The love of my life and I are both in our 30s. We have an amazing life. Communication, Fun times, trips, good sex and just love all around..
There’s only 1 problem, she refuses to give blowjobs… it’s not like she never has, it’s just like 1 every 6mo to a year type thing…I know she works a lot so maybe she’s tired. But sometimes I think it’s me… maybe I don’t put her in that mood, I honestly don’t know… everytime I mention a blowjob she gets not offended but annoyed I’m asking…
I could see if I’m a bad guy but I’m not I’m loyal, work hard, try to keep myself in shape and take care of the house pretty well..
I was just wondering outside of direct verbal cues, is there anyway to sway a woman into a blowjob maybe charismatically?
38 comments
You don’t earn a blowjob because you’re a great guy and take care of the house. That is not the way sex works.
She has to want to do it, without coercion. Talk to her, let her know this is important to you and see if there’s a remediable reason why she doesn’t give them.
Accept it if she’s not going to give you one or move on from her if it’s a deal breaker.
BJs should be enthusiastically offered by the giver, that’s the only way it’s fun.
Personally I can’t picture myself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like giving them.
is your dick clean?
Much depends on her life experience. I knew one woman who could not consider it because she had been forced as a very young child to provide BJs by an older relative.
The plain fact is if this is essential to you, then you know you need to move on.
She has to want them.
To be honest a lot of women don’t. Your jaw gets stiff (especially with longer lasting men), poor gag reflex, guys grab their head and force them down, bad experiences prior, up and down motion makes them nauseous, they hate the taste, some guys don’t scrub good enough, and much more.
You don’t get a BJ just for doing a good job around the house. That can help lighten her stress load and put her into the mood yes. But you don’t get it as a reward for simply doing housework and being a great guy. You should be doing those without expecting a reward.
Rather than trying to “sway her” you should just talk to her. You are both adults
What you SHOULD do is: “Hey honey I was hoping we could talk a bit if you are up for it. If not we can put this off for a bit. But I was wondering if there is something I can do to make BJs more enjoyable for you? I was also wondering if maybe I could get them more often? If not that is fine it’s just something I would really like/enjoy.”
When she DOES do them make sure you are CLEAN. Like you better scrub WITH SOAP a min of 3x.
Things you can offer to make it more enjoyable for her
-Flavored lube
-69 position (if she likes to be eaten)
-Try different spots/positions to make her the most comfortable
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She may say no and that’s ok. You don’t get to chose what she likes. So don’t push it if she does say no.
She may not like giving head. Does she have TMJ, neck or back issues? If a short gag reflex? It may not be you at all.
How often are you getting her off? A lot of folks lose interest in pleasing their partners when they aren’t returning the favour.
Perhaps she doesn’t enjoy it. Not all do. Talk to her about it. If she’s not into it, you’ll need to decide how important that is to you….
Maybe she just doesn’t like them.
Maybe you’re not as fresh as she’d like you to be, especially if it’s at the end of the day? This isn’t meant to be a criticism, btw.
Maybe she prefers sex?
Aside from asking for one, have you simply asked her why she doesn’t like them? If so, what did she say?
>I was just wondering outside of direct verbal cues, is there anyway to sway a woman into a blowjob maybe charismatically?
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This is fun wishful thinking but no–if there was one weird trick that made even women who hate giving BJs in the mood to give BJs everyone would know about it. You have to either ask or accept that she doesn’t like BJs.
Do you scrub your balls, taint, and asshole? I don’t let my wife get near me unless I am sure that I am clean.
Nobody owes anyone a particular sex act. She obviously doesn’t like doing it, she probably has her reasons. You say you have “great communication”, have you discussed this?
She doesn’t like giving oral. You have to decide if that’s a dealbreaker for you
My wife genuinely loves having my dick in her mouth so this advice may not work for you.
Whilst she is doing it, do something she loves to her. Rub her head, her neck, her shoulders and back, massage her face. My wife absolutely loves it when I do this, as long as I’m doing that and doing a good job she will go on for as long as I want.
This was a discovery that came one time many years ago when she wasn’t in the mood but she capitulated to my desire anyway. This was the first time I did the massage thing and she loved it. Now I do it every time. She gets what she loves and I get what I love. The better I do it the better she works my dick and vice versa.
Do you get her off in return after you cum? What always pissed me off is when asked for a bj during a long dry spell and offered nothing in return, or when it’s period week and he thinks he’s “owed” a bj because I’m out of commission. I enjoy getting him off but then that gets me all worked up too, then I’m left with the “blue balls” effect.
Lots of women love to give head; lots of women don’t. Your woman sounds like one who does not love it, maybe doesn’t even like it. That’s probably something you should accept at face value rather than finding a way to get her to want to do it. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t.
So yeah it turns out women aren’t like vending machines. Like you can’t just put in your house work tokens and then expect a BJ. Who would’ve guess sex and relationships are actually more complicated than that…
She may just not want to. Some guys don’t want to go down either. Figure out how important it is to you and if you need to find someone more compatiable.
