So, today I got approached by one of those “do you have a minute to talk about the environment” people. I absolutely hate this sort of thing, because I just panic and my mind goes blank when a stranger comes up to me. This one in particular was quite bad, because the one today saw I was trying to avoid him and came up to me saying “no use trying to avoid me” which already kind of pissed me off, but when I told him I dislike talking to strangers, not the best choice of words, I know, but he just proceeded to make condescending comments about how his parents used to tell him that too and oh don’t worry, my six year old sister is shy too. He also tried to take my bag, asked for my name and tried to lead me to their little tent, where they had papers and a donation box, despite me saying I had a bus to catch (which I misses thanks to him). I have no idea what the hell he thought he was accomplishing by making ne uncomfortable, but what could I have done to avoid that awkward encounter or handle it better? With the usual questions of “do you have a minute” or “do you ever wonder about the environment” I could have just said no, but he literally didn’t give me the option and blocked my path when I tried to step past him. I hate causing a scene, so I didn’t want to yell at him or something either. And for a bit of context, I’m a young woman, which means I tend to especially freeze when a big man approaches me. So any ideas on how that could have gone better?

45 comments

  1. Carry a cute little pistol for the element of surprise worst case scenario and handle the situation exactly the way you did

  3. I’ve had this and I literally just had to break it to them that my grandma had died (she had actually just died), so I wasn’t in the mood for it.

    Have a list of excuses at the ready: you’ve got an appointment, you don’t speak the language, or someone has died (idk maybe last resort)

    Edit: language one is a dice, someone approached me in another country so I said I didn’t speak the language. Named where I was from and the damn person went “ooo I speak x” 🤦‍♀️ ended up just running away, fuck that

  4. My advice is to not worry about making a scene or being polite as soon as one of these people demonstrates a lack of respect for you and your time. Don’t make excuses for why you can’t stop, just tell them “no thanks”. If they persist, skip any arguing and loudly state “LEAVE ME ALONE!”. If they get physical and confrontational like this dude did, yell for help.

  5. I always say ‘no, thank you’ to people who approach me on the street. Even if I agree with the cause, I’m not buying what you’re selling-whether with my money or my time. These people, basically salesmen, will take anything you give them and they will not back off until they’ve used you up. I used to at least say that I agree with them and ask for info to do more research, but now I realize that if something is important to me I’ll have no problem doing it on my own accord. And here’s another thing, they’re used to the rejection, or at least it’s part of the job. They’ve been rejected many times in a day before they saw you. Even if someone is asking for money (beggars or store cashiers) I just say no thank you. They want something from you so you have the leverage.

  6. Don’t make eye contact. Put on a scowl and walk away. If they try getting in your face, “no thank you” and walk around them.

  9. Ugh. That sounds really intrusive.

    With people like this, it’s best to keep your feet moving and your responses brief. Resist the temptation to give them any sort of explanation like telling them you’re uncomfortable talking to strangers or you have a bus to catch; that just gives them a hook they can use to engage with you or “help” you with your ” problem.”

    Pick two or three brief sentences you can say beforehand, and stick to those. I usually do something like this with salespeople at mall kiosks:

    First attempt to talk to me: “No, thank you” (politely and pleasantly)

    Second attempt to talk to me: “No *thank* you” (somewhat firmer, emphasis on the “thank”)

    Third attempt to talk to me (or if they say or do something particularly pushy): “I’m not interested, thank you.” (firm)

    (It’s rare they persist beyond one attempt.)

    And I keep my feet moving and only briefly make eye contact, to make it clear I do not intend to engage with them.

    I stick to the line and don’t worry about whether “No, thank you,” fits with whatever opening line they tried to use. People strategically choose their lines to make you feel like you have to say more than that, but you don’t.

    “Can I just ask you a question?” “No, thank you.”

    “Hey, nice shoes!” “No, thank you.”

    You can modify that to your situation and what you would find easiest. If you’re most uneasy about a particular thing they might do, like blocking your path, you can come up with something to say beforehand if that happens, like, “Excuse me. I need to be on my way.”

  10. I don’t usually say anything, I just walk away . If I’m stationary I will say no thank you. If they were to persist I’m not sure what I’d escalate to next, they usually go away with warning. Don’t worry though, these kind of men are harmless, activists usually will back down when pressed like they do in other areas of their life which have led them to “fighting what they believe in” when they should of been fighting for themselves all along.

  12. If someone like that makes you feel uncomfortable & won’t take no for an answer like that again, Yell out “THATS MY PURSE! I DONT KNOW YOU!” & then kick them in the balls.

  13. Holy crap that’s intrusive!

    I’d make a scene if someone touched me and tried to take my stuff.

  14. The way he persisted, he was the one causing a scene.

    > “no use trying to avoid me”

    That’s harassment. It sounds aggressive and power-hungry. Threatening. Bullying. That’s how they are trained but he was a bit over the top.

