Hey everyone. I (18M) have never had a gf in my entire life. Never even held hands with one. It has taken a serious toll on my mental health and I have no idea what to do. I’m starting to lose the will to do basically anything. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t drink. I can talk to people and make friends, I just have no idea how to take it to the next level, or like flirt or stuff like that. I have female friends, but when I ask them for advice they all just tell me to “give it time”. Any advice?
Tl;dr I’m really depressed because I’ve never had a gf and don’t know how to get one
4 comments
You’re letting something really arbitrary get to you. I didn’t have my first official boyfriend until I was 29. Most of my guy friends in college didn’t have their first girlfriends until they were between 19 – 25. Some longer than that. One fella I was good pals with didn’t get his first girlfriend until 35.
Things happen when they happen. You can’t force them just because you feel like you’re trying to meet societies standards.
If you’re not in shape, get in shape. When you meet a new girl, ask her out on a date. That’s pretty much it.
You’re only 18, dude. Even most dudes who *have* had girlfriends by your age, have only been with 1 or 2 in any amount of time that amounts to an actually meaningful relationship.
The things you can do to raise your odds of a relationship are: spending time doing things that matter to you, and maintaining an active social life. The former makes you passionate and interesting, which are attractive traits. The latter makes others around you recognize your traits, and creates opportunities to meet singles. Please note that following that advice only raises your odds of a relationship, it doesn’t guarantee it – no one is owed a relationship. But even if you follow that advice and still go dateless, you get the consolation prize of living your life doing what’s important to you, and having meaningful bonds with people you care about, which is also sick.
With all that said, rationality is one thing. I don’t want to diminish whatever you’re feeling or experiencing, so I’ll ask this: what is it that you’re feeling that you’re hoping a relationship will help with? What needs do you have that a relationship would fulfill?
First of all, I am so sorry you are lonely. You are not undateable, and your time will come. A surprising number of people haven’t dated at 18, although it might not feel that way if everyone around you is coupling up.
Normally I’d recommend getting in a dating app and getting it over with, but your sadness is concerning. Are you in a place to be able to get therapy? I know men can be more resistant to therapy, but it might be the best thing for you. I know you list your primary issue as not having a GF, but I suspect it’s actually self esteem and contentment you are struggling with. Once you are in a better place emotionally, women will be more attracted to you.