I (24F) went on date with a guy (27M), who I met on bumble. We started texting and really hit it off, the vibe was great so we happened to go on a date.
We drank a lot on the date, we really bonded a lot. The guy kept on complimenting me throughout.
He really opened up to me about his past too.
He opened up to me to the extent that he told me that his ex used to abuse him (even tho he is 6’ feet tall). And he started crying while sharing rhat with me. I really didn’t know what to do at that moment, so i consoled him and distracted him for that topic.
Soon after we hugged and a kiss happened after the hug.
*This is the first time I have kissed someone on the first date*.
The guy described his type as cute, funny and smart while looking into my eyes. And that is literally me. Then he said yeah, basically you.
He was my type too!
He kept making plans for the next time we meet.
He kept saying that we shall do this and that on our next date!
Edits (Added Later): He was holding my hand while walking to and from the smoking zone continuously. Idk public affirmation or something?! But yeah, he was holding me while we walked out of the pub too!
Everything was going so great. Especially after the first kiss, the waiter had to come and stop us as it was a public place.
We then left the pub and started kissing in front of the elevator, again a bouncer came and stopped us.
He then offered to drop me home, as my place was waking distance from the pub. And somehow he ended up at my place!
Next I know he is in my room and we are making out. He then asked if he should order condoms, I couldn’t resist him anyway so I said yes.
We then had sex. And cuddled while sleeping
The sex was sooo great.
He called out my name out loud while having sex a few times too!
He asked me after having sex “what do you think about me”. Everything he had done and said on the date made me feel like this connection is going to go somehwhere and its definitely not just a one night stand!
He slept with me on my bed after. We went 3 rounds in the same night, once of the round was in the middle of our sleep, once of us woke up horny and it just happened.
Things were all so amazing.
Then in the morning he told me and left.
I forgot to ask for his number or socials as I thought we are connected on Bumble so thats fine. It was a tuesday morning and I got busy with work so I couldn’t text him.
When in the evening I opened Bumble, I saw that he has “deleted the app”. It broke my heart so badly, I started crying.
I didn’t know what to do cause I had no other means to connect with him.
Its been 2 weeks since this happened and I still can’t get over it.
I do not understand what happened to him exactly that he ghosted me. I somehow am not being able to believe that he just wanted sex and he got it so now he ghosted me, like my friends keep saying.
Why would someone fake so much if they just want sex? Why did he give me such high hopes? He could just have been upright about it right?
Is this how fuck boys operate? I don’t get it.
I found his Instagram account (95% sure that that is his account only), and sent him a follow request. I dmed him, as he forgot his chain and locket at my house. But he didn’t accept my follow request or reply to my dm.
I have tried contacting multiple people from his college (that he told me he went to), but noone seems to have his contact. They know that he exists but do not have his number.
I’m really getting restless about this now. I have tried to get over him but I’m not being able to.
I guess I just want to call and abuse him or just ask him for answers!
Idk what to do, please tell me if I went wromg somewhere or is this guy a total chutiya?
35 comments
Maybe “vibes” and “sparks” aren’t good indicators of long term relationship.
Yes unfortunately it is how fuck boys operate. It was also hard for me to believe this when I started using dating apps. Just forget about him and move on. I know it is hard but it is for the best, at least you didn’t waste much time
He used you for sex. It happens on dating apps. You contacting people who may know him to get his contact info is next level crazy
Take it as a painful way to learn a big and important lesson in dating. Just don’t blame yourself. Instead, go back out there and find someone more authentic and take your time to get to know them.
This stuff unfortunately happens a lot with online dating. People can tell you anything about who they are and what they think of you but actions speak louder than words.
Chemistry is enchanting but it’s not compatibility. Alot of the time it’s not even real because you don’t actually know each other.
The truth is, often guys will say everything you want to hear and do everything you want and give you all the right indicators but they won’t be able to follow through, for reasons which are nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Block him and move on gracefully.
Be thankful you saw his true colours and what he’s truly capable of before you got in too deep. It could have been months of dating and sleeping together only to then wake up and realise he’s a ghost.
You had some fun, you used protection, you followed your desires and you shouldn’t punish yourself for that for trying to understand why assholes exist. They just do. Not everyone is raised right.
