For context, I’m (32M) 3 years into my marriage, we’ve been together 6. Recently I started therapy and from day 1 my marriage started falling apart. About 2 months ago my wife (29F) and I had a talk and we both agreed the relationship is not what we want and doesn’t make either of us happy. I’m still unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her and she’s been dealing with depression since that talk. She’s asked for us to do couples counseling which I really don’t want to do. She’s tried to break things off before, usually about once a year, and I always ended up convincing her not to. This time I don’t feel the same. I feel like we don’t have anything in common.
I have doubts about if I should stick around and keep the promises I made, in hopes that the love I felt once returns. I think I still love her, just not the same. ¿Any advice?
8 comments
Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
Don’t have a baby thinking it will help your marriage. It won’t.
I don’t know anyone who really wanted a divorce for longer than a fight, didn’t get it, and was happy to stay married over the long haul. Most people just wonder why they stayed as long as they did.
We’re falling deeper in love with time and even the sex is getting better.
Relationships are work but it shouldn’t feel arduous.
Why would you blow off her attempts at marriage counseling to repair the marriage, while at the same time prevent her from leaving. You’ve wasted her time and from what you say, help cause depression. Let her go be happy with someone willing to put in the work.
Take this for how you want.
Love is not a feeling, “being in love” or “falling in love” are emotional states.
Love is a choice – a choice expressed in ACTIONS and WORDS to another, made hourly, daily, weekly, etc. . The effect of the choice to love through actions & words, is what creates and maintains that emotional state.
Marriage takes work and it does not reauire a 50/50 dedication from each partner – it takes 100/100 dedication. There will be times, when one partner cannot give it all, but that is where the other partner absorbs the load.
Marriage, any relationship, is like a garden. If you tend and water it, it will grow and produce fruit. If both partners do not tend and water it, it will produce weeds and die. Counseling can help your marriage, it can help you as an individual. Choose wisely.
that stage in your marriage is hard as long as both are faithful you can work through the room mate stage and the out of love stage i was married for 13 yrs and we worked through it it made it harder cause he was texting his BM on the low i came back after i left and found out them 3 yrs later found him on dating apps. So stay loyal keep working past this stage
Truly think about this – What DO you want in a relationship? What characteristics would your ideal partner have? Does she actually know your expectations / what makes you happy? Do you know what her ideal relationship / partner looks like? The kind of man she fantasizes about marrying? What his traits are? You don’t marry someone to end up in a take it or leave it scenario. Marriage takes work. How long have you been feeling like you have nothing in common anymore? When did you last enjoy each others company?
Staying married takes a lot of hard, all consuming work. The term in most wedding vows ” For better or worse” is in there for a good reason, because that’s what marriage is.
It’s just like ‘real life’ . You do everything you can to be sure you both have more ‘better’ days than ‘worse’ days. We’ve been married for 42 years or as my wife likes to say ’35 happy years’.