I (23F) joined the apps about 1 week ago and had a date set up on Friday with man A (28M) and a date set up on Saturday with man B (26M). Both dates went well and I planned second dates with both men, which led to plans for 3rd dates. At this point, I have gone on 3 dates with man A and 2 dates with man B. I have not had sex with either.
I explained to both of them that I was on the apps with the intention of finding a relationship but am in no rush to be in that relationship. I really like both men and have great chemistry with both so far. Both have also indicated an interest being in a relationship down the line. The idea of having to potentially end it with one of them genuinely breaks my heart. I feel like I don’t know quiet enough about each of them to determine if there is the logistic foundation for us to be in a relationship. I have not discussed exclusivity with either and expect them to still be entertaining other options but I don’t know if they are. They are both still on the app.
I pride myself on being an honest person and this feels quite unnatural for me. I’ve never dated 2 men at the same time. As we progress and I continue to develop feelings for them I don’t want this to get out of hand, but I feel like I’ve gotten into relationships really quick and I end up finding out that we weren’t compatible and wishing I had seen that prior to entering a relationship. I simply don’t want a repeat of that. I want to be intentional and slow with my choice but I also want to consider their feelings, desires, and potential expectations in this situation.
There are still things I need to discuss with them before a relationship, but I fear both of them are looking in that direction as it relates to me.
Do I immediately discuss these “things” (concerns, potential dealbreakers) with these men before things get further? Do I tell them I’m still dating around?
Best case-scenario one of them reveals a dealbreaker or isn’t feeling it anymore and takes themselves out of the running. Worst case-scenario I tell them and they are turned off by me and no longer interested.
2 comments
Dice out! Play the field!
You are getting to know them and they are getting to know you.
Choose your best option, because they will also choose their best option.
Just don’t do anything you wouldn’t like being done to you. I personally have a rule about not sleeping with 2 different women in the same day because I’d hate for a girl to sleep with me after she’s just been with another guy.