Conversation is one of my weakest social skills. I can do the basics “How are you? How was your weekend?” etc, but I kind of fall down after that. I want to get better at a couple of things:
\- Going beyond surface level conversations in interactions with friends/colleagues etc
\- Having regular, sustained deeper conversations with my partner
I’ve read a load of stuff online about “the importance of listening” and “don’t overthink” which is all well and good, but how do you actually come up with more stuff to say? I need to find things to talk about that aren’t just standard everyday things, household chores etc.
I’ve previously been told I’m like a soundboard. Someone says something and I’ll say something like “Oh yeah, I get that”, which can often kill the thread. I want to relate to the conversation and share my own examples or carry it on, but often I just can’t think of anything relevant. It’s got to the point where my partner leads most of the conversations and I’m a bit like a side character. I want to change this and split an equal share of conversation (both leading and reacting), but my head often feels so vacuous in conversation.
What are some constructive steps I can take to improve my (deeper) conversational skills and finding topics to discuss? Are there any good recommendations for podcasts/books that either provide interesting talking points or advice for \*how\* to find interesting talking points?
2 comments
That’s totally okay, you don’t need to feel pressured to be the most charismatic or smooth conversationalist! Not everyone is comfortable with small talk, and that’s totally normal. If you feel like you run out of things to say after the basics, try asking open-ended questions like “What was the best part of your weekend?” or “What’s something exciting you have coming up this month?
Maybe you just censor yourself, you don’t say the things you’d like to say. Thus you have no topics. Small talk is boring crap, that’s why it’s difficult to do it. Our mind is perplexed about talking about boring nonsense. What’s the use.
Let’s say I want to be sincere. There are colleges at work and I want to be friend with them, but I have nothing to say which is “socially normal and acceptable”.
The only thing that I’m thinking about and that I’d be glad to discuss is the hot redhead I’d like to buttfuck later tonight. If I don’t censor myself and just tell them about her, I might make friends with them and have an exciting Convo about something we all like and enjoy talking about. Or maybe they are prudish hypocritical fellows that will run away from me, criticizing me or something. Who cares? At least I’m expressing myself and not doing nonsensical small talk. It’s so easy to talk when you just talk about things you want to say.
It’s impossible to come up with things to say That you don’t care about. That’s not conversation that’s just talking, or opening your mouth to emit sound.