How did you determine what you wanted to do with your life?

32 comments

1. Take a good amount of magic mushrooms and hit yourself with those questions.

2. This is not a suggestion, but I was in the same boat and went into the military. I scored high on the ASVAB and chose a job that I could turn into a career once I did my 4 years. They instilled discipline, drive, and a very good work ethic. To top it off, they gave me enough money at the end of active service to get my degree.

   As I stated… this is not a suggestion, but that was my experience. It was a hard 4 years but worth it in the end.

3. I felt lost after college and joined a service corps organization with a year commitment that helped pay back loans.
   Met SO many people, including my wife, because it brought me out of my shell and pushed my comfort zones like public speaking, interviews with news, etc.

4. First off… go see a psychiatrist. Dead serious on this. I’m not a mental health professional but what you’re describing sounds a lot like me. I am ADHD; was diagnosed back in the 80s as a kid when it was just starting to be understood and I struggle with everything you just said in adulthood. I have weeks or months at a time when my head clears and I make all kind of progress on my ambitions and then I have months of, yeah… but why? Nothing is really worth anything anyway so, why bother. I also don’t like that shit. Deep down, I KNOW I can do amazing things if I just had the drive full-time instead of just occasionally.

   I have an appointment setup next month with a psychiatrist to discuss all this. Maybe medication gets involved, maybe it doesn’t but, I have to try. I’m tired of living with my head like this.

   As far as how to stay grounded, you gotta find that reason. For me, it’s my kids. Every strive I make, every time I improve my own situation, I’m improving theirs. Their chances of success in life increase every time my success increases. They keep me focused, even when I’m in my slumps. What’s your, “why”?

5. I studied architecture for 3 years because I didn’t know what to do after school.

   Quit because I got depressed and I didnt see myself being an architect. Spent 2 years in depression and applied for apprenticeships in the trades. Now I’m in my second year and I think I can say I finally found out what I want to do with my life.

   Life isnt that straightforward as I thought it was (because school was like a routine for me, and once I got out of school I didn’t have that routine anymore and didn’t know what to do)

6. The need to survive! Grew up in a large family with not a lot of resources (poor). When you see people around you who never want for things, but you worry if there will be something for supper daily…. you figure a way to get yourself out of that situation! Then when you get out, you try to figure out a way to help others that want out… you are thankful for the smaller things that others take for granted!

7. I wanted to be a doctor since I was in middle school because I saw it as high paying job with stability that would let me work just about anywhere, would increase my chances with women, and allow me to afford my hobbies. I don’t think I was prepared for how long it would take but the journey was worth it.

8. Life is suffering. The only choice we have in life is what we’re willing to suffer for, what we’re willing to sacrifice ourselves for. This is the path you have to take.

9. I did directed drifting. I followed what i was interested in, but when presented with equal or semi equal choices, i went with ones that would make my life easier or more comfortable. I loved chemistry in high school. When i went to college, i talked with a professor and he said i could do chemestry or chemical engineering, but i would make more money in chem E. So i did that for a while in school. Then i was not happy, but i liked to hang out with the civil engineering guys. They were chill. So i did that, and found environmental engineering, which used more bio. So i did that. It was fun. I got a job in consulting. And did not like some of my projects, and did like others. I got asked to monitor demolition of industrial buildings. That was really fun. So now 20 years later, i do that mostly. I kinda just took oppertunities when they came up. And did not think to much about past choices.

10. Still don’t know, just winging it, working out ok.

11. I didnt.

    I entered my 20s with no plan and happened to accidentally join into the coolest office i could imagine, now making career in a field that has never been on my radar.

    Basicly all thanks to a friend who suddenly got promoted years ago and proceeded to pull me in only to have a nice coworker to chitchat with lol

12. I didn’t. I let life take me where it wants me. It’s kinda cringy but that’s where am at.

13. >How did you determine what you wanted to do with your life?

    You really don’t, but you don’t have to either. I think young people make the mistake of thinking that you are trapped in whatever you start on for the rest of your life, when in reality you aren’t. Also when you are young, you don’t even know what is out there. I went to a small school in a small town and had no idea what engineers did. I just heard they made a lot of money. I determined I would at least get a degree and if I didn’t like it I would make enough money to try something different. Ended up sticking with it and liked it.

    Just try something. Give it an honest go for a few years, and if that doesn’t work try something different. You have to start somewhere.

14. I’m 48 and only this year decided what I wanted to do with my life, so don’t get discouraged. I was a strongman athlete and started getting into coaching and that led me to the conclusion, that I get fulfillment helping others find their way and enrolled in school to become a therapist.

