I recently met some close friends over dinner and I had a bit of a wake up call at my terrible, almost associable nature. In one on one conversations I can fake my way into fun engagements because I tend to push the silly and the absurd into stupid jokes, and some people like that. But when conversation gets serious and I have to navigate group dynamics, I just get terribly awkward.
I was being asked: “how have you been?”, “what have you been doing?”, “what are you working on?”, and I can’t answer in simple, direct, linear terms. I’m just not used to talk like that and to being asked personal questions. But then the negative feedback comes when I see them rolling their eyes or being actually bored of my trying to articulate some words, and I feel bad.
I wouldn’t say my problem is I’m bad at small talk, but I’m definitely a bit anti-social and I don’t know to converse, be more serious and meaningful in my interactions. I’m open to any adivce.
6 comments
Practice talking to yourself in the mirror for 15 minutes a day. After a month you will be a social wizard. Treat it all like a quest. Your quest is to win the enemy’s heart by rizzing it up. The reason I say to talk in the mirror is because you have to know what’s holding you back. If you talk to yourself, you’ll know what it is. If it’s you then you can tell off rip. I used to have a confidence problem up until I started looking in the mirror and conversing with myself about 5-15 min a day. You talk about things you like to talk abt and mentally put yourself in a situation where you’re talking to someone else. Knowing what you will look like, act like, will help you alter it as you wish! You’re basically subconsciously training yourself to be the version of you that you want to be.
If you wanna take it to level 2, try random omegle chats or discord servers with 4-5 ppl in it at least. You can find discord servers with social chats and practice there. I personally like to make fun of the people there actually looking to socialize but it helped me when I was in the training arc.
There is nothing wrong with you brother! You will get past this. Get your cheeks clenched and keep your chest out and mighty, you got this!
not sure. maybe you could avoid the question and try to get the other person to talk instead
Autistic spectrum disorder maybe?
You say you can’t answer directly so work on that. Right now think about what to answer when people ask these questions. Ask yourself how have you been? I think to have a meaningful conversation with someone you have to connect with them, empathize or make the effort to understand. If you’re not trying or open, people can tell and they back away/get bored
You could try talking with yourself like if you are talking with someone else about anything you like or you had done even telling your day to day activities to yourself
This people are NOT your friends. If they were they would know you have trouble with those questions and wouldn’t ask you those questions.
When my son is asked a question or offered something, he needs a minute to think about it and for his brain to catch up. If I KNOW he’s going to be asked something that requires an answer we discuss it first so that he can think about it. I warn teachers & friends parents and ask them to let his little brain catch up!
You are at an advantage here because you KNOW these are common questions. How are you has a straight forward answer (I am well, thank you, how are you?) and you have time BEFORE the event to think of an answer to what have you been up 2? I would think about this. Write it down and stuff it in your pocket. You have the answer in your head but when that fails you have the answer as a prompt written down you can sneak a peek at to remind you of it. You can also write reminders for follow up questions too! X