Throughout my one year relationship it has been pretty clear that one of my partners main love language is gift giving. They often give me things like chocolates, candy or flowers every once in a while, sometimes going to “bigger” gifts like collectible figurines or books or even clothes. All have been gifts I loved and appreciated no matter how big or small, cheap or expensive they were because of the meaning behind them. However, there is a category of gifts that I’m slowly getting frustrated with. Useless/disposable gifts. For example, they like to buy Pokemon card packets for us to open together, but they show no interest in keeping the cards, and even though I’ve told them I have no interest in keeping them either, they keep buying them and insisting I keep them. A while ago they went on a trip and bought a weird toy from a faire, initially for themselves, and after showing it to me they insisted I kept it once more. I told them how I didn’t really want it, besides they bought it for their own amusement so I wouldn’t want to take it away, still one day they came over to my house and left it here and told me to keep it. They bought me a pocket watch with a sailor moon engraving on it… I’ve never even watched sailor moon or expressed a big interest in it. The list of useless things goes on and on and at first I would just brush it off I still loved what the gifts represented, how they constantly thought of me. But lately the clutter accumulated from all those useless things is starting to stress me out. I’m a very practical person and I’ve been looking to reduce the things I own significantly for a cleaner environment and all those gifts are kinda getting in the way. I’ve talked to them about this, and also told them how I don’t really like having things I don’t use but it feels like I’m being ignored. My partner is very sensitive so I know telling them “stop being me things” will unchain a long conversation about how they do it because they love me and Its rude how I’m rejecting things (it has happened before). How can I tell them nicely to either stick to small useful things (like food) or to just not get me anything at all?
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>How can I tell them nicely to either stick to small useful things (like food) or to just not get me anything at all?
But you said:
>I’ve talked to them about this, and also told them how I don’t really like having things I don’t use but it feels like I’m being ignored
Either start giving them away or refuse to take them and put them back in his backpack and stand your ground.
You are right in thinking that this is probably his way of showing love but like you also said, the gifts could be more practical, like food. Stand your ground, refuse the gifts.
“Dear partner, remember when I said ‘less is more’? Can we channel that into our gift choices too?
Straight tell him
You prefer to be gifted food items
Tell him that you wouldn’t be rejecting things if he got you stuff you actually liked, and that what is actually rude is not making an effort to understand your taste and style as a person.
Alternatively, start regifting him everything you don’t like, and when he says “I gave this to you!” Tell him, “No you didn’t babe, you’re such a good gift giver! You’d never gift me something I’d hate.” And smile like the angel you are.
I don’t like getting little useless little trinkets and I had the conversation with my boyfriend and he respects it.