See post history for background.
Last night, we were arguing once again. This time about how I’m not being affectionate. I calmed things down then told him I want a divorce. He cried, begged me to just think about it, give him another chance, etc.
Ducks didn’t get put in a row first, but I guess it doesn’t matter now. I had this big plan but I couldn’t let it go on anymore, especially not with the comments my daughter has been making about him & our marriage.
So far that’s all that’s happened. He didn’t go to work today so I guess we will see. I have therapy this morning, and at this point in time I feel safe.
Thank you all for giving me so much advice on my last post. I’m terrified but I really feel like I can do this now. My only question is, what do I do from here?
20 comments
Find a lawyer. There are other subreddits with more specific info, but ultimately it starts with kicking off the legal process.
Keep up with that therapy. Right now, take it one step at a time: get legal advice, sort out living arrangements, and most importantly, make sure you and your daughter have a solid support network.
Good luck in your new life, you deserve it.
I read your original post when you made it and, damn, I am so happy you made that decision. He had 8 years to make a change and didn’t. I know he promised he would change now, but I am 100% sure it’s because you asked for a divorce. If you take it back, he will act perfect for a bit and then go back to his shitty self.
So, what now? Take a deep breath and don’t hurry into doing anything permanently. If you can, please leave and go live somewhere else; a friend, family, something. And then take it day by day. Try to focus on yourself and your kids’ wellbeing and do things you love. Therapy can help you a lot with all this. If you think he will be angry or tries to hurt you physical or something, don’t hesitate to go for a restraining order against him and try to win full custody. Find a lawyer to help you protect everything they can.
Wish you the best 🙂
>My only question is, what do I do from here?
Live.
Talk to your lawyer get their advice on what to do, how to get him out of the house, pay child support, custody, etc.
It will be uncomfortable for a while as the process plays out but it will get better
I read your first post. I typically don’t advocate for the big D word but when I read that you have to make him shower and he doesn’t like the clean feeling, that’s grounds for divorce right there! No adult grown person should have to be told to wash themselves especially by their spouse. That’s crazy! Ima leave it at that! Only question is, did he not shower in the beginning or something because I don’t see how you could’ve possibly missed that early on. 🤷🏾
This internet stranger is really, really proud of you for pulling the plug.
What do you do now? Take it one step at a time. The hardest part was taking the first step, now you just take a deep breath, and step again. You’ve got this.
OP, read your previous post. This divorce is long overdue. Your husband also needs therapy. Looks like you’re getting your life together with school and therapy for yourself.
I’m not sure what’s next for you. A mediator is significantly cheaper than a divorce attorney but I’m guessing he won’t go that route.
Good luck and stay strong.
congrats! talk to lawyers, get him out of the house, get help from your support network
Why are you getting a divorce? I ask because all you said was that you fight. Your partner is the person you will fight the most with. This is part of a relationship. Is the fighting physical? Is he mentally abusive? Is he mistreating your daughter? Are either of you cheating?
Also, so normally he would go to work and you would go to…therapy? Do you have a way of supporting yourself after the dissolution of your marriage, or are you planning to live off alimony/child support? Who’s moving out? You or him? Will your daughter have to change schools? Who’s paying the lawyers?
This is a big change with a lot of considerations.
Lol. If he cried definitely move on.
Find a lawyer ASAP and let family and friends know, and if you can stay with them or have one of them come stay as reading your history I’m worried he will take drastic actions just to keep you from leaving.
i remember your original post, good for you for leaving! and stay safe <3
Time to retain a lawyer. It will seem expensive but it will be worth it
oh thats easy, you talk to your lawyer and let him deal with all the technicalities. the financials, property division and so on.
You start looking for your own accomodation exept if you own the property you’re in now and he doesn’t.
start informing family and friends. If you’re getting along with his family. tell them as well and ask them to get their family member out of the house. Be direct and tell them why, agression, violence, alcoholism, and that you and the kids do not feel safe with him there.
Also. maybe plan on not dating for the first couple of years just to get your bearings again.
Uh, from here you go to divorce? I mean, you could try some sort of couples counselling if you aren’t already doing it; as a last ditch effort; but it is not inherently necessary.
Get a lawyer, try to do it as amicably as possible and avoid a judge and that’s it.
> My only question is, what do I do from here?
Find a divorce lawyer and make an appointment.
Your soon to be ex sounds similar to mine. And your emotions towards him sound like mine when I knew it was over.
First things first, DO NOT LET THIS MAN TALK YOU INTO STAYING. I did it and it just prolonged the inevitable and subjected me to more verbal/emotional abuse.
Do you have money for a lawyer? If so, consult one. The retainers can be anywhere from $1500 to $3000, in my experience. I did not have the money so I filed “pro se” in my state. You’ll have to check how your state does it.
Get the ball rolling now. I sat on it for months. From Sept 2019 to finally filing in June 2020. Don’t wait that long.
And I just want to add, this might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through. It was for me. But it was worth it. It was soooo worth it. My mind when to dark and dangerous places during the divorce. Maybe I should just give up and stay… NO!! You deserve better and you’ll get that. Even if it seems impossible. Things will get good for you again. You may even find the love of your life after the storm clears.
Don’t be alone with him again. He’s controlling, like you said in the last post,so when begging for you back and love bombing doesn’t work, he’s probably going to blow up your phone with insults and run a smear campaign against you.
If he does, keep the receipts so you can use it in the divorce.
Talk to a few divorce lawyers. Find one you click with if you can.