I would also suggest that however crazy the chemistry is and whatever a guy says to you in the first few weeks that you take it all with a pinch of salt and take your time to genuinely get to know who someone is, because you deserve that for yourself.
Sounds like it’s his loss anyway. Sell his chain on eBay and buy yourself a coffee and some cake.
He’s essentially a fuckboi and played you from the sounds. I don’t think you should be contacting random people you think may know him though. I think just take it as a life lesson to be a bit more guarded and the chain and locker could serve as a reminder for that.
Honey, you met a garden-variety fuccboi in his natural habitat. They woo you, they meet you, they lie their way into your bed, then ghost. Why lie? Because it’s more fun that way. They get to fuck you AND fuck with you.
Some of them will even play the long con too- agree to go slow, be all romantic, wait for weeks- and then ghost.
Don’t beat yourself up too much: happens to most of us. At least the sex was great! Which, with fuccbois, is rarely the case.
Chalk this one up to a lesson learned.
This is classic fuck boy behavior. He even tried the fake trauma bonding. This guy is not relationship material. You don’t realize it but you are spared from dealing with his toxic ass. In the future, if you’re looking for a relationship don’t sleep with men on the first date.
Based on your post history, this isn’t new for you, and you have a history of falling for people who aren’t good for you and then feeling an addictive connection to them.
A lot of your responses seem to place responsibility for this on the guy. And while it is possible he was outright manipulating you, from what I can tell you willingly engaged someone emotionally and had sex with him and then now expect him to continue that simply because you fell hard for him.
I suggest going more slowly in the future. There is no way you could have evaluated this guys’ morals and values in this time, and you haven’t even mentioned them at all, just how tall and good at sex he is. Unless you make changes yourself, you’ll fall for this type of guy forever.
He is a play and love bombed you. Your connection could be all lies on his part and he knows that he can’t keep those lies going.
Stop blaming yourself and at least the sex was great and not mediocre. You are mourning the potential he faked. There are plenty of those and plenty of male dating gurus to tell them how to do this.
Sorry girl but you got used. I wouldn’t be shocked if this dude is already in a long-term relationship. That’s why he’s disappeared without a trace. He doesn’t want his girlfriend to find out about you.
Let him be. Enjoy his chain and locket. His girl he’s with probably caught him playing around. He’s contact you if he wanted to.
please go to therapy. chasing someones former classmates after an (albeit unexpected to you) one night stand is not the behaviour of a mentally sound human.
im not blaming you for falling for the conman, sounds like he lined up all those ducks perfectly. but if you were looking at the situation with a little more stability and reality, sans the rose tinted glasses, you probably could’ve seen the flags as red as they actually were.
He’s a fuck boy and you got got. Sorry about that OP, it’s a truly sucky feeling. But truly, DO NOT continue contacting him or anyone he knows. I’ll be honest, it’s downright creepy. And this is coming from a female. It completely sucks and I hate that you had that happen to you, but don’t reach out to him or his friends anymore. Accept your L and sell his chain for some cash 😈
So, from what you’ve told us, there was no communication about wanting a relationship from either one of you. Also, for any women looking for something serious, tell guys that sex is off the table until further notice. If a guy is willing to be with you without knowing the next time he’ll have sex with you, he’s probably sticking around for more than just your body. Other than that, you got played, had consensual sex, and have to chalk it up to a lesson learned
Maybe get the guys number before you have sex next time, at the very least.
I know it sucks and it hurts but please don’t try and contact him or his friends anymore about it. It’s just going to make you look crazy. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like this out there that just want to use you for sex. Next time, I would take time to get to know them and not sleep with them on the first date. I’m sure he did have a really nice time with you but maybe wasn’t ready for a commitment or after all was done, he decided he wasn’t ready to take it any further. It could be a lot of things but the facts are, he deleted his acct and hasn’t responded to your messages. If he wanted to continue anything with you, he would have contacted you by now. Time to move on
That dude faked an entire personality to smash.
Just a tip for the future. If someone showers you with compliments without knowing you after you just met, it’s a huge red flag and probably is trying to manipulate you. This and the “my exes were abusive or cheating” stories, are typical fuckboi tactics.
Trauma dumping on the first date is a red flag
I’m afraid that u were victim of a fuck boy.