    I hate this shit so much that I used to see these Chuggers (charity muggers) from a block away and would passive aggressively find a different route to my destination to avoid them. They are on every convenient corner so it was exhausting. I had to stick up for myself.

    Not any more. The last one was a sweet and kind looking woman who walked right up to me and said “Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?”

    “No.”

    “Do you care about (insert cause)?”

    “Not today.”

    She began to follow me while reciting her spiel and I told her to please leave me alone, very loudly.

    Make a scene. Be rude.

  15. When they ask you if you have a minute, looked them directly in the eye and say firmly, “no, I don’t.” If they persist, say “you’re being aggressive, leave me alone or I call the police.” Be firm and cordial but not polite. DO NOT APOLOGIZE. They accosted you, you’re just setting reasonable boundaries.

  16. I care about the environment but this guy’s approach was way off. Maybe he should be asking himself what he shouldn’t have done to make the interaction go better. Sounds like a p****.

  19. He thought if he harassed you enough you’d donate money just to get him to leave you alone because he knows that most people aren’t willing to be assholes even when they have the right to be.

    Next time stop trying to be polite when it becomes clear they’re deliberately taking advantage of your common courtesy to waste your time and steal your money. Make it clear that you don’t care even if it means being an asshole. Say “Fuck you and fuck the environment” then throw some trash on the ground and walk away.

  20. I love being polite to people but i enjoy being rude so much more, especially if they give me a reason. You had a few.

  21. Talk on the phone or at least pretend to and openly (loudly) mention your Daddy’s investments in oil, the mink coat from Russia that Sugar Daddy Vladimir promised you, the foie gras you’re about to eat with your date tonight or how you think Just Stop Oil activists are domestic terrorists and should be taken care of as such. Whenever I visit Amsterdam, I do this and it works like a charm. Just pretend to be stuck-up and wealthy -they can’t reach old nor new money.

  22. Say that bourgeois liberal democracy is a whore, call the activist a swine and say that your country’s decadence will soon be crushed by the dictatorship of the proletariat.

  23. Don’t say anything and keep walking don’t make eye contact. If they persist tell them to leave you alone or you’ll call the police

  24. I call those people Sidewalk Syphilis. I work in an area where they are a constant during the warm months. Long ago I stopped giving a shit about being polite to them. They get a curt no and a quick head shake and I don’t slow down my walking speed.

  25. “no use trying to avoid me”

    See, that’s where I go from uncomfortable and socially awkward to absolutely angry.

    Ah, and I see you’re a young woman. I’d just look him square in the eye and say “If I want to try to avoid a man who is making me uncomfortable, I EFFING will, GET AWAY FROM ME”.

    Plus side it’s a situation to practice being loud to get a strange man away from you where it’s unlikely to escalate frighteningly, unlike when you’re dealing with unwanted sexual attention.

    I don’t like causing a scene either, but like other creepers, he’s relying on you being young and female to try to intimidate you, and it’s best to nip that now.

  26. It’s crazy how quickly intrusive people will leave you alone if you start barking at them

  27. My best advice is to be a bitch. It’s hard and feels so awkward at first but you need to think of it as protecting yourself. This creep tried to TAKE YOUR BAG, he pulled you physically, he ignored you saying no. He’s a piece of sh!t.
    Next time, loudly YELL “STOP BOTHERING ME! GET AWAY FROM ME! DONT TOUCH MY PROPERTY!” or any of the above. If you are quiet no one will notice you are being coerced. If you make noise, people won’t necessarily come to you or even pay attention, but the creeps back off for fear of attracting attention. Your fear of attracting attention is enabling him to do whatever he wants. This is one of those moments where you have to take responsibility and change your mindset and behavior. Your safety matters more than your anxiety. Imagine if it was night and he was trying to drag you into an alley. Would you also be afraid of attracting attention then? Abusers hate when they have an audience.

    Good luck sis.
    ~former “shy” girl with autism who used to be sexually harassed and assaulted constantly.

  28. I try to avoid making eye contact with them in the first place, but if one those approach me I just clearly say ‘no’ and carry on walking without missing a beat.

  30. I’m mean as fuck to people that come up to me randomly. They aren’t paying me for my time. I don’t have to be nice just because I’m a woman. Maybe they should choose a better job if they can’t hack my rudeness. Like I was at a chain grocery store and some employee came up to me and asked if I wanted a store credit card? I gave her the biggest stank face and was like uhhh….. no. Bye. And she blabbered more of her script before she realized I didn’t give a fuck about her and she scuttled away and I went “wow they are just bothering people while shopping now what the fuck was that” to the person I was with while she was still in earshot. I also walk straight past people that sell shit in the store or mall without even responding to them, I don’t care. They aren’t entitled to kindness from me or even basic social interaction. Their job is to harass people and that also requires putting up with rude responses. I don’t give a fuck what they think of me they aren’t in my social sphere so expending effort on being nice to them is a waste of my time. It’s very liberating you should try it out

  31. Say: “not interested”and keep walking. Repeat as often as necessary until you get away.

  32. Oh my god you’re way more patient than I am I would’ve lost my temper and said ‘hey get the fuck away from me’

  33. I’m an activist. That guy was out of line and you should have told him to leave you alone, he’s creeping you out. Or not interested, or fu🤬k off. He’s not helping anyone or any cause being pushy and borderline predatory with you. If you see him again, and there’s women at the tent, let them know he’s being too aggressive, maybe they’ll sort him out. My job as an activist is to raise awareness. That requires ZERO touching. Just visibility. Handing out goddamn pamphlets is a waste of paper and makes me think this group of “environmentalists” might be full of shit.

