i have this friend, we text daily and then random conversation about medicine that his family takes, the convo goes like this \[on text\].
him: my mom takes meds for her neurone inflammation
me: what why does she take those? does she have autoimmune?
him: no
me: is ur mom okay?
him: godd yeah she is
me: its either autoimmune or viral infection, how do u not know, stupid doctor. \[here i meant HE is a stupid doctor, since he’s going into med school, he might’ve misunderstood it as his mom’s doctor is stupid but idk\]
him: right
few minutes
me: did i upset you
him: eh a bit
me: \[i francitaly say some random stuff and apologize but im not sure for what\]
him: its not that, my mom doesnt have a condition, she had smthn then went to the doctor a long time ago and she’s done with it, she doesnt even take the med anymore.
But you assume everyone is dumb and doom in everything.
Whatever.
me: \[i just ask if he knew what i meant by ‘stupid doctor’\]
help pls, doesnt this mean I’ve done this multiple times i dont know what to do, im just surprised he sees me as a person like that.
11 comments
Why would you call him dumb in the first place? What’s your problem?
try to build your empathy by asking yourself how they feel normally you’ll be right most of the time. do this until it becomes habit. hope this helps.
> how do u not know, stupid doctor
If someone texted you this exactly as you wrote it, would you take this as them being playful and joking? I doubt it.
But reading your post, it wasn’t even intended as a joke. You just outright called him stupid.
How old are you??
Intonation is hard to convey through text, so you “stupid doctor” comment can be understood as an insult rather than a joke.
Especially when the topic is serious.
It might’ve been playful on your side but you definitely came across condescending.
Do you lack social awareness? You don’t just call people dumb and expect them to dismiss it like nothing. You are a psycho.
Stop calling your friend dumb. Apologize to him and say you were stupid enough to ask advice on reddit about a basic human interaction.
Point at them and scream “Doomed, I tell you! DOOMED!”
Do you have autism by any chance?
You remind me a lot of my best friend who’s autistic. Sometimes, she’ll say something that’s kind of rude and insensitive, and she’s not fully aware of how it made her come off because it’s not what she meant. But I’ve known her going on 8 years, and I know that even when she says hurtful things, it’s NOT what she was trying to get across.
I think you should apologize to your friend without any excuses and tell him how you meant to express yourself didn’t come off as you thought and you’re sorry for being rude. You should also probably tell him that if you ever say anything that he thinks is rude or too much to let you know right then and there. Also, learning proper grammar could also really come in handy when texting because “its either autoimmune or viral infection, how do u not know, stupid doctor.” With that comma placement, you definitely did call him stupid in his eyes.
Really, it all just comes down to you giving a genuine apology and letting him know you made an idiotic mistake.
You guys focused so much on me saying “stupid doctor” than him complaining that I assume everyone is stupid and doomed for, because I think even wihtour me saying ‘stupid doctor’, he would’ve still felt that way. Anyway it’s been a few days and he refused to bring it up again to talk about it and said to just ‘forget it’. Thanks to whoever commented with genuine intent to help