Title pretty much sums it up. This is a new problem for me. I don’t take any medicine or birth control. We’ve been married almost 2 years, have no kids. I don’t have a particularly stressful time. I’m a nursing student and he works. I’m currently out of school for the summer and running my own (low stress) small business from from. My husband works 7am-6pm. I get crazy horny and it peaks in the later afternoon. The problem is, when my husband gets home it’s gone. At some point before he gets home my desire totally disappears and the idea of having sex is completely unappealing. I don’t know what’s going on and it’s so frustrating.
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Are you not physically attracted to him? Like a part of you loses the feelings when you see him?
Have sex when you both in holiday… and talk to your husband about that i think he will find solution
Performance anxiety? Lack of attraction to your husband? Wanting something more when you can’t have it?
Honey perhaps you want to see him more and you’re not attracted to him sexually I’ve been in a relationship With something similar, and I am a woman.
You’re not attracted to him, for whatever reason. First be honest with yourself about that and then have an honest conversation with him to figure it out.
What happens on his days off?
Same here. A lot of people get super horny between 2-4pm.
My ex had a high libido also. Luckily I could either work from home or come home mid-afternoon. For several years we had sex 2-3 x/day. We were both into it, healthy and had a lot of fun.
Ask urself if he was random guy not ur husband if woman u would sleep with him.
Talk to him about exploring some of your kinks and change things up. A lot of people in relationships can fall into roommate mode where that attraction dies off. Nothing like a bit of spice to heat things up and get your needs met.
Possible for husband to take an extended lunch break while you’re horny? Reinforces the two things together and may start carrying over to the evenings.
Also sounds like your not sharing your horniness with your husband. Start texting him and build up to him getting home to you backed and ready to go.
What if you did something totally different than the norm? Shake up your pattern. You’re getting used to your libido going down toward the time he gets home and it’s gone when he walks in the door. You’re getting wired that way.
What would turn you on about your husband when you’re horny? Do you fantasize about anything? Could you tell him about those fantasies? Would it be hot to sext him? Could you meet out after work for a drink and a romp in the car, then drive home separately and go about your normal routine? Wait for him naked and masturbating with a blindfold on and have him come in and pretend to fuck you like a stranger?
Does any of that turn you on?
I am the same way but in reverse. I am a guy who is horny most of the day, but that seems to be while the wife is working away from the house. When she gets home I still sometimes feel horny, but it starts to wain the closer evening sets in. She really likes sex in the evenings when I am not really in the mood. I can do morning sex most times, but we only have the weekends to do that. I think our libidos just have an ebb and flow to them throughout the day. My wife and I mismatch often, but during the times we are both horny the sex is incredible.
I too prefer sex in the morning or afternoon. My drives usually goes down as the day goes. Luckily that’s works for my girl and I
Jesus the people in these comments are jumping to conclusions.
That’s perfectly natural. The idea of sex is often more appealing than the reality. I don’t know about you but for my wife and I, sex involves a little bit of prep and a decent amount of cleanup. Being faced with that can dissuade you.
It can be buried. So you have to dig a bit and observe yourself to see what’s going on. I would wager something is wrong between you that’s unaddressed.
I think hormone levels change throughout the day. Also, maybe you’re more bored when he’s not home? Some people getting horny when they’re alone/bored
Emotions are often most strongly felt in the imagination. For example in horror movies, the ones that do it the best are the ones that don’t show you the monster, but they keep them hidden in the shadows, a creak in the night, a flash but not fully seen. It gives space for the imagination to flourish and create and illicit the desired emotion.
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Obviously that’s not the feeling we’re aiming for here, but the same dynamics likely apply. When you have space from your partner you have space for your sexual imagination to go free reign. But when your partner comes home the imagination shuts down and the feelings with it.
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It could be other things as others here have suggested, but it could also be this issue. I also wonder if anxiety is playing a part at all, is there pressure you feel or stress you feel when your partner comes home?
I wonder what you’re imagining when you’re turned on during the day? How can you potentially incorporate that with your partner?
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Just because you aren’t instantly ready for your partner’s D on sight when he gets home doesn’t mean you aren’t necessarily attracted to your partner. It could just mean you both need to put in more effort. Both sexually and relationship wise.
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How is the relationship? Does he make you feel important, loved, connection? Are you both fit and healthy and putting in effort still?
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Relationships and our sex life is like an investment, it’s easy to get a return during the honeymoon period, but over time it becomes a case of only getting a return when you invest energy and care and love etc… If the investment isn’t there everything else will slowly die away.
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It’s up to you what your next step is, but ask yourself, how can we both invest more in our sex life and relationship?
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If it’s that your imagination is the trigger for your lust, what is it that you can do to trigger that around your partner? Maybe an erotic audio book for you both to listen to while he gives you a massage?
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Good luck! 🙂
Well if it’s the idea of having sex with your husband that turns you off…then there needs to be a serious conversation here with him.
Sounds like there’s something more going on in your subconscious. Could be anything from wanting to stay away from the expected, no thrill of the hunt, resentment over something completely unrelated to sex, or something far more complicated. I suggest talking to someone personally trained in asking the right questions or meditating by yourself with your husband in mind and be conscious of the feelings that come up (positive and negative) when your mind drifts. As a red neck guy I’ve experienced a lot of things I never understood about myself while meditating. Keep an open mind
When I’m not in the mood, I just cuddle with him anyway and sometimes that gets me going. Set aside some cuddle time with no expectations.
It’s clearly him! Whether you want to accept it or not, you know when he comes home, you’re completely shutting down before he gets there. Either you’re no longer physically or emotionally attached. I’d suggest getting counseling together or decide if your really see a future with him.
I had a similar experience with my ex, for context. Hope this helps.