    Keep searching and trying out new avenues until you feel that click inside and then dive in.

15. Dropped out of school, spent a year depressed and aimless, found a job that seemed interesting enough, moved up to where I am currently.

    Definitely did not see myself doing this in highschool, but I like the work and the people I work with, so here we are

16. How old are you?

    I wouldn’t worry too much, or at least not get too specific. Like when I was 19-20, I had a plan for 5-10-20 years with steps that I had to take etc. And I tried to adhere to it for maybe 5 years, but I got kinda exhausted. Plus felt really bad when I wasn’t were I wanted to be.

    I think you need to get some form of balance, three questions that can be good to ask is:
    1.) How difficult is it to get that job?
    2.) How well does that job pays?
    3.) How fulfilling is that job?

    If you are on a career-path where one of those is either absent or all the job is about, then I would be kinda wary. Of signs of burn out and perhaps getting unnecessarily fatigued, etc.. You are supposed to last a really long time, and most days are going to be kinda boring or lacklustre. I think you need to find how something can be boring, but something you can endure, in a sense.

    With regards to difficulty of getting the job. Does it require special schools, that are either expensive, time consuming or competitive? I kinda went all in at grad school to do as much as possible, and I kinda got tired of it, when I was actually supposed to start working.

    When you are young you don’t really think that much ahead. I kinda neglected how much salary I could get, but it is just a sure fire way of having a life where you have unnecessary stress. I could barely make rent, didn’t want to see friends etc. and kinda struggled in the beginning.

    And then fulfilment. Which is a point most people give advice on. I think something you have a sense of distance to is healthy. When you are done with your work, don’t go home and do something similar to what you already did at work. You might not have an outlet, and you might loose interest or joy from that thing. So be careful to get a job which feels like a hobby.

    So just try find something that is useful for others, something that isn’t too difficult to accomplish/become, and something you like doing, but wouldn’t do to pass boredom.

    I kinda tried to do something that was very fulfilling, but didn’t accomplish question 1 or 2, it was extremely competitive and not secure getting a good salary. Now I have more balance. It feels like my career path and personal life, is somewhat separate. I enjoy my work, job and the career I am heading towards, but my well-being isn’t dependent on it, and it isn’t everything.

17. I had a college advisor suggest I major in something I’m good at, and I feel like that works regardless of whether you’re pursuing a degree.

    Do something you’re good at so it’s not a constant struggle. It worked out well for me—I got all As in English so I majored in it and now I get paid to write marketing copy for companies. I’ve been doing it for almost a decade and I love it because I get to be creative.

    Do what you’re good at, and find an application you can enjoy. Good luck OP!

    Edit: I just realized this was Ask Men and I am not a man, my bad!

18. Turns out i am very social and extremely team leader oriented i also get ok with autistics really really well.

    I think iv always wanted to be a teacher but fitted into security role aswell

19. 1. Realizing that a career is a means to an end, not an end unto itself.

    2. Realizing that the ultimate goal of working is to get to a place where you no longer have to work.

    3. Realizing that very few of the people who have “lofty ambitions” accomplished their dreams overnight….there was usually a lot of time and planning and mistakes and boring interludes before they got to their goals.

    You don’t need to have a grand purpose in your life figured out in your adolescent years. You don’t even need to have it figured out in your 20s or 30s.

    You know what I was doing in my early 20s? Figuring out how to get a decent job that I could *tolerate* so I could pay my bills while I spent my evenings and weekends exploring what I *really* wanted to do.

    I think you’re paralyzing yourself by painting grand pictures in your head and getting disappointed when you have no way of making them a reality right now. Little goals first. Little steps.

20. In the worst possible way: by drifting into difficult-to-escape life situations that I realized were not what I wanted, which caused me to realize through deduction what I would like in life. Except now I can’t get there.

21. >I’m just a kid pretending to be an adult

    That stuff is called imposter syndrom and it goes away once you worked a job for more than a year. Suddenly you see how clueless people are even if they worked 20 years at a company and you’ll see you’re doing k.

22. I tried different things until something resonated with me. For example, I thought I hated sports until I found a bit of an obscure one which was right for me. Same with types of work.

23. I muddled through and fortunately made good decisions along the way.

    As a kid, moved every few years, no roots, two different highschools.

    Army after highschool, cuz why not?

    Sign up for GI Bill/Army College Fund, cuz why not?

    Get out of Army, enroll in community college, because why not?

    I like biology, so let’s do that.

    Hmm, I’m doing really well, let’s enroll at the university.