Have you had an adult discussion with her about the issue outside the bedroom at a time when you can both take the time to understand each other?
Do you go down on her? Make sure sex is satisfying for her? While sex shouldn’t be transactional, if both parties aren’t enjoying it, it can kill any motivation by the unsatisfied partner.
There’s nothing you can do to magically make her suddenly like giving BJs, but an adult discussion where you both can understand how you both feel about oral sex is the place to start.
Have you discussed this in depth with your partner? Only they can answer this; not strangers on the internet.
Do you make sure she gets hers too, or is it all BJs and nap time for you? If she gives and you do not reciprocate or make sure she gets attention first, then I can see why she’s opposed to it. My husband always ensures I’m satisfied before, during, or after he gets his. I never leave the bed going, “Well, glad he enjoyed himself.” I’m usually wobbling to the bathroom to pee cuz my legs won’t work right. 🙃 Haha! If you’re not in a give AND take sort of relationship, she’s probably tired of it. Your last paragraph really concerned me, and it sounds like you need to reevaluate some things.
Not everything is for everyone. She may just not like it. Maybe try asking her what other things she enjoys. You could be surprised.
You seem to imply that your “communication” is great with her. Why don’t you put that to the test and talk with her about it?
Have you asked her?
Some guys take a long time to cum from oral and they require a lot of suction and specific movements which can be exhausting. Maybe she doesn’t like it because it requires a lot of effort and is exhausting.
I hated it so much I date women now😭… some people just don’t like it.
Swaying somebody towards doing something sexual they don‘t want to do is no good idea.
Dude. Have you sat down in a calm, neutral, relaxed setting and communicated with her about this?
“Honey, thanks for taking some time to chat with me. You’re awesome, and I want to check in with you on something that’s been troubling me. I love you and so much of our sex life. You’re sexy, hot, no one I’d rather be with. I’m missing something that is really important to me, and that’s receiving oral sex. It’s hot and feels so good and makes me feel desired. I would love to share that with you more! I’ve noticed this isn’t something you initiate often, so I want to know what you think. What are your thoughts?”
There you go. None of this “swaying her charismatically” bullshit.
Don’t be a dumbass. Talk to her.
Do you go down there for her?
Is there an orgasm gap between you? If you’re under the impression that she always finishes, consider the possibility that she may be faking. A lot of women do.
I love giving oral but in my experience what would happen is the guy would bust a nut and then roll over and go to sleep or unenthusiasticly “return the favor” to no avail OR we’d switch to piv before he orgasmed but then he wouldn’t last nearly as long. And then return to scenario one where he goes to sleep or proceeds to fail to help me finish. The only enjoyable stimulation/attention I’d really get was during piv so it made me dislike giving BJs. I still wasn’t finishing with piv, but at least it was enjoyable and intimate.
Some girls just don’t like bjs or barely tolerate them. For some (like myself), it’s a sensory issue. The smell of arousal and sweat when mixing can cause an actual gag reflex. For some it’s a traumatic history. Some just don’t like the action
Maybe she don’t like the taste. Offer to pull out before releasing. If you did that she may be up for it. But some want it released in their mouth and complain if the woman doesnt. My wife prefers it swallowed. Maybe twice she’s spit in 11 years due to taste. I like cum shots. She compromises sometimes even though she don’t like it. It’s all about communicating and respect for boundaries without pushing.
How are you approaching it? Just chilling on the couch and “hey I want a blow job” or are you guys getting hot and heavy and then you ask? The first one is awkward and isn’t gonna work with most women. Plus it’s weird to just be like “hey service me without any expectation of reciprocity”. My wife for example enjoys giving head, but it’s extremely rare that she just jumps to it at random without getting turned on first, and that requires some play on my part first.
Do you return the favor or initiate oral to her?
Some people do have “I like giving BJ if ….” Im one of those people. If the partner is quiet when I give it I loose interest. Position is important too. And no hint of domination please. What I mean with this is that there can be nuances to in what way someone likes something and doesn’t like something. You would have to ask her about it to find out.
>but annoyed I’m asking…
Why are you asking? Do you ask for sex? Or does it just naturally happen? I know for a fact my gf overall isn’t a huge fan of blow jobs, but she’s not *against* them either. But we have amazing communication and an amazing sex life, and when we are flirting or sexting I will just say things like “I need your lips around my cock” or “I want to watch you take me deep inside your mouth” or “later I’m going to make you cum while my cock pulses around your tongue” or something like that. I describe an act/scene that I want to perform or that I need her to do something to me and she goes crazy, she was actually begging to give me a blow job the other night. Never ask, never force, just make it hot for them to *want* to do that to you, and always return the favor.
Sounds like she doesn’t like doing it and that when she does do it that is her compromising.
Maybe your comment about “swaying her” is part of the problem? You seem to have a pretty high opinion of yourself. Talk to her and ask her why. But be prepared that the reason is that she feels pressured because you keep bringing it up.