This is happening in real time and is the most uncomfortable situation I’ve been in in a long time. For context my dad has been dating this woman for two years and we all live with each other and her only daughter is seriously messed up. She is very self absorbed and obsessed with herself and her body with her saying things like “every guy wants me” “I walk into a room and know I’m the hottest in the room” not only that but she believes she’s humble/super intelligent/empathetic when in reality she is the most toxic and narcissistic person I’ve ever met. I know I’m not the problem because I’ve never had a problem with anyone in my life I’m super passive and quiet I just chill in the background mostly.
As soon as I met her I know I wouldn’t like her because she’s straight out of “mean girls” very back handed and a mean popular girl in school. I’m too old to deal with a highschool bully so I was nice to her (bringing her smoothies from work and driving her around constantly) and mostly stayed out of her way but yesterday on a car ride with the entire family she said I was very mean to her seemingly out of nowhere and tried to get her mom (my step mom) to agree with her because supposedly in private my step sister complains about me constantly and they both believe I’m a bully?? I was like whiplashed because I had no idea where this was coming from I asked her to give me an example because I was genuinely so confused but she couldn’t give me a single example. Then she starts BAWLING and screaming like a baby about how mean I am. No one comes to my defense they kinda just stare at what’s unfolding we were even in the car with a random tourist guide and she did that. Who does that kind of thing?? I’ve only lived with her this summer before I go back to school and I know she has mental problems and historically she has had tantrums and physically abused her parents but I never thought she would turn in unto me
This happened yesterday and we are on vacation another 3 days. My dad apologized to me for the situation in private but now it feels like everything is spoiled especially with the step mom who I really liked but now it’s all so uncomfortable I’m not sure what to do. After her screaming fit I made a BS apology to be the bigger person then went to bed.
What can I do in this situation?
16 comments
make like a tree and leave.
I certainly wouldn’t stick around for that bs, go live your life and do it just as far away from them as possible
I know it’s hard to see this sometimes, but a 15 year old is a child. They are not an adult. They cannot be expected to be “the bigger person” because they are a child.
That being said, you do not need to humor this child. They are not your responsibility. It is your dad and step-mom who need to work towards helping this teenager grow into an acceptable person.
I can tell you, as a parent, that the adults do not see her as an adult. They see her as a child. Any idiot knows how their children operate. I guarantee they are more awkward because she had a tantrum, not because of what the tantrum was about. More likely they are awkward because they are worried about YOU not her.
Do your best to focus on building a mature adult relationship with your dad and your step-mom. 20 is a rough age because you’re still learning how to be an adult and you’re transitioning into a new relationship with your own parents. Talk to them about her. Let them know calmly that you are bewildered by the teenager’s behavior. Recognize that this girl lives in a completely different world than you do and that her tantrums and self-destructive behavior are not your problem to fix. Live your life, not the one this girl is trying to make you live.
Why do you acknowledge them as steps, or did I read incorrectly . If the adults are just dating then I would 1- live up to the hype by slapping the piss right out of her 2- go live with a relative or your own mom if she’s in the picture.
You NEVER apologize for something that isn’t your fault. Do you hear me, never!!!!!
You just keep doing you. Try to remain calm and reasonable and considerate. Peace in the face of chaos. It’s the best way.
I would have a very open conversation with dad and step mom and lay everything out. Explain what you do for her and that the comments she makes (examples above) about herself and others could cause issues if they haven’t already. Don’t go after the parenting but explain how embarrassing it is and you feel that apologizing in private doesn’t help deal with her attitude.
I highly recommend that you stop doing anything for that little brat. No more giving her rides in your car, no more bringing her treats from work, etc.
And do not ever be in a position where you are alone with her.
I mean, you were wrong to apologize. That may tell people there is something to what she is saying.
She will keep doing this if you let her. You need to be ready to shut it down next time. “So how do you decide when you’re ready to make up a story for attention? Does something need to happen, or is it more when you’re feeling insecure?” If anyone says anything to you, “hey, I’m just trying to understand why she’s telling more lies about me. What, she can play make believe and say nasty things about me, and I can’t ask her why she’s doing it?”
I think this is one time I’d condone a faux-apology of “well I’m sorry you *feel* that way…” because you never actually wronged her.
I’ve met people like this as adults and people who have been around them for long can generally see through it, which just makes their behaviour more extreme to get more attention.
I had a similar situation with an adult that I knew that would constantly say that people are “bullying” her, even though nobody seemed to have seen her get bullied, but a lot of people could recall mean comments that she’d made. I had almost the same conversation with her, where she said I was bullying her and I asked for an example of when I’d done that and she started yelling that i was gaslighting her and that I should stay away from her.
It is possible that she is genuinely upset that you see through her and needs to create more and more fuss, because the subtle bullying she was doing before wasn’t working. It’s also possible that she’s such a narcissist that she believes that anyone who isn’t fawning on her 24/7 is being mean. We don’t know and we don’t really need to know.
Unfortunately it comes across that she has been spoiled and doted on for so long she emotionally can’t function without it. In that sense she may interpret you not centring her in your existence as being ‘mean’ or whatever. But for a 15 year old to be throwing a fit of that intensity in public like that, honestly it worries me how nobody is pointing out that she clearly needs therapy. Unfortunately some kids internalise divorces or some parents overcompensate in the fallout, that may be the case here.
At the end of the day she has made herself the elephant in the room, not you. Your father is going to have to get real about how he handles this, he can’t leave you to take the punches and worse he may have to face that his partner is not the mother he hoped she was. If that comes to pass do not take it personally or feel you made a mistake. That her mother is humouring any of this is a real concern and would come to the fore eventually.
Why TF are you apologizing? And why instead of defending you, Your father secretly apologize to you just not upset your stepsister?
Why is your father prioritizing a grown brat ?
Don’t ever apologize when you’re not wrong cause they’ll never learn.
Ask your dad why he’s not only willing to put up with this toxic BS but putting you through it as well. Next thing she does could be accusing him of being inappropriate with her. Why are you apologizing to be the bigger person? That’s the reaction she wants. You need to tell her to get bent.
Yes I hated when my bully bought me smoothies and not insult me. You can not like her that’s your right. You cant get along with everyone not possible. And usually a gut instinct is correct so if you get bad vibes. But she is just a kid and I guess you have to be the adult.
Your step sister needs counseling. She’s young enough to change and grow. But if her mom just humors her, she will never change.
Your step sister needs counseling. She’s young enough to change and grow. But if her mom just humors her, she will never change.