Do you have a male role model?
As I get more into my adulthood (27M), I feel like I never really had a role model to look up to in my life. Even still to this day I feel without guidance at times in my life. I still have my father who’s quick to give his 2 cents, but it’s usually from a, “don’t fuck up like I did” perspective. As I see his point on this good advice, there’s a deeper level of influence and desire I’m looking for in a role model.
Not than I’m disappointed on my successes thus far, I have good close friends, I’m a professional engineer, have a small business, an amazing girlfriend, physically fit. I just feel like I’m missing another part of it in my life.
Where would I go about finding a male role model in my daily life? Do you guys look up to someone who inspires you?
16 comments
No, i dont
Other than career and relationships. What else do you want to do with your life?
You dont need a role model.
Don’t
Take good advice as it comes and understand that everyone is flawed
The issue is: A role model for what? If you don’t know the goal, you cant have role models only people you decided to copy because you don’t know where to go yourself.
Before finding a role model one needs to have ones own goals figured out.
All you have to do is find the lefty version of Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson, really.
Stop looking for a single role model. Different people have different traits and skills. Learn from all of them, but recognize that you want to learn everything from any of them
If you meet someone who has a trait or skill that you want to develop in yourself, tell them. Ask them if you can spend time with them. They will usually appreciate being recognized for their asset.
Why do you need to set boundaries around it like that? Be inspired by whoever happens to inspire you.
I get why kids and teens might need a strong role model, but at 27 you’re too old and too wise to put all your faith into one person like that. By now you should understand that no one is perfect, and instead, you should seek wisdom from a variety of people in your life and find a way to repurpose that wisdom to your own benefit.
There are none. Talk to a bunch of people, read many books and watch many videos about self improvement. Pay attention, grab what you think is good, test it, and so on. Then you will become your own role model.
It sounds to me more like you’re looking for someone to tell you how you should live your life now because you don’t know what to do after becoming accomplished. Rather than doing that, stop and rest on your laurels.
You don’t need one role model, you need several. It’s important to pull knowledge from different places, and perspectives as well
I had family members who were role models for a while.
I am someone that does a lot of mentoring IRL and online
While a lot of people I end up mentoring are lost, and don’t really have father figures in their lives, a good bit of them are kind of like you.
Not that there’s anything wrong in their life, but they kind of reach this point where they feel like they kind of want someone to give them direction, or offer up some addition things they could possibly work on and improve
It’s why I usually recommend for folks to find mentors in their local communities. The main reason I advocate for this, is because unlike online (and I even include myself here), their main area of focus, isn’t necessarily you, but themselves
What I mean is, online, it’s less about someone being a “mentor” but more someone who’s a Marketing, but framing themselves as a mentor. Or a Life Coach, or whatever second rate Andrew Tate is on TikTok. Their advice, while some of it resonates, ultimately is a pipeline for you to spend money on them.
Personal bias aside, the same thing kind of goes with other places people turn to, like say religion. Not saying that all are like this, but be mindful that their reason they want you to be part of this, is to benefit them, not necessarily benefit you
This is why local mentors are great; for those who aren’t aware, a proper “mentor” is usually someone who is successful, has a lot of life experience and is a subject matter expect due to years of experience. They literally have a lifestyle, which allows them to carve out time to help people out, and due to their financial standing, a lot of times they do this for free
These people, I think are what people are looking for, but don’t realize due to the lens of viewing things online first
Now be mindful that when you do this, it’s kind of like the same thing as therapy. While the concept makes sense, the results may vary from a local level
I still recommend trying to do it locally first, but if not there are so, so many resources online for this. But as I said, be mindful of their intent, over someone that would do it IRL. There is some level of external validation, monetization and power dynamics at play here, which might make them not ideal.
But the goal is to canvas your options, and find someone which resonates with you and you’d like to have a continued relationship with
Identify where you are weak . By that I mean not where yo uare weak by societal standards but your own. Like if you want it be good at investing. Or someone who has anxiety under control and is living life in away you wished. I’m projecting a bit.. but that’s what I did. Then read books on the subject and found people ho were into it I really admire.
For instance I work in af elid within the military in my country. Therefore there is a burden of having great judgement I feel should come with anyone in charge of things in government or law, security etc. So I read books on stoicism and really fell in love with the story of cato the younger who was brutally fair to the point he made enemies but people had no choice but to respect. I look up to him and he’s a bit of a role model to me cuz he encompasses true justice and virtue in my eyes.
A guy I knew since he was 18 and didn’t have a dad . I helped him learn how to pick u women and stick up for himself when he was in. He sticks around me because of my views on justice and stoic views. He’s a cop now.
Now my mentor is an ex special forces dude
32m. I feel like ppl like your dad are valuable, so are the homeless, women etc. It’s not about losing and winning all the time, it’s more about what you gain.
It sounds like you’re talking about a mentor.
They’re not easy to find. You might find them among your neighbors, your workplace, your church (if you’re the religious type) or elsewhere.
The people who say you don’t need a mentor or role model all seem to mostly be impoverished failures to launch who grew up fatherless. Do you really want to take their advice?