side but there is a level of freedom you lose being in relationships. You may miss that once you don’t have it.

12. Specifically around dating.

    1) Pursue, don’t chase. There is a subtlety there.

    2) Think about how much effort the girl is putting in to pursue. Unfortunately guys have to take the initiative, but ask yourself if she is following through? Is she reciprocating interest as much as your are giving it? Replace the “does she like me?”thoughts with “is she putting in the work to know me and get with me?”

    3) Find another girl to chat up as well – this is abundance mindset. Knowing that if this girl doesn’t work out, more fish in the sea. It’s not if to know the phrase, but to align your actions with the idea.

13. Man you’re still so young, you’re likely a “late bloomer.” Best thing you can do at 18 is focus on what you can control. This includes things like exercising, eating clean, skincare, grooming, hobbies to make yourself more interesting, and accumulating resources. Just like we are attracted to girls that are interesting, and attractive the same goes for girls. Girls just seem to be attracted to different things than guys. There’s a couple layers to the game but it boils down mostly to looks, resources, and personality. Work on improving those things and before you know it you’ll be the one getting chased.

14. Stop worshipping the ground they walk on, see them as human beings and just talk to them with the goal of just friendship.