    Man, I was fool thinking I could get into med school (drifts aimlessly through life, gets married).

    30 yrs old – Man, this is a dead end job, are there any easy masters programs?

    Enroll in prof. masters program, get MS degree in a couple of years, immediately hired into my current career field.

24. You select among available options.

25. I thought about: 1) what society needed; 2) what lines of work are going to be constantly in demand; 3) what I could enjoy doing – it had to be something I could easily detach from when I’m done. I had zero interest in making a career out of something I’m extremely passionate about. Keep in mind, enjoying something as a hobby and doing something as a profession requires 2 totally different mentalities. So making a profession out of what you’re passionate about can burn you out quickly.

26. honestly, i just did what people told me to do. so i just did well enough to get into anything.

    in school, just be upper 5% of your school so you can qualify for scholarships and have options.

    growing up in a demanding asian household, since doctor isn’t something i’d be actively good at (dislike blood, and gross body things) accountant, lawyer, engineer were my options. by grade 12 i realized i hate actually doing the math of physics so i ruled out engineering. so accountant / lawyer was what i was doing.

    so i graduated with a degree in accounting and while i was searching for jobs in accounting i was also studying for the LSAT. my job offer came in before my LSAT results so i did that.

    now… would that work for everyone? no. my general opinion is never settle for work in the field you’re deeply passionate in. but pursue something that you enjoy and do your research into how to be successful and how much the average and top end of that career path will give you. also don’t pursue a job you’ll hate purely for money.

    the reason i say go for something you’ll enjoy but not be passionate about is, you’ll eventually hate what you’re passionate about. do a job that’ll fund your passion projects because passion projects are good to have for mental health reasons.

    e.g. i love writing music, i love photography, filmography, streaming, and other creative arts. i would absolutely hate having to rely on my love of art and commoditize and sell myself in those fields. i enjoy the odd public performance i do once a year, or stream for fun. i hate auditioning as you’re basically on a job search which i absolutely despise. but i enjoy contributing to my artistic friends projects (mainly unpaid/donated or partial funding) and just having a small credit at the end of the day. i love that i have a 9-5, benefits, and can fund my hobbies where i do my extra curricular projects without having to worry about monetary benefit. it’s fun to be a contributing tourist in creative industries and it helps keep me sane since it’s those creative outlets which help my mental health for my general day to day. i don’t want my creative outlet to be my job because then i effectively ruin one of my mental health maintainers.

27. There is a Buddhist parable about an old cat watching a young cat chase its tail. I can’t tell it properly, but the moral of the story is something like… Don’t chase your tail. Someday, you will realize that you have your tail already.

    In other words, just be yourself, do what you want to do, and when you’re old you can look back and figure out who you were. And that might give you a good idea of who you are. Then you can go and look in a mirror and tell yourself that you found yourself.

28. I had kids, what I want is no longer important until they have all they need. One day it will be my turn. Until then it’s about being responsible for my boys

29. I don’t understand the question. I mean, when you want something, you usually know it…

    If you have to sit down and think about what you want, … No. When you want something, you think about how to get it.

    If you’re trying to figure out what you want, maybe you’re not listening to yourself enough. Lol.

30. Honestly an ex. I had recently joined the army after college. I was super like infantry (my branch), special forces or psy ops, yea no.

    I fell in love with someone with something I didn’t even know what was missing. And it was not suppose to be like at all like, it’s hard to explain but she was a family friend, our parents grew up together the whole thing.

    When we didn’t see each other for 15 years and she walked in that door, that was it. I hadn’t dated in like 6-7 years an all of a sudden I was right there.

    It was amazing, love her still dearly, but sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. But I appreciate gos or the universe or what ever you believe in because, I am going to find my person, and they are not going to hurt me like she did.

31. I worked a lot of different jobs from working in a lumber yard, to data entry of accounting data, to retail to working in a medical claims office, before settling in as a lab rat as a career

    and I took a lot of classes as an undergraduate in a community college.

32. I knew it at 6 years old, when I got my hands on computers and a nintendo.

    What kept me inline…. as an adult nothing. I made judgements, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes smart, sometimes stupid. Sometimes the stupid ones paid off and the smart ones turned sour.

    It isn’t about if you fall off the routine…

    Seriously how many times have you fallen since learning to walk?

    You bitch about it, how that hurt, sometimes walk less ice yourself, end up in a cast or something. In the end you’re still walking. It isn’t some profound realization that these selfhelp nuts talk about. It’s just life, you get up and keep on moving, you fall down sometimes for 30 seconds sometimes for 6 months. Life happens, just keep on living.