Being alone is fun now

What happened:

I don’t talk much (<100 words/day) with anyone. I used to worry about it a lot and was so desperate to learn to talk to people. The desperation kept adding up until I was so frustrated about it and gave up on socializing. Stopped going to college except 12 days a year for exams. It was me and my programming buddy laptop in my room all day long. I also lost sense of time by being enclosed in my room.

What’s happening now:

Now I started listening to rock genre. Linkin park, green day, starset and many other mainstream and underrated music bands. Went through some dance tutorials. Started throwing my arms, legs to make it look like a dance move, exercising a bit, talking to myself and it feels like I’ve never been happier than this my whole life of 20 years. I feel like all I want is to get covered by 4 walls. If I didn’t have to care about career, I would spend all my life with myself happily.

What I’m looking forward to:

I have a single hope left that I’ll go for masters, get a college far from home so that I can push myself to socialize. That’s it, I daydream about it all day and this is the thing that’s keeping me sane.

What’s the problem here:

Now the things is I can see myself degrading day by day. can’t speak a sentence clearly coz my tongue is out of habit of speaking. When I go out once in a month or 3 weeks and plan out everything beforehand, it ends with me standing in a corner alone. I’m not interested in anyone, don’t want to know their life story but also dont want to get thrown out as odd one. The spotlight effect keeps me on my toes. Like a hidden camera is recording my every action.

The end of rant

If anyone reading this have a different approach to this situation in their mind, please let me know.

I know it’ll not end well in a long run if I just lock myself in my room but can I transition from a shy wierd guy to a normal person with a friend group in my masters?