Whenever I go out with people, especially in group settings on a regular basis, I hardly ever know what to say. I usually just bounce around from person to person and never get anywhere in conversation. I can be really awkward sometimes and also I’m very negative and introspective so people often see me as closed-off or unapproachable. I want to make deeper friendships, but I never know how to go past the typical questions
(i.e. What do you do? Why did you choose that? What do you like to do outside of work?
And then once I know them: How are you doing? How was your day?).
That’s like all the questions I know how to ask. I don’t know what else to ask. I don’t know how to be funny or lighthearted or play around. I don’t really know how to exist in a group. I don’t really know how to keep a conversation going.
I’m constantly feeling lonely and like I want deeper friendships, but I just don’t know how to get there.
Also, for more information, I struggle with depression and lack of much identity. I don’t really do much or have many interests. I don’t know why. I think I’m just a boring person. And pessimistic as you can tell from that comment I just made.
Can you give me some advice?
Thank you so much.
4 comments
Only came here to say I feel the exact same way, and hoping someone else will have a good answer. The struggle is real and I feel like I have no identity and am beyond hope. Wishing u well and good luck. Sorry I wasn’t helpful.
I have some issues with it as well. Starting the conversation is the hardest part. Use what you can to keep it going. I usually ask about jobs or just bring up something random. You can usually tell what people are into or not based off their reaction. But it’s just trial and error honestly. Kinda like dancing, you’ll feel stupid at first if you don’t do it often, but the more you do it the more comfortable you’ll feel doing it.
Also try not to think about it. I always joke around and say “play dumb”. If you focus too much on overthinking it’ll take the focus away from you actually doing the task.
I’m no pro at this but that usually helps me.
Something that really helped me was becoming more interested in various topics and learning a lot about them, for example – SPORTS (watch highlights of big events or star athletes), MOVIES (started watching movie reviews and listening to movie review podcasts), ART (went to museums and took paintings classes), MUSIC (went to music events and did some music production and DJing), etc etc…this really helped with conversations/starting conversations because I can either talk about or ask good questions about many different topics…and if you can find a good topic that the other person is interested in they often will do most of the talking if you are a really good listener. I learned how to be an active listener, this really helps too
Keep things light hearted and don’t care too much. Get attention off yourself around others and you’ll notice yourself getting less self conscious and more self trusting. Deeper relationships happen when youre not trying too hard