My fiancé and I have been together for five years and have a child together. I thought he was the love of my life. I finally felt complete and was so in love with the family we had grown. He seemed so content with us. Constantly telling me how thankful he was to have found a woman like me and how much he loved our family. However, he just told me he got another woman pregnant… He seems so devastated by it, but seeing how we have a child together, I’m assuming he knows how it happens.
This honestly disgusts me and makes me question everything he’s ever said to me. I haven’t broken things off with him yet because first, I still love him, even though I hate what he did. And second, I hate the idea of my child growing up in a broken home. I feel like the one suffering most, will be my child. I’m also hesitant because every single past relationship I’ve been in, I’ve been cheated on. I always left, thinking the next guy would actually value and respect me, but they never did. I haven’t dated a certain type either. I’ve dated different races from different social classes, and different crowds of people. My exes couldn’t be more different from each other. This makes me think that maybe this is just what people do now. I don’t know..
If I stay, my child might grow up with the idea that cheating is okay. However, if I leave, I’ll feel like it’s partially my fault my family is broken and I’ll be leaving who I considered my soulmate.
Ultimately, I want to do what’s best for my child and I think I’m too heartbroken and confused to figure out what that is at the moment. I love him very much, but is love enough? What should I do?
25 comments
Staying in a relationship for the child’s sake is a recipe for disaster. Don’t let that be the only reason you’re willing to stay together.
staying for a kid is a recipe for disaster and at the end of day you’ll never be happy and there’s always will be conflict and that’ll be worse for your kid be cause you can’t explain the man to no support both kids you’ll forgive but never forget just something to truly think about
My parents doesn’t have ur exact situation but they are separated. They tried to be together “for the sake of me” which honestly destroyed me. They constantly fight and my mom would tell me to go off social media just so I won’t see my dad’s new girl. It really fkd me up mentally. So if you don’t want ur child mentally damaged like me. Please just tell him to be a good parent and go live ur life. I don’t want anything from my parents now that i’m an adult but to live their best life. Trust me on this, if my parents are GENUINELY happy, i’m also happy.
I would have more respect for myself and end the situation.
Leaving is in no way your fault!
Ughh…
The very basic bond of trust was broken.
Now anytime he goes out without yea or on biss trip it would be hard to not get into that headspace. That sounds like an awful prison to be in.
Not trying to be harsh..but real.
The dude put his dick into another woman. Came inside of her and came back home like it was nothing.
It doesn’t matter what issues you guys were/are going though.
That’s bullshit.
What is clear by his actions he doesn’t respect yea or what connection yea have.
You are worth more than that…..
This is really hard, regardless of the choice you make. I would encourage you to not base the decision to stay off of not wanting your child to grow up w separated parents. Plenty of relationships w kids end. What children need more than anything is love and support from their caretakers—and that can be provided w them living separately. It’s often worse for a child to grow up in a tense, hostile environment, or even just to observe that their parents don’t seem to love or trust each other. Kids are a lot more observant than we think.
Regarding what to do… how open has he been about the affair? What caused him to cheat? How long it went on for? Cheating is often a symptom of a deeper issue in the person and the relationship. I’m not saying you personally did anything wrong—not blaming you in anyway and I deeply empathize w you—but something is going on w him if he feels the need to cheat.
Are you all open to couples therapy along w individual therapy? I think if you all are, and if you still love, respect each other, and want a future together, I think there always can be hope.
Will he do it again? Can you trust him? Can you live w that uncertainty while doing this hard work together? If you’re not sure you can, or want to, you have every right to leave.
I’m not advocating one way or the other bc relationships are complicated, and you know yourself (and the relationship) best. I think you have to be really honest w yourself around how much you think you can trust him, how invested you are, and how much he’s showing you that he’s truly sorry and committed to doing the work to change.
Ain’t your fiancé anymore
Please don’t stay with him. He is not your soulmate. He broke your trust. As a soulmate he had to know how much that would hurt you. And if he knew it would hurt you and still did it he is pure evil. He destroyed your family. You leaving would not make you at fault for anything because he already broke the family. He put his dick in another woman and came home and lied about much he appreciated your family. In your face. lied. You may forgive him for cheating on on you but how can you forgive him that your son has to witness his family getting broken up?
Leave. It’s clear as day.
No, he got away with cheating so he will not stop doing it. You will grow to resent him and it will cause issues in the home and damage your child alot more than standing up for yourself would. You need to leave that man, no matter how sorry he pretends to be, he betrayed you and clearly doesn’t love you a smuchba she pretends he does.
Ma’am you’re a doormat.
Have some respect for yourself and have your child grow up with someone they can respect too.
And you still call him your fiancée???
love is not enough. you should leave. your choices are: become a single parent or raise your kid in a home with two parents who don’t want to be together. when you think of it that way it’s pretty clear.
Get a propper family counselor, not reddit. That is your absolute best hope of getting either the end or the relationship that os best for your child.
Respectfully, where is your dignity?
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect family, they need a happy one 🫶🏻
Respect yourself and stop trying to use the child as a reason for staying in an unhealthy relationship. You think your child would be so selfish that they’d want you to be in a relationship with no trust and where one party has betrayed the other’s trust?
You’re home was broken the second he cheated on you. Staying doesn’t keep the pieces together.
I’m sorry, but are you the one who got another woman pregnant? No? Well, then it’s not your fault. This is simply the consequences of his actions. Whatever you choose is your choice, but please don’t think it’s your fault. It wouldn’t even be partially your fault. Listen to the comments. We’re looking out for you 🫶
Actually if you stand up to him and leave after being mistreated it’s a good example for your child. However if you stay it’s also ok as long as it’s what YOU want and are ok with … but if you’re not ok with it don’t do it just to keep the family together , the child will be proud of their mother if she showed strength
My mother got cheated on when I was a kid and she decided to stay for the sake of me and my siblings. Now that I’m in my mid twenties I wish she would’ve left, I wish she would’ve picked herself and that she would’ve experienced real love. I don’t forgive cheaters, someone who loves you doesn’t put themselves in a place to hurt you. Sorry you are going through this.
Whether you stay together in the long run remains to be seen. You don’t have to decide right now.
What you do need to do is head to your GP/family doctor asap. For 2 things:
1. A full STD screening incl. HPV. Not only was he dumb enough to cheat, he risked your family’s health in the process.
2. A referral to a therapist to work through your emotions and the fallout of his actions in a safe space. This is too much to deal with alone – pls seek this help!
Does he want to continue to be in this relationship with you and work on rebuilding your trust? Do you want him to? What role will he play in this other child’s life if the pregnancy comes to term? There are SO many questions and issues to deal with – give yourself time to do so.
I cannot imagine how you must feel. Sending you a big internet hug.
I hate hearing it called a broken home. My parents separated before I was born. I’ve never known what a real family is. Constantly going back and forth every week to each parents house. Yes, my parents hated each other. They would only speak to coordinate meeting to pick me up, and now that I’m grown they don’t speak at all.
I’m not trying to brag, but I’m 27 now. I make $200k+ a year. I moved from Kentucky to Puerto Rico for an amazing job. I’m finishing my degree. I have an amazing relationship with both parents. What part of that sounds broken? We need to stray away from saying that and people need to stop staying together just because they have kids. There is nothing broken about that. Some couples don’t stay together forever, and sometimes it’s for the best. Everything in life happens for a reason; no matter how bad it is.
That’s my rant. I’m just tired of hearing people call it a “broken home”. Co-parent to the best of your abilities and that child can still go out and be amazing without wallowing in self pity over a “broken home”.