We’ve been together 8 years, married for 5. No kids.

Our sex life used to be fantastic but over the years it’s dwindled. I found out he masturbates at least once a day. Watches porn that is completely different than who I am.

I’ve tried to be cool with it. It’s his body and I don’t want to be controlling and tell him he can’t masturbate. Hell i watch porn from time to time too!

But he never tries with me. It has to be perfect conditions for him to attempt. I tried making a loose schedule for sex three days a week. And I mean loose in the sense that we knew a day we scheduled sex was tomorrow, we’d reserve some time/energy for it.

But unless I remind him or initiate, he won’t go through with it.

But literally EVERY night, without fail, he says he’s going to his computer room and he’s masturbating. I’ll ask him and he’ll be honest. He says he just does it to decompress and relax. But idk, I just feel like it seems like sex is a chore to him. I’ve tried to accommodate him and be better in bed. I’ve never had complaints before from him or other partners, but he just prefers masturbating.

And I want him to want to have sex with me.

I’ll try to keep myself open to it too! I’ll flirt with him, tell he looks handsome/sexy, touch him, etc. hell compliment me and stuff, but it’ll stop there. Right now we’re having sex once every few weeks and my feelings are hurt.

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he doesn’t think he’s addicted. He thinks it’s more of a problem with both of us finding time. And I know that’s on me too but I’m actively trying so hard to fix this, but he could take it or leave sex.

I’m confused and hurt. Am I over reacting?

10 comments

  1. You are not overreacting. We see stories such as yours in the DeadBedrooms sub Reddit all the time. So I know that you are not alone. What would you think about getting counseling?

  2. You aren’t overreacting in anyway.

    ​

    Have you tried watching it together sometime. It might helps.

  3. You aren’t overreacting.

    You “don’t have time” to have sex because he’s too busy masturbating. He’s probably addicted but in denial about it. If it’s affecting you as badly as it seems like from your post, you need to take a stand and get a handle on it *now* before it gets worse. Good luck.

  4. I masterbate once and day and still want to make love to my wife. Do you wear outfits at all my wife does and owe does it turn me on

  6. I watch porn and masturbate to decompress and relax, and I cherish it in a way because I’m only having to focus on my pleasure. That being said, sex only once or twice a month would not be enough for me. I think therapy is warranted.

  7. What he won’t do another will I bet he stop masturbating then when big daddy start taking care of your needs

  8. I am currently dealing with the same issues, we have a session with a sex therapist but I literally had to threaten divorce

  9. Try watching it with him and ask him if you could help him finish. If he doesn’t let you it most likely because he’s all about himself and could careless about your needs. Or go to the XXX store buy and wand it’s like a big ass vibrator and let him catch you masturbating while watching porn. Or just leave him you have needs and need to be cared for im sure you can find someone else who will.

  10. Ask him if he can stop for one week to masturbate, if he can do that he might still be addicted but you maybe will see a difference in his attitude towards sex
    I think it might be worth a try

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like