How do you know if you’re going to come back to your partner after taking some space away?

10 comments

1. As a non-binary male, no one who had ever requested a break from me decided to come back.

2. You don’t know. That’s the point of the break or as you call it space away. It’s to give you time to think about your relationship without the distraction of your partner. It gives you time to get to know if you are happy or unhappy. If gives you time to decide. I have taken breaks in relationships and we got back together. But I know people who haven’t. The biggest thing is to figure out what you want.

3. I never expect someone to come back OR expect that I’ll come back. I trust that either way, I’ll be absolutely fine.

4. If there is a break, not just a long distance temporary thing, I would not come back honestly

5. I think it really depends on what’s causing the need for the break, and whether or not one or both of you are supposed to be working on something while the break is happening or you just went “I’ll take some time off and hope it gets better” while the other person does nothing different/nothing changes.

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   Time away from something that is a problem doesn’t just let you rest and refuel, it shows you how much better you feel without it. That doesn’t exactly make you want to go back to it, regardless of how re-energized you might feel. Breaks often teach people that their world *doesn’t* fall apart without the other person. So in order for the break to only be temporary, something has to change. Or the break had to be about something other than the partner and for some reason both people have to feel it would be better to be separated while that thing is resolved instead of just staying together and working through it together – which isn’t a concept I really jive with so I cant come up with an example of what that might be.

6. I don’t believe a break is a thing that would ever be good for me. Either I’m in, and we’re a team, and we’re working on being awesome, or I’m unsure, then I reflect a LOT, and if I’m done I just end the relationship. I ended the 2 LTRs I had before I met my husband.

7. I wouldn’t. When I hear I need a break I take it as I want to break up but I’m a coward so doing it this way is easier for me to do it. Or I already have someone in mind if it doesn’t work out with them then I’ll settle for the other person and go back.

8. Most of my friends do not know this (only one, actually), but my boyfriend and I have broken up on two or three occasions. During those occasions, I did not speak on it to anyone, as I wasn’t sure how permanent that would be. All were only for a few days at a time. Neither of us dated other people or touched another soul. These were two very short lived breakups, in which we sat down after fact and had some pretty intense conversations and mutually got back together. All three breakups were initiated by me, none by him. Like I said, very short lived. And it wasn’t ever about fighting or for attention, nor did I expect or want him to fight back and chase me…I’m not like that. I simply wanted space, didn’t feel like I was being the partner he wanted/needed for various reasons depending on when it occurred, and didn’t feel I was ready for a relationship during those times. However, obviously got back together. I think more than anything I just needed time to think.

   While I didn’t get “space” necessarily in only a few days…I decided to come back because of the convos we had, stating we knew what we should mutually work on, and just decided it was best we stay together and well…work on those things. I wasn’t going to walk away from him necessarily…I just knew I wasn’t all there and he was like well that’s okay, we will get there. So that’s what we have done.

   Each time we broke up I was completely sober during the day time…no alcohol induced breakup. It was me after much consideration.

9. I just know in my heart

10. If I still feel the same way about the person, I haven’t moved on emotionally, I haven’t been attracted to anyone else, if I feel that my life is better with them in it, and if I feel that the issues that caused the break have been or could be resolved.

    And of course they need to feel the same.