What are ways men can provide and lead without paying for everything in a household?

17 comments

1. “How do I lead you?”

   🤭

2. Try chivalry.

3. I guess have him go to the grocery store, make a meal plan for the week, and cook it? Providing stuff usually means paying for it.

4. Providing for usually means paying for. He needs to make more money.

5. We can all sit here and guess at ways to fill his desire, but it would just be guesses. Sit down with him, ask him what he thinks would help him feel like he is providing, he may have something in mind and just needs a push to get it out in the open.

   The other consideration is he is saying this because he feels emasculated to some degree because society pushes the notion that a man’s worth is tied into his earning power and that he should be the breadwinner because of this. He may just need reassurances, you can help him try to feel like he is “the man” in your relationship in a healthy way, but if the insecurity lies in the fact that he cant stand you making more money than him, you need to have a frank conversation on how he thinks that should be handled. I personally dont think its a healthy mindset but if he finds the dynamic so untenable, he can either figure out a way to make more money than you, or you can shift your career and bring less money into your household just to soothe his ego.

6. You lead by example; take initiative and get things done. And to do so with quality and timeliness to the point your competency is not questioned. Instead you have earned the trust and respect of those around you that you know what you are doing so they can feel a sense of security that their lives are in capable hands.

   He says no opportunity to show his worth? There are opportunities every day! There are chores to be done, appointments to be made, errands to run, etc. Even more so for a family man. A leader doesn’t have to be told that these things need to be done, he should already be aware of it and on top of things.

7. I have no clue what he specifically means by that.

   But maybe sit down and break down the responsibilities of the house. Even if you’re making the money, he can be in charge of making sure bills are paid, planning, keeping everything running, etc.

8. By becoming a provider. Which always means being the breadwinner. There is no way around that.

9. If he’s not bringing home the money, his only option is to blow your fucking back out whenever you want it. I mean good too. He cannot half ass the sex at all. He needs to provide you with the best sex you have ever had, and then some. It’s not hard to do at all. Just gotta pay attention, communicate, and maybe read a book or two.

   Relationships are power exchange. Compromise is power exchange. Sometimes you have the power, sometimes your s/o does. It’s slight, and mostly insignificant, but when it becomes an issue it can be a very large one.

   He needs to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t going to be able to exchange power with you monetarily, and that really leaves one place. I know it sounds odd, but that’s the only way I know to describe it.

   Walking around knowing that he throws the best dick you’ve ever had gives a man a level of confidence and assurance that will help offset the feelings of not being in control.

10. You need to be able to look after yourself first before you can look after anyone else.

    It’s not about an “opportunity to lead or provide”. That’s ridiculous. You need to mold yourself into the person you need to be to do those things and then you simply do them. He can test his commitment in the following ways if he isn’t doing this already:

    1. Wake up earlier.
    2. Work out. Unbelievably important for men especially.
    3. Don’t spend time doing stupid things (Ie/ TikTok scrolling, watching netflix).
    4. Do spend time reading, researching, getting better at something and applying it to your life.
    5. Dedicate time to doing family things at least 1 hour per day.
    6. Apply the principles of self discipline you just learned to your life and take responsibility for the family you created.

    He has to put in the effort though. If there’s no effort or fucks given, then he’s wasting your time. Nobody will do it for him, he needs to put the work in.

11. Are there handy projects he could do around the house/property? Building or just improving a house is a good way to feel a sense of ownership over it.

12. “If you have to tell them to carry the bricks, they are not the one to build with.”

13. If you have to ask your SO how you can lead and provide, the truth is you can’t. A large part of leadership is instinctual and if you don’t already know how, then you probably can’t be taught.

14. I’m married. I made more than my wife, I took time off to be with the kids, I went back to work and she makes more than me (significantly, like over twice as much).

    I’ve never thought my role was to “lead,” or to follow. We’re in this together as partners and equals.

15. Make plans and get things done.

    Shit needs to get fixed around the house? Do it. Things need to get built? Do it. Cook quality meals without being asked to. Plan vacations/date nights. Lawn needs to be mowed? Do it. Goals need to be brainstormed? Do it. Wood needs to be laid? Do it.

    A lot of guys are too passive in most/all of these phases. Have him take some initiative without you having to ask. And if he does these things, show your gratitude.

16. Leadership is a service job. Leaders make sure everyone under their care is taken care of before they take care of themselves. They take ultimate responsibility for the outcomes and results of decisions because you’re the one who is ultimately responsible for making them (a good leader values in input of the people under his care, as much or more than he values his own ideas).

    He should read some books on the subject. Lots of good ones.

17. He can still be a leader. He has simply delegated the income to you since you are better at that. A real leader knows how to use resources and delegate. You make more, so it’s better for you to work than him. He is already a leader just by acknowledging that.