Women of reddit: what is the best way to comfort someone who has lost a loved one?

15 comments

1. Maybe i’m not the best person to ask, but my first thought was to sleep with them.

2. In a little delicate manoeuvre, you let them know you are thinking of them, and if they would like to talk they can talk to you. Presence

3. It depends on how well you know them and what the situation is, but the best thing is usually listening and avoiding platitudes.

   Allowing someone the space to share memories of their loved one and to grieve and cry is meaningful. Avoid trying to fix their feelings. It’s ok that they are sad or angry or numb or don’t know what to feel. Offer tissues and a listening ear, not solutions and empty condolences.

4. I ask the person what they need and where to go from there. I will also provide food and water to help.

5. Be there if/when they need you, just tell them they’re in your thoughts and that you’re available if they should need anything. If by chance it is a close family member or someone you feel ok really doing something for, a casserole or something home cooked ready to eat is always nice so they don’t have to think about cooking.

6. Megan Devine (author of It’s Okay to Not Be Okay) has some helpful pointers here. As someone who experienced a profound loss, I know that a lot of the things she mentioned helped me. https://refugeingrief.com/helper-overview/

7. Listen to their wants and needs. Some people need space and some need a should to cry. Reach out but don’t be upset if they don’t respond.

8. As others have said it really depends on the person. When I lost a loved one a few years ago my best friend would just text me “hi. How are you” everyday for a while. Which left it open for me to respond how I wanted. Some days it was “fine” some days it was “insert long winded text about everything bothering me” to which she would listen and say was really good at not turning the conversation into something about her.
   honestly just knowing she was there was enough. She gave me a window to say what I needed. Or say nothing at all.

9. Just be a listening ear. Dont tell them things will get better or that its gonna be okay. Just let them know they have you for support and that youre in their corner

10. As someone who’s lost several close family members throughout my life, the thing I hate the most is when people I don’t know / didn’t know the deceased say, “I’m sorry”. It immediately feels like a platitude that I then have to let them know it’s ok and now the burden is placed on me to make them feel better.

    So, instead of that if someone close to me loses a loved one I let them know I’m there if they want to talk, and offer to help however I can if any needs arise for them.

11. Consistently. Support can come all at once and dwindle off right when a person starts to need it. Grief is a journey and to have someone who gently and consistently reminds you they are there when you need them is invaluable

12. Be there for them in every shape and form they need. Help them with anything they need, be an ear or shoulder to cry on. Most importantly, don’t give up on them.

13. Know that you won’t be able to comfort them, just be there. Sometimes people just need to not be alone.

14. My fiance’s mother died the day before mother’s day. It’s been touch and go. I listen, I make sure he knows I’m here for him, I check in (not too often but when I think he needs it), and I give him space to grieve and feel.

    He was able to get a lot of photos from her house. I bought him a nice photo album so he could arrange them as well as a frame to create a collage.

15. From personal experience , let them vent / talk don’t problem solve for them