My boyfriend (M27) and I (F26) have been living together for more than a year now. For some context, i live in an apartment that’s pretty comfortable for 2 people. Ever since we’ve been living together, I handle groceries and other home expenses on my own since I earn more than my boyfriend. And i don’t have a problem with it at all because i want him to be able to save up for himself since his monthly earnings take a big hit with gas and personal expenses. And i’m happy to have him at home and to make it a safe space for him to do whatever he wants whether it be videogames or basketball and night outs with his friends.

Now he has opened up that he doesnt feel comfortable at my place. He said he feels like a freeloader because it’s not a place that he actually paid for. This came up because i was having internet installed within the week and the internet provider couldn’t give a time frame for the service so it’s a waiting game. He said he felt like a security guard or a prisoner because he has to wait for an indefinite amount of time for it, and now he feels that his day off is ruined becaused he wanted to do errands. But since he’s the one at home, he feels like he’s stuck there not knowing what to do except wait. I reassured him that he’s not a freeloader and that it’s his home too, but he doesnt agree and insists that it’s not his place.

I do understand where he’s coming from, but at the same i don’t know why he blew up at me about it saying that i didnt even consider his plans for his days off when i actually didnt even know he wanted to do errands in the first place. I just thought that since he’s at home, he could help supervise the service done there while i’m at work. It felt unfair that he didnt consider that i needed his help for this but I also dont want to invalidate his feelings on this.

How do i help him feel better and not feel like a prisoner in my home?

tl;dr Boyriend and I having been living together for a year. I take care of home expenses but boyfriend feels like a freeloader, prisoner, and security guard in my home, how do i help make him feel that he isnt?

1 comment
  1. It’s up to him to resolve his feelings.

    Sounds more like he just didn’t want to wait at home for the internet guy so he’s throwing this other petulant shit at you.

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