How do stay at home dads maintain good mental health if they’re not breadwinners?

19 comments

1. I dunno, I’d just be bored. I don’t care about being the ‘breadwinner.’

2. My wife makes about double what I do. It hasn’t always been that way but what was more important for my mental health was to leave the industry I was in and go into a new one, even for a pay cut.

   I struggled a while with her making so much more than me but eventually realized that my providing for, leading, and serving my wife and kids meant more than just money. I do a ton around the house, make my wife and kids the #1 priority when I’m at home, work as hard as I can at my job in order to keep it. Leading and loving the family doesn’t mean being the breadwinner.

3. Calisthenics is a thing.

4. >As men we have a natural urge to wanna lead and be in charge because we feel like it’s our duty.

   You just made that up, based on your personal idea of masculinity.

   This also answers your question.

5. “Natural urge to wanna lead”. Uhhh…no.

   You do the same thing a stay at home mom would do. Take care of the kids and raising them. Take care of the house as much as possible in terms of cleaning and chores. Find hobbies to fill other time.

6. As long as I have a purpose, I’m good. Give me a checklist or let me make my own and I’ll work all day making sure I get everything done.

   Honestly right now my mental health isn’t great, I’m working for a software company and accomplishing close to nothing everyday; my team is disorganized, no one responds to questions, I get no guidance or training on new areas of the code.

   If my wife made enough to support us both, I’d 100% be ok with quitting and just taking care of everything to do with the household.

7. I’ve never been a stay at home dad. But I did work 3 on, 3 off and later had 50-50 custody all through my masters degree. I loved it. I’d say so long as the woman isn’t belittling or withholding sex because she doesn’t feel submissive to a man that isn’t earning more money then everything would be ok.

   The only issue is that I think less than 5% of women are capable of doing that.

8. I was a stay at home dad for a while.

   I maintained good mental health by being a stay at home dad.

   Why would I need to be the breadwinner to have good mental health?

9. Society has told you you have to be the breadwinner. And fuck society.

10. My friend is honestly one of the manliest/handy-man type out of all of us, and he’s a stay at home day and has no issues at all with it

    The wife makes more money and has the ability to work from home, so he is the main one that stays with the kids.

    When he’s not taking care of them, he does handiwork around the house (they bought a fixer upper cheap and he knows how to do all the carpentry work, plumbing and electrics) and when the kids are in a good spot, he’ll take up odd jobs as a general contractor

    Their kids love being able to see both of their parents, the wife is able to concentrate on her job without worrying about the family, and the dad is also able to spent quality time with the kids in addition to having enough flexibility to chip in depending on the circumstances

    What, did you want me to say that he’s in the kitchen barefoot cooking her dinner while she’s out with her briefcase and pantsuit heading into the office?

    Or that because he doesn’t make the most money people consider him a failure?

    Out of all of my friends, they’re the two in our friend group that has their stuff together and they’re doing it much more successfully than anyone else I knew who decided to follow the mindset you have. They’re the happiest, healthiest and everyone around us uses them as the example for how we’d want to raise our families

    If you’re actually caring about mental health, then you really should be asking more about the people who actually do follow these rigid views you have.

    Most of them I know either ended up in divorce, are in loveless marriages or are struggling to make ends meet.

    Their kids hate them because they never seem them, they’re stressed out because they believe in these concepts like “man do this, woman do that” and despite how the internet likes to think about this, these values don’t mean anything when we’re in the economy we’re in now

11. Because their ego isn’t tied to how much money they make. Life isn’t about being the “Alpha”

12. Huh? There’s no natural male urge to lead. That’s all social expectation. And that’s something that can be ignored.

13. Huh? There’s no natural male urge to lead. That’s all social expectation. And that’s something that can be ignored.

14. My dad does all the housework, cooking. Wakes up early to thaw the meat, makes breakfast everyday.

    Buys lunch for the fam and also acts as my nutrionist.

    He goes swimming jogging everday. Also visits his mom often. Keeps himself super busy and serves his family. My dad is a hardcore man and I love him a lot. I really wonder what goes on in his mind honestly. Always so proactive.

15. If a girl can out earn me and wants me to stay home with the kids, I would love to role reversal.

16. Screw having a breadwinner. It’s 2033 we got bills to pay

17. There is sociological pressures that can infect your mind due to gender roles that even having an awareness of doesn’t make them go away.

    You just have to remind yourself that it’s not real and f*** those who think the things that makes you feel inadequate.

18. My mental health is great. I left a successful career to not miss my kids grow up. My wife had aspirations to pursue her career and I support her and am very proud of her.
    Each day I have a blast with my kids. I play Barbie’s, go to the park, do the girls hair, watch movies, hear about the ups and downs after school etc. As well as the day to day activities. I love it and love contributing in ways other than financially. I also know if we needed the money that I could hop back in and make a good living again, it just isn’t a priority for us.

19. > As men we have a natural urge to wanna lead and be in charge because we feel like it’s our duty.

    Do we, now? I don’t think this is true.