Genuine question, how does a man not appear desperate?

42 comments

  5. by not being desperate.

    you have plenty to offer women, and are confident in your ability to make them happy, while being a whole person on your own and having plenty going on, right?

    no?

    well, work on that, then.

  6. You have to believe you have a decision in the matter and not clinging to every potential opportunity that comes your way.

  7. He has an abundance mentality.

    As in, if he doesn’t score with one girl, he’s confident he will score with another. Rejection doesn’t faze him. It hurts him as much as going to the ATM only to realise it’s out of order. “Oh well, might as well find another.”

    He doesn’t immediately say yes to every opportunity a girl gives him or get excitable by it. Sometimes he can say ‘No, I’m not interested’ or ‘I’m busy with other shit’. A very controversial man once gave the illustration of food in the fridge. If you have a lot of food in the fridge you get picky about what you *want* to eat. If you have very little in the fridge, you can’t be picky.

  8. Act like you could care less one way or the other, if it happens great, if not I have a million other things I could be dong.

  10. Have no expectations in life and be grateful for how things are. Any addition to your life is a bonus, not an entitlement. When you work your ass off and reach your personal best, the world opens for you.

  11. Presuming you mean in regards to pursuing women, Once youve made your interest clear, wait for reciprocation. Unfortunately there is still a prevalent feeling that a man should pursue and win over his partner, but that is slowly fading and a woman who is interested in you will give you SOME indication. If you make your interest well known and they dont give you anything in response? Don’t chase them. Either they are not interested or they want to be chased and thats a whole other kind of mess

  12. Make a plan for what you will do if things go badly. (Like if she says no, as a random example.) Accept that you need to move on with your life and focus on other things.

  14. The first thing to do is wipe the tears away , get off your knees and stop begging .

  15. treat women as human beings, who have their own wants, needs, and desires, rather than as a prize to be won.

    don’t see them as needing to be tricked into liking you. – believe you deserve to be liked, and show interest in them as human beings without being nosy or creepy.

  16. If you have enough time to sit around think about the fact that you’re desperate and want to know how to hide it, then you have time to stop caring about dating and improving yourself physically and mentally until people come to you. You should be focusing on trying to have fun, being true to yourself, and improving your own life before you add someone to it. If you’re desperate, put the work in for yourself to make the conditions for yourself better, then you won’t have the energy to be desperate, you’ll be happier with yourself, and you’ll have more to offer when someone that actually shows up wanting to be with you.

  17. u/whiskeybridge nailed it.

    Also, social norms being what they are, women will pick up on everything you do, and read the energy behind those words and actions. Have confidence in yourself. Insecurity can quickly kill a woman’s interest in you.

  18. Flirting should always be jokey and reciprocal. It’s a suggestion of a higher level of intimacy than has been already achieved. You can always ask “are you flirting with me?” in a not too serious tone and if it’s a no just shrug because it isn’t a big deal and drop it or exit the conversation

  19. Don’t hit on or hit the like button on every woman with a post. Be selective about who you pursue. Women pay attention, and having community Penis is a turnoff.

  20. I’m not a man. But in my experiences as a woman on the receiving end. There are men who are comfortable around women, and there are men who aren’t.

    The men who aren’t, usually just because of their hobbies etc tend to panic, look very anxious and are generally hard to interact with for me to even tell if they’re someone I might possibly even want to connect with.

    Then there are the men who are comfortable. If we connect on a few levels then we might individually decide if we want to pursue this.

    While the men who are comfortable might get rejected, they tend to at least get seen. It’s not fair, but if a man is so scared to talk to me, and is obviously shaking etc. I just feel bad and step away because I’m clearly making him uncomfortable.

    So, get used to being around women unromantically so that when you do find someone you might be interested in. You don’t crumble under “hello.”

  23. Make it true. Make it so you don’t have to fake it. You can’t hide blood from a shark, don’t try and hide it.

  25. When I met my wife, there is no better word to describe how I felt on the inside than desperate. I was desperate for love, affection, touch, sex, intimacy, all that.

    But I acted like a normal dude. I controlled the things I said and did as any normal, functioning member of society would. And I am sure that on some level she could see my inner desperation, but you know, that is kind of hot to women. It shows maturity. It shows that I am capable of not letting my emotions dictate my actions. Men who act on impulse are dangerous and unpredictable.

  26. Show you got enough going on, that you are okay with waiting for the right person. Basically I like you, but I don’t need to like you. I can like whatever I like

  28. By being comfortable with the possibility of failure and rejection.

    She needs to feel like she can just say no to you without having to protect your feelings, make up excuses, or fear for her safety.

  32. You have to act like you don’t want anything and are relaxed despite being in the complete opposite scenario.

  34. Be confident. Never put a woman on a pedestal. Always be prepared to walk away. Change your mindset from asking her to grace you with her time, to inviting her to join you for coffee/drinks/whatever. You pick the day, time, and location of all dates. During the relationship, you can ask for her input as to what she would enjoy doing, but you make the final decisions. IOW, be a man. Be decisive.

  35. Be honest with your feelings, to others and to yourself

    Desperation is selfish. You care about filling the void in you more than you care about the other person.

    If thats the case then don’t approach that person in first place

  37. Cultivate Zen. Learn to genuinely not care about the outcome of situations. Extend that to interacting with other people you meet randomly ( elders, kids , baristas, Uber drivers) . When you comfortably talk to any and all you meet with no real expectations you will be perceived as confident and charismatic, to some extent you will be. Dealing effortlessly with people is a skill that must be developed.

  38. Just be cool. Don’t let anything phase you.

    If you like her, ask her out confidently. If she says no, say “okay” and move on. If she says yes, buy her dinner.

    You just can’t show any fear or disappointment. Give the appearance of confidence.

  39. Stop worrying about how you appear and start worrying about how you *are*

    Everyone wants to look a certain way, that’s a half measure, the 3asy way out. Unless you are a damn good actor people see right through that thin veneer.

    Work on yourself, put in the time, learn to be okay on your own and not need to be with someone. Learn to actually not be desperate, desperate is a symptom of something broken inside you. Fix what’s broken and become the best version of yourself

  40. Don’t be desperate. Be happy and satisfied with the life you have. You are in control of who you are and what you do. You don’t break the law and pay your taxes, you can pretty much do anything you want here in the USA.

    Bottom line: you are the only one responsible for your own happiness.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like