In short – my boyfriend can’t accept that my bodycount is 7 and that I’ve had a foreign adventure too. He himself has only been with one girl together for 8 years before.
I hear reprimands, it’s very painful for him because he has different moral norms to me. We also have the good days, but there are also the bad ones.
I feel very guilty that I have such a past and that he now has to drink antidepressants because of me.
How do I better deal with this situation? With him, I see a future either way.
28 comments
He needs therapy
Honestly you can’t, yes those thoughts do suck as I am also a guy lol , but at one point you do have to grow up and accept that things happened that are out of your control , but he has you now , honestly only advice that helped me is knowing or getting the attention that I really was the greatest mf ever you know! Just hype him up a lot && make him realize how great he is regardless of anything, but personally for him he has to stick with it until he gets there and or grows up , taking anti deps cause your girls had a live before you is not cause for depression , and if it is then he does need a bit of maturing.
He needs *serious* help if he “can’t accept” that you’ve slept with 7 people before him.
There is no reason to feel guilty, and if he claims that he needs antidepressants because of that – I’m not sure this is sustainable.
Open and honest communication is key. Initiate a calm and respectful conversation with your boyfriend to express your feelings and understand his concerns better. Let him know that you value your relationship and that you are willing to work through the difficulties together. Encourage him to share his perspective openly without judgment, allowing for a more profound understanding of each other’s feelings.
Respect and empathy are vital in this situation. Recognize that both of you come from different backgrounds and have diverse life experiences, which can shape your moral norms and values. It’s crucial to respect each other’s choices and past without passing judgment. Emphasize that everyone’s past contributes to shaping who they are today and that it’s essential to embrace self-acceptance.
Setting boundaries in the relationship can also be beneficial. Establish what topics are sensitive or off-limits, and ensure that both of you understand and respect these boundaries. This can create a safe space for open and honest discussions while avoiding hurtful confrontations.
While you may feel guilty about your past and its impact on your boyfriend, it’s essential to recognize that you are not responsible for his emotional well-being entirely. Encourage him to communicate his feelings and seek support if needed. If he’s struggling with his emotions, suggest considering professional help such as therapy or counseling, which can provide a safe space for him to explore his feelings and cope with any challenges he faces.
As you see a future with him regardless of the situation, focus on building a strong foundation of trust, love, and mutual understanding. Reflect on your values and long-term compatibility as a couple, ensuring that you share similar goals and are willing to work through any differences that arise.
You sound like you have had a fun and adventurous life. I am sure he is a good guy, but he is just too insecure. If you really feel like he is “the one,” then you guys will need couples therapy. Find someone who is sex positive. Nobody has the right to shame you.
If he is not “the one,” it is time to move on to the next adventure.
Good luck.
It’s gonna be a hard one. He knows your amount of bodies and what he’s preferring and that it doesn’t align (and can’t really, as it is what it is, you can’t change the past nor should.)
And it’s affecting him negatively. I don’t want to be that guy, but unless he learns to actually accept it and change his preferences, ultimately the only way for both parties to be happy would be to go your separate way to someone more “fitting” to their preferences.
Girl this guy is a prude loser. You do not need to justify your life or choices to anybody. 1 girl 8 years?? Don’t you want someone with nor experience lol.
You might be better off finding someone you’re more compatible with. This guy will have moral and ethical issues when and if you guys have a family later in life. He won’t change. He’ll judge you and make you feel inferior every fight you guys have. It’s his insecurity about his lack of sexual experience. And his desire to stay in a relationship and lack of relationships in general. This guy needs to grow up. Anyone asking you what your ‘body count is’ can get [fucked](https://www.tiktok.com/@podments_/video/7214245505876921605).
Nah, I feel annoyed when people just call him insecure…. Understand that this is important for many men, this changes the way he viewed you and your relationship… He feels like there’s nothing special about it specialty if he’s the kind of guy that looks for long term relationships…. 8 years with 1 partner, good for him, not many like that nowadays… Now, you had your right too but shit has consecuences, 7 at 24 is high to many men and right now he must be feeling you are not long term relationship material, or wife on that matter
I’m just telling you what may be going through his head, you gave away your intimacy to 7 men, maybe 8 with the abroad thing freely, no compromise so.. why should he? What’s special in it, what does that say about you, and how is that going to reflect on him?
Maybe you are incompatible and that’s fine, tal to him, hear him out, reassure him and wait… This may be something he won’t get past over and that’s ok, if it comes to that, break up and both of you can find a more suitable partner
He has different morals?
He had sex before marriage. You had sex before marriage. You’re equal morally.
This isn’t anything you can help him fix. You can start being much firmer with his digs.
Have the mental view “I’m not putting up with this bullshit” and let that attitude inform your behaviour.
It’s actually amazing what shifting the power does in this type of situation. The response to unreasonable attacks should be strength not apology.
Wtaf is wrong with having 7 different guys? Just because he’s only dated one person doesn’t make him better. Women need to stop giving AF about guys who make a big deal about stupid controlling patriarchal shit like that.
Would he be so bothered if the numbers were reversed. I somehow doubt it.
