Help. Feel so lost in my marriage.

Tired of being told every problem in our marriage is my fault

Throwaway account because who knows if people would figure this out. My husband (41m) and I (40f) have been married for 5 years, together for 7. Every problem/issue in our marriage is my fault according to him. I am in therapy, I am on antidepressants, anti anxiety medications, I try and use the skills the therapists and psychiatrists have recommended for communication however if it’s not the correct way or if I show any agitation or “negative emotions” I’m “out of hand”. Last night he asked for details re: an upcoming trip, which I had given him VERBALLY multiple times and he acknowledged. I didn’t have these details ON THE READY for him: some will be coming closer to travel dates, some are booked though a group tour, so no individual tour companies, some have varied start times (pickup between X-y) because of this I don’t know what I’m doing & he threw my notebook back at me because he can’t read my handwriting. I’m sick of it, absolutely tired of getting blamed, even when I literally run through the EXACT SCENARIO of him signing the email waivers he tells me he remembers no details & I don’t know what I’m talking about & I CONTINUE to be the problem in our relationship. I emailed & WhatsApp the tour operators to get all the details and got the minute details and he told me to get out of his face, that he purposely was “not acting like a child, like you” and “removed himself from the situation like an adult”. At this point I AM angry and I have started yelling because this is the information he wanted and I am sick of him constantly doing this, which he responds to in a mocking tone. He refuses to speak to me about anything of any substance, if I do speak to him, I get one word answers. His response to my concerns with this is: your feelings aren’t my problems. Get over it. I’m a guy, we don’t talk all the time. I made him like this, with my horrible attitude & always finding the negative in everything. He did NOT used to be like this. Again, he blames ME for this…I am the one that made him like this because I’m an awful partner. He gets irritated when I don’t make decisions but when I do, if they aren’t t the ones he wants, he balks. He refuses to attend therapy with me. I tried to talk to him about therapy at first. Then, he started to use it against me:” oh go write that down in your journal so you can talk about it next week! Oh! Did that bother you? Go write that down too! Oh, you’re using that as an excuse today? Ok, look at you, not doing stuff because someone yelled at you 30 years ago: get over it.” Calls me crazy, tells me that I’m insane. Last night called me a cunt, a bitch, etc. because times weren’t exact. If you’re not running on his schedule, gods help us all, but if he’s running late or not feeling well, that’s fine. I feel so unsupported, so unsuccessful in my relationship. He never asks about my job, how I am, nothing. Just comes home, sits on the couch, watches tv & plays on his tablet. I have no family close. No friends. I work from home. I’m the primary breadwinner & also take care of the animals & the house. I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m alone. I cry a lot when I’m alone. I hide my feelings from others because I’m embarrassed about what’s going on. I feel like nothing I do is right, nothing is good enough. “That’s your problem. That’s your perception. You’re making things up in your head. You’re crazy, I never said that”. Tonight I was demented because I “accused” him of telling me I chose the later flight, which gives us less than an hour for a layover. I KNOW I didn’t choose that: there WAS no earlier flight. He told me he didn’t want to see my face any more and to get out of the room before he punched me in the face. He then proceeded to follow me down the hall after I left, ranting and raving how insane I was & how he was done after this vacation. I asked what was stopping him from leaving before that? I told him not to worry, he wouldn’t have to see my face or hear my voice any more. I took the dogs on a walk & he had locked the bedroom door when I got back, so I go to bed again without my nighttime meds. And tonight I sleep on the couch, again. Thanks for listening.