My boyfriend (26 M) and I (28 F) broke up after 2 years of dating bc he wasn’t ready to plan the future and commit to the future I was ready for. He also is younger and less established so he wanted to spend some time alone and “work on himself.” We we’re broken up for 3 months and during this time he contacted me multiple times to say that he’s ready, wants to get back, wants to move in, ready to be together long term, etc. Everything I had been waiting to hear but I held out for a little! So finally I agree to get back together two weeks ago, and while at first I was excited it quickly came out that he had been sleeping with women (2 different ones) for the majority of our breakup – only stopping about a week before officially asking me to get back together. Mind you, I also slept with one person but to me it feels different. I know that might sound like a double standard but I wasn’t the one who wanted to break up or the one who wanted to be alone. I feel duped now, I thought throughout the breakup he was consumed with wanting to get me back and pining for me. He swears that it was just sex and nothing deeper (no dates or emotional attachment) but I feel extremely hurt and I can’t imagine how he knows he’s ready to be back with me and have a serious relationship when he’s spent time during the breakup with other people. I just don’t understand how both things can be true. I wish that he waited to come back to me until he had this out of his system, but he says none of the interactions could ever change the fact that he wanted to be back with me. I’m sad and confused and want to know if anyone thinks this situation could turn out positively.
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TLDR: Boyfriend broke up with me and slept with other people during the breakup. We are now back together and I don’t know if I can move on from it
3 comments
Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from. I also wonder how much actual “finding himself” he did or was necessary. Like… was all he wanted was to screw other women, found it uninteresting so he begged for you back? What exactly was he looking for and what did he find?
If you’re already unsure if you can move in, it may be better to not give this a second chance. Sounds like he was contacting you while actively sleeping with others, kind of sums up his priorities even if ‘just sex’. Do you really want to start a second chapter on a bad foot, with doubts right off the bat?
He probably did want to find himself and ended up having sex with women, talking to women, and discovering that the grass isn’t greener. That’s my guess.