I was the same when I was 18/19 but still having serious trouble with this at 27 is definitely concerning maturity wise… 1. you shouldnt feel guilty about your past, thats not you now 2. drink antidepressants because of you? what does that even mean, do you mean hes on anti depressants? and says its because of you? if thats the case he definitely shouldnt be on them and thats borderline abusing the medication and he shouldnt be blaming you in the first case, thats some middle school type shit
It’s better that you just part ways, so much drama is not good. I have dated people with high body count’s but i would never compromise to them. It’s just how you are can’t change that.
It’s better that you just part ways, so much drama is not good. I have dated people with high body count’s but i would never compromise to them. It’s just how you are can’t change that.
You don’t need a judgmental partner who shames you for acting like a normal adult woman.
No, no, no. Don’t stay with someone who is so completely toxic that he makes you feel as if you need to be ashamed of something you did (which by the way you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about). If he’s taking anti depressants for this, that’s entirely on him – this is the first in a long line of behaviour to control you. how can you possibly see a future with someone who judges you for things you did before you even met??
That’s not many at all, as a guy I’m leery of a girl that’s going over 15-20 – he’s got an insecurity problem that’s as old as the hills, got discussed two days ago in the sub, comes up constantly.
I think y’all are missing the part where she says she sees a future with him. She’s looking for advice to help her situation.
My husband was the same way. He was a virgin and I was with one other person before him. And he’s the type to wanna know about my past as well. It was hard for him to get over but he never held it against me. I would sit down with your man and talk about boundaries. Just say that you no longer feel comfortable talking about your past so much because it doesn’t matter anymore. As far as his feelings go, he needs to stop forcing them onto you. I can be a jealous person but I never force my thoughts onto my husband because I know that I’m the one who needs to control it.
Idk when this information came out to him, but if it was more recent I can understand but if it was at the beginning… he needs to grow up.
I would assume that this isn’t in the West, cuz 7 is basically a virgin in today’s day and age. Most likely he saw future with you too and his “standards” either need reevaluation or it’s time for both of you to move on.
I feel like it is natural to be grossed out by a lovers past sexual affairs… I don’t judge my GF because my past is 10x worse, but I still hate when she talks about that and try to change the subject immediately… sometimes honesty is not the best police
Well tough tiddies, It dont matter if it was 2 or 7, he’d still find a way to hurt himself emotionally with that knowledge. He chose to stick with 1 girl for 8 years, thats not on you. That being said, these are the consequences of your actions, but i wouldnt have recommended staying home and stay a virgin or only be with one dude, seems like he expected that from you.
7 isnt even that many he’s just insecure prob feels a bit grossed out but it’s a him issue, insecure asf. You are better off finding someone who isnt insecure and loves you regardless of your past.
I will say that it was a bad move him asking each other’s bodycount, no matter what you say it’s too much if it aint 1 or 0. I’d say anything under 11 is fine. He should just be happy he getting it now.
JFC 7 is not a lot. You have nothing to feel bad about. If he doesn’t want to ‘accept’ it then he can move on, and that’s fine, people have preferences, no issue. But you don’t have to take this guilt trip from him because he’s objectively decided it’s not ok.
I also felt incredible hurt when I found out that after my gf ended her past relationship of 2 years, after some days for the next 4 months she had almost (if not) 10 guys (sexually she just remembers 8) and then me (while talking to many others)… I found out to “late”, if it was before we officially dated, I would be gone.
She told me and showed me them, like a “proud badge”… I felt like she didn’t respect her body, herself, even because she still gets messages from many friends asking for sex, nudes and even fake social media accs of her with nudes…
I try to ignore that because it hurts… every time I remember it’s just a turn off and I want to be alone… and every time we find a new fake social media acc with her nudes, I just want to be alone, that’s what happens when we don’t give us value, when we use our body as a tool to grab/attract someone, people take advantage of us, as a toy.
So it’s gonna always hurt him, he might accept and ignore that some day or he might try accept and some day he won’t be able to deal with it anymore, he will stay with you but he will be cold, sad, will love you but not the same because he is hurt.
It is NOT your job to help your boyfriend feel better about this. It’s literally just your past. HE needs to deal with his bizarre double standards himself. If he leaves because of this, it is NOT your fault. It would be doing you a favor in the long run. He is insecure because he can’t imagine what it’s like to sleep with more than one person. It’s just wrong and unfair and mean to make you feel guilty or insecure about that. This has very much to do with sexism/misogyny – whether he realizes it or not.
Call a halt and walk away. He does not get to lecture you on how many peoole you slept with not demean you for it. In future tell people of course you have had boyfriends but you dont kiss and tell and dont ask them.either about how many they slept with.
“He has different moral norms to me.”
More like he has a preference. Nothing wrong with that. I know people are gonna disagree with me on that but we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree. Back to your situation though, like with a lot of things posted on this subreddit, communication is gonna be key for this problem. Some dudes have an issue with body counts just like some women do. Nothing can be done about either case as its a preference. It is what it is. Just talk it out and if your relationship survives then it survived but it it doesn’t then there’s other fish in the sea for both of you to whip out those fishing poles to catch.
PAUSE!
7 past partners at 24 is a very normal number. There’s not much you can do to better handle the situation. He needs to decide if he wants to work through his jealousy or not. At 27 it will be hard to find a partner that doesn’t have at least a small past
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your “body count” He’s not the person for you. Move on