So I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4.5 years and it’s been a rough few days. I am scheduled to head into the country my first love (let’s call him David) currently lives. Whenever David comes to my country/town, he reaches out and we sometimes meet up for a friendly hello. I did not keep in active contact with David. We never texted or communicated otherwise. When I was dating my boyfriend, and David reached out, I asked my boyfriend what his thoughts were and how he felt that David asked to see me for a coffee. He was fine with me seeing someone who felt more like a friend than an ex-partner, 10 years after the breakup. Keep in mind, David is a person that was in my life 10 years ago, so at least for me, a lot of the feelings of romance have been replaced with a respectful warmth and happiness for each other. (Well at least that’s how I feel.)
The last time David was in town, my ex and I were broken up and I saw him. Nothing romantic happened between David and I, but he asked me if I was single at the time, and I was. We talked for a little bit (long distance) after he left, and there was a sense of him wanting to try again, but at the same time being very hesitant because it was long distance. He was very clear about it with me: he was not going to invest emotionally in something that did not have the potential to be something more. And I agreed with him.
Things died out after a while, which felt really weird, but I accepted it. I figure that if two people really want to maintain communication, both parties will try. At the time, I was the one trying and calling and texting often, and I realized that there wasn’t interest on his end.
Fast forward a few months and my ex and I are back together and I forget all about David….well mostly. He sometimes comes to mind, and I wonder about where he is and what he’s up to. We’re not connected via any social media (I don’t keep active contact with my exes when I am in a relationship), but I find myself googling him sometimes to see what he’s been up to (the nature of his work makes his accomplishments public).
Then, for many reasons very unrelated to David, my ex and I break up. This is on the verge of a trip I have to take for work, which is now good and bad. It’ll give me some time away from my ex but also takes me, quite literally, a few hours away from David.
Funny how the universe works.
Given David and I have not spoken in a while, should I reach out to him before I head to his country? If so, how should I approach that text?
TL;DR: Recent break up with ex #2. Now, I find out I am going away for work. I’ll be a mere 2 hours away from ex #1 (the first love). Should I reach out to him?
1 comment
If I’m understanding, your relationship with your boyfriend only ended a few days ago? I think I would let some more time pass, both for you to heal *and* so that David doesn’t feel like you’re trying to jump from A to B.
David may have let things die out because it’s clear he was interested in more than a friendship and you weren’t. Sometimes letting things die out is the best solution in that scenario.
I also think you have to factor in that David might not be single. The two of you haven’t kept open contact so, if you do reach out, I would prepare yourself for that possibility.