Context: me (26F) and my partner (30M) have been together 3 years. I recently found out my mum is terminally ill and flew to NZ from Australia to spend a couple of months with her. My partner did support me financially however I felt that I got no emotional support. (Eg. would message him after a really hard day with her and got “well what did you expect”).

While I was over there I decided I would stay an extra two weeks so I could spend my birthday with my mum (could be my last). But partner got mad that I made that decision without him and berated me over text for about a week. I decided to fly home early because I couldn’t handle the stress of both him and my mum.

Anyway this has all really messed me up and has gotten me into depression. And I know now that the one person I need to help me through this is my dad, so I have decided to move 4 hours from where me and my partner live to live with my dad for a while. How do I get him to understand I’m not doing this to hurt him, but rather help myself?

18 comments

  1. You should have included him since the beginning into your decisions, big f-ups there.

  2. You helped yourself by being away from your BF.

    If he’s not someone you consider a support then why even date him?

  3. **YOU DON’T**

    You tell him that he manipulated you into leaving your dying mother and he is an AH.

    That is unforgiveable and you should breakup and move away to be with your Mum while you can.

  4. It doesn’t really matter why he thinks you’re doing it. The outcome is the same. His relationship ends. That’s all he knows or needs to know. Needing him to understand the reasoning is more for your feelings than his.

  5. No need to make him understand. FFS he made you fly hope, instead of staying with your dying mom. He should have encouraged you to take all the time you needed.

    Call dad and have him come and help you move out.

  7. So you leave to take care of your mother, and your boyfriend, not husband supports you financially and it is not enough so now you are going to leave him to stay with dad? Just break up and let him find someone that cares about him….Then you can be on your way…

  8. selfish controlling manipulative uncompassionate AH.

    Trash belong in the garbage.

  10. How far is the distance from your dad and mom? Sorry your mom is sick but don’t u think your man misses u? Y’all been together 3 years. I don’t think he means to be rude. Sounds to me he loves u and the distance is unbearable.

  11. If he’s financially supporting you then yes if you were needing more of that financial support then yes you should have discussed with him . He assumed he’s part of a serious partnership and you seem to be making a lot of big discisons that also affect him by yourself without even discussing. Maybe you need a breakup so you can focus on your own stuff going on .

  12. If you are in an emotionally supportive, healthy relationship, then I think travel plans are a pretty normal thing to discuss at your stage of a relationship.

    However! You are not in an emotionally supportive, healthy relationship. He sounds like a dick.

  13. I’ve been with someone who can’t be there for me emotionally for a couple years now – Not in the way I expected at least. It was a realization that there’s other versions of support he gave. It’s not sustainable or compatible. He’s had a few similar responses (what did you expect, etc….). It’s reached a point where it’s really affected my mental health, and his too. I’m different because I feel I can’t open up now, emotions are bad. Do what’s best for you 🖤

  15. Your parent is terminally ill and he’s upset you’re tending to them? Fucking A grow a spine and see the fact that if this was you, he’d Dr. Suess your ass

  16. I love everyone commenting “break up with him” when he’s literally giving her the financial ability to do what she’s doing

  18. Are you still expecting him to financially support you? I’m sorry honey but most people consider a 4 hour move away to be a pre-breakup.

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