Just in case let me clarify it, sex once and you are out
You shouldn’t be contacting random people in his college you need to cool it now he’s given you a response
Firstly, trauma dumping on you to the point of ‘crying’ was a tactic to soften you up… ‘cute, funny and smart’ is so generic and put your defences down… as well as planning next dates..
You fell for the fuckboys playbook… but you will learn to see the flags… or continue to fall for a good looking face 😂
Girl, he knows where you live. If he wanted more he would have been back or found a way to get you a message.
You just got love bombed and it’s likely he was just being less than honest about only wanting sex.
I think you should get some therapy. Trying to contact him and people he knows could get you in trouble. Just move on with your life. This person was a stranger. Good luck.
As a stranger on the internet who doesn’t know you or him, I can offer an educational opinion.
He wanted sex and you did too. It happened. And it sounds like it was fun! So there’s that.
But, he was not interested in seeing you any further. He never brought up his feelings about getting into a relationship. He didn’t delete his app, he unmatched with you and that makes it look like he’s off the app. He just doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. The fact that he didn’t reply to your dm on Instagram is a confirmation of that. Don’t waste your time on trying to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk. You deserve better.
Bumble is basically the new tinder. It’s not about relationships. No dating apps are really about actual relationships anymore. It’s about getting in touch with with people, maybe meeting, maybe going on a few dates and maybe even hitting it off. But with the whole swipe and chat, there’s just no guarantee that the other person won’t be tempted to continue to swipe to see if there is someone “better.”
I’m sorry you feel like he lead you on. You took a chance and you had a good time and wanted to continue to have good times. That’s not a bad thing. It’s clear you want a relationship. In the future, make that a topic you cover when you start talking to someone else. This guy was not a good guy. And once you realize that, the better. Don’t try to contact him or “stalk” his college friends. Its not a good idea. You’re going to hurt yourself more in the end. Take his chain to good will or throw it out. You learned a lesson here, and that is always good. Life is all about the lessons. If you don’t take these lessons to heart, you will end up repeating the lesson until you actually learn.
Good luck in your future dating endeavors! Remember, you deserve someone who likes and respects you.
“The guy described his type as cute, funny and smart… that is literally me.”
Lol
Get over him… he did all that for sex. The quicker you realized he used you the quicker you can move on. Sorry to be so blunt but some men are really awful. I can guarantee someone has his info and he already told them not to give it to you.
Any time a guy overshares his vulnerable past out of nowhere, I am instantly wary. I think this is a really common tactic to manipulate women into feeling motherly or nursely or whatever. You didn’t do anything wrong, having one great day with a person doesn’t necessarily mean anything, learn to move on without any guilt.
>He opened up to me to the extent that he told me that his ex used to abuse him (even tho he is 6’ feet tall
Yes cuz if you aren’t 6ft then it’s alright for abuse. Sounds like this guy was a loser
This guy must have been really really handsome huh
I hope you see my comment.
Humans are fucking manipulative as shit. I have had similar experience on Bumble in the past, after my divorce & I decided to try dating. Granted I had some nice dates, & met some real questionable weirdos as well.
One guy I met back in December 2022, charmed me quite well. He spent days chatting with me via text, call (outside of bumble). We decided to meet up & we ended up having sex also. Boom- he deleted his account, ghosted me. I was rather annoyed like yourself because I thought we hit it off. Found his Facebook & he had just gotten married in November. He just wanted to bag a chick to get off & I was the one he bagged. I went to the doctors for STD check & all was cleared.
Then I wrote the wife on Facebook with all the screenshots that her husband was a cheating dick & she deserved better because I probably wasn’t the only woman he’s banged behind her back.
Don’t know what happened & don’t care quite frankly because I blocked her from being able to message me.
I’m sharing this because through this experience I realized I had ultimately hurt myself in the situation. By constantly giving myself to men who would intentional build some interest or connection only to use and abuse me. Through therapy, I’ve learned how to stop allowing myself to victimize myself in this way.
You need to stop giving yourself & your body to men unworthy. You need to make these men wait or you need to decide if sex is all you want. The right one will wait for you and the wrong one will run.
Good lord, what a mess
You have good story telling skills. It’s entertainly written.
| Cute, funny and smart
*literally me*
Welcome to the world young one. They will say anything they have to. And no, they probably don’t care afterward. Hence, never f on the first date unless discussed and agreed upon beforehand