(Reposted cause it got filtered out for being from a new account then buried)
So long story short, ive never really dated before. Every single person ive ever dated was a friend or classmate i knew fairly well, went “you wanna be my partner?” (Or vise versa), and we went from there. The only exception to this rule is one person i met on a dating app, who i was friends with for a while before we actually really went out or anything. Dunno how that happened but it did.
Despite my laundry list of relatively long term committed relationships considering most of them were during my teenage years, i dont feel like ive actually dated. None of these people i went on a lot of actual dates with for various reasons, whether they were LDR or the relationship had to be kept on the downlow or we were too poor to do things or a mixture of some sort. The only relationship ive been in after i became an adult was another LDR with a friend id been in love with for years, which wouldn’t have caused that many problems considering I have a job and love to travel. But well, yknow. Covid.
Hell, ive never even kissed anyone before. I dont know how to explain to the average person how im an adult thats dated so many people and have never been kissed. Im like terrified of making a fool of myself if I get to that point with anyone really.
Anyways, after a particularly bad breakup, i took a break from dating for a while and just let myself heal. But recently ive been thinking of putting myself out there, with never-before-seen casual dating. I mean despite me downloading dating apps here or there over the years ive never actually really broken my formula and went on a casual date with someone or anything, and i really wanted to. Surprisingly, after chatting with a lot of people i have like 2 people right now i actually want to go on dates with and kind of have a crush on. But i dont actually know how to approach any of this. I mean, at what point am i supposed to stop talking to and dating multiple people? How do am i supposed to know when it starts becoming inappropriate, how am i supposed to discuss these things, what do i do with the people who “dont make the cut”? Also do people really kiss on the 1st to 3rd date? That seems wild to me.
Basically im just afraid im gonna stumble into a dating faux pas and seriously offend or hurt someone and my friends are no use because none of them have a lot of experience with this sort of stuff either. I seriously dont know how any of this stuff is supposed to work, and im 21 yrs old. Any advice is appreciated.
1 comment
>None of these people i went on a lot of actual dates with for various reasons
What you did with building friendships is the same that you do on dates; you get to know each other, you reach a level that works for both of you, you express romantic interest and you go from there.
Well, except that dating is just all of these things in random time intervals.
>Hell, ive never even kissed anyone before.
So, what did you do with the whole list of partners you’ve had on your romantic CV? Play scrabble? Exchange christmas gifts? Dare I say, hold hands…?
> I mean, at what point am i supposed to stop talking to and dating multiple people?
When you feel like it. That’s pretty much it. I couldn’t continue seeing others after I met my now girlfriend, because I didn’t feel like it, at all.
>How do am i supposed to know when it starts becoming inappropriate, how am i supposed to discuss these things, what do i do with the people who “dont make the cut”? Also do people really kiss on the 1st to 3rd date? That seems wild to me.
Honestly, it depends per person. I’ve never gone past a first or second date without having sex, others go on 5 dates and barely kiss.
As for people who don’t make the cut… they get the cut, if you will. You just say it doesn’t work for you and you bid them farewell.
Honestly, things make so much more sense when you’re in the moment actually talking with someone, because then you know what’s appropriate or not. **THERE’S NO FORMULA OR COOKIE CUTTER MOULD AS TO WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO, AND WHAT YOU’RE NOT.**