I [30M] found out my partner [28F] cheated on me would you forgive?

31 comments

1. I would break up with her, man- if she did it once she’ll for sure do it again. At least you’re finding out before you get married

2. You don’t need to work through it. She broke the relationship, it’s not on you to fix it. I would move on. You deserve someone who wouldn’t do this to you.

3. How did you find out?

4. >cheated on me with her work colleague about a year ago.

   >they still have been messaging each other up until now.

   Cheating is not only having sex, it’s also having an emotional relationship. She admitted to sleeping with him once but she’s also been talking to him until now. Sexting, nudes, etc. That is cheating.

   >She said she has been wanting to tell me for a while.

   She’s lying. She was never going to tell you. She told her friends about this guy and continued talking to him…

   To answer your question- No, I would not forgive my partner for cheating on me, especially not a partner who thinks they can fool me by playing me stupid.

   At least you found out before you married her.

5. Get the fuck out. Even you think you’ll accept and move along and forget it and look past it, it’s likely every fight or argument will bring this shit up in your head. Not worth it.

6. Take the puppy and leave.

7. Very sorry for what you’re going through. While I firmly believe that people can change, OP, I would not proceed with a wedding. If you’re looking for advice check out the asoneininfidelity sub which is dedicated to reconciliation- you can see how challenging it is.

8. Take your time to process what you found. There is no pressure to make a decision right away.

   Once you’re ready, consider the fact that this women agreed to marry you knowing she had completely betrayed you. That she did not have the decency to tell you. That she only admitted to it when you found out about it yourself.

   You deserve someone who would never put you in this position. I would leave her. I’m sorry this happened and best of luck to you.

9. 1) You found out on your own, she didn’t tell you
   2) She told her FRIENDS before you, the person she cheated on
   3) Doesn’t sound like she had any remorse
   4) she went on about her days, not caring how much she hurt you,meven after engagement

   I’d ask her to stay with friends or family for a bit and strongly consider why you want this relationship to continue

10. Take the puppy and go. She cheated on you, still kept contact and told others…what? Was she bragging with what she got away with? Do you want to be in a relationship with someone, always questioning? RUN RUN AWAY. She isn’t worth it, find someone better. If you truly and honestly loved you in the first place, she would have never cheated.

11. There are multiple trust issues here.

    The cheating.

    The lying.

    The fact she accepted your proposal knowing that she was actively lying to you.

    The fact she adopted a living being with you. (This one and the engagement indicate she’s been trying to bind you to her so you would feel “too invested” to dump her, meaning she’s been deliberately manipulative)

    The fact you found out on your own but she claims she wanted to tell you…. that’s utter bullshit. She never would have told you but wants you to think she would have.

    You will never trust her again. And you shouldn’t.

12. Why are you even considering this? You have been with her for years. She then slept with another man, and you know it was more than once, said yes to your proposal knowing that she committed the ultimate betrayal, and is STILL communicating with him.

    Nope your way out of this relationship

13. I was cheated on when I was pregnant. My (now ex) husband was extremely remorseful & cried for weeks. We did counseling, individual & couples. We had an “open door policy….I could check his phone, computer, wallet, & vehicle any time I wanted. We did date nights. A couples retreat. Ultimately I just couldn’t get over it. It wasn’t so much that he did it, it was that he did it while I was in such a vulnerable state (pregnant) AND with a girl I had warned him about repeatedly. As for you, is this something you think you can get over? Does she still work with this guy? Was she honest about their time together? Will she allow you to check her phone, computer, purse, and/or vehicle if you ask? Most importantly, do you think she’ll do it again? Think about these things before you decide on what to do.

14. Failed the faithful girlfriend and future wife test. What else is she not telling you. She showed you who she is by her actions do not expect anything different going forward. Go find someone who is not going to inflict emotional and mental abuse for their own selfish needs. Move on dude.

15. i’m coming from personal experience when i say this once they realize what you will let slide and “work on fixing” there just going to keep doing it they find other ways to hide things to be more secretive about it everyone has said once a cheater always a cheater i think there is way more to this story then she is telling listen to your gut and do what is right would you want to still marry this person knowing that they decided to lay in bed with another man possibly multiple times and still come home to you and love you

16. My man she is trying to damage control by saying she has felt like telling you for a while but the truth is, if you hadn’t checked her phone you would still be in the dark about it. Don’t marry this girl mate. I’m sorry sounds done.

17. No matter you do right now as far as breaking up goes, call off the wedding/stop planning and do not marry this person. Make sure things are 100% sorted out before you do that. Personally I’d be gone.

18. This is just one piece of evidence revealing a much, much deeper issue. Let her go.

19. Get out now. And RUN. Block her on everything and never look back. Once a cheater always a cheater. Been thru it and it’s not fun. You’ll thank me later.

20. Take the puppy and leave. Not just cheating, lying for long periods of time.

21. What’s there to think about?

    1. She cheated
    2. She’s been lying to you
    3. See number 1
    4. See number 2

    Bro. If you value yourself you will break up with this lying woman. Nothing good will come from staying with her.

    Do you want to spend the rest of your life thinking about how you married a cheater? I think not.

22. Damn take the dog the dog didn’t cheat for a yr.
    And lie about it.
    At least u were not married yet.
    Good luck

23. I’m a 27(F). Please don’t marry this woman. Run

24. I forgave my ex when i got cheated on, i was in training in the military. We made it work for a long while but i regret being the bigger person and forgiving her, i was young, married and i didnt want to be alone . i didn’t want my family to look down on me. But you’re truly better off moving on, it sucks but it definitely would’ve sucked less than being in a bad marriage full of resentment.

25. Appreciate all the advice everyone. The consensus was also my hunch. I’ve been in a bit of a shock since finding out and my mind is spinning right now. It’s time to end it.

26. I can tell you why she told you she’s told a few of her friends. She’s alibiing before you have the chance to ask her/your friends. She’s framing it as remorse when she’s probably just been bold and terrible enough to tell people.

    You can try to move on. I tried with my partner. We split, went to therapy, worked to reconcile. Lasted for a while before it happened all over again. Guilt doesn’t actually mean they won’t do it again.

27. The point is, she didn’t tell you, you found out. She was never going to tell you, and like you said she still cheating on you. She said she told friends about her cheating, did you ask them about what she said to them? The only thing you should make her is an ex.

28. Most likely she’s giving you trickle truth. Say for argument’s sake this was a one time thing and she deeply regretted it. If that was really the case, she would have gone NC with him and left that job. Do you really believe her BS they fucked once which would still be a huge betrayal? No, they are fucking to this day, she had no remorse and promised to marry you all the while sharing her 😺 with another man. She had no intention of telling you and would’ve continued to fuck him after you married this tramp. Take the puppy and go no contact, except to let EVERYONE know exactly why you’re no longer engaged.

29. You should break up with this woman. Call off the engagement, kick her out of the house (or move out if it’s in her name), and move on with your life. Let’s go over the facts:

    * She had sex with another man behind your back.
    * She stayed in continuous contact with her affair-partner after the fact.
    * She didn’t confess it; you had to find out on your own.

    She’s an untrustworthy liar, and frankly your love is wasted on her.

30. I would forgive, but I would also brake up with her and move on. Life is too short, dating is a test and she failed. She didn’t come clean, she was prepared to steal your agency and marry you under false pretense. Marry you without your informed consent. That makes her a bad choice to marry and raise a family with.

    Look at this way, if you started a business with someone and you found out they were steeling money the whole time, would you continue in that business just because they said they were sorry? How much more protective should you be of your entire life and potential family?

31. thank god yall arent married yet holy