    If that don’t work make a scene next time he tries to touch your bag. Scream. Seriously, teach his ass a lesson. I’m very sorry you experienced this. I’m a big guy, but I been hurt enough to be uncomfortable (at best) around people, and I’m generally afraid in public. I have similar encounters with bible slingers and doom criers, and for a long time I was patient and took my time to listen then apologize and move on. Took a lot of practice to get to the point now where I just keep walking like the person talking to me doesn’t exist, but I get it’s different from my perspective. I’m a walking threat, and if I put my angry face on people gtf outta my way fast. I get that doesn’t always work for women, so I’m not downplaying your experience. My advice is if you see that creep coming make noise, or pull a large can of bear spray out of your bag and ask if he wants some, or best option, just scream like hell if he comes near. Pretty good chance he will leave you alone.

    The thing I’m bothered by is if he’s doing this shit to every woman that goes by. Be careful. Sounds off. I trust your gut reaction on this one. You should too. Next time give him shit, loudly. 😢❤️

  34. “fuck off” is a pretty warranted response here. blocking you, trying to take your bag (wtf??? that’s literally stealing??) and clearly harassing you when he knows you don’t want to talk to him is unacceptable and horribly inappropriate. especially because he was a large strange man and you’re a young woman. that’s purposeful intimidation. if you remember the name of the charity, i would recommend making a big stink about this honestly. this is not a social situation you or anyone else should ever be in.

  36. Don’t stop, don’t slow down, just say a clear “no thank you” and keep walking. Don’t make eye contact, if they stand in front of you then go around them.

    That’s how you deal with them. As a socially awkward person this is actually my natural response to being approached on the street so for me it’s easy. You should just allow your socially awkward instincts take over, all those things you try to train yourself not to do, do them.

  37. smile.
    give eye contact.
    say no thank you.
    break eye contact.
    continue to walk away.

    eye contact is hard for me but I give an effort here because it delivers a firm NO from you and they will usually move on to another easier target.

  38. You’re just a mark to them, you don’t owe them anything. Just tell them to go away and forget about it.

  39. > the one today saw I was trying to avoid him and came up to me saying “no use trying to avoid me” which already kind of pissed me off

    If they’re starting by pushing an interaction you’re clearly trying to avoid, they’re not worth any further courtesy or consideration. That deserves a “Well in that case, you can fuck right off back to wherever you came from”.

    > what could I have done to avoid that awkward encounter or handle it better?

    Them: do you have a minute to talk about the environment

    You: No

    You literally don’t owe those fucks an explanation, a justification, a moment of your time….anything. Keep your legs moving, don’t say anything more. If that fucker continues to get in your path, you’re free to escalate your reaction until you get the desired result. They’re the one choosing to potentially create an awkward situation.

  40. I was on my way to the theatre to watch Oppenheimer last week, and got approached by a girl who was trying to get petitions and money for a charity for autistic people (they’re usually fronts anyways, so I’m always skeptical)

    I asked her more about it, said I’m autistic too and walked away

  42. Don’t say anything. No matter what comes out of their mouth, do not respond, do not look at them, and do not stop moving. If you do any of those, it becomes infinitely harder to pull away.

  43. >So, today I got approached by one of those “do you have a minute to talk about the environment”

    “No”.

    If they give you grief over it just pick up your pace a bit and ignore them as if they don’t exist.

    Another way is to be wearing headphones/earphones(even if you aren’t actually listening to anything) and pretend to be seeing something on your cellphone in order to create “distractions”.

    And then you can simply focus on a single point in the distance and walk towards it, that will make you seem like you’re a man/woman on a mission and that you have tunnel vision, people usually don’t try to get on the path of someone like that(I know beause I do that once in a while).

    ​

    >he just proceeded to make condescending comments about how his parents used to tell him that too and oh don’t worry, my six year old sister is shy too

    “If you treat her like you treat me, I feel sorry for your sister”

    ​

    >He also tried to take my bag, asked for my name and tried to lead me to their little tent

    Make a scene.

    “Don’t touch me!This can be considered assault and I will call the police if you try it again!” or something of the sort.

    Urgh, I hate people that don’t respect your personal space, I have no qualms about shaking them off or being a bit aggressive if they think it’s ok to touch me without my permission.

    Also, grabbing your bag could be considered intent to steal so a nice threat of calling the police might make them think that you’re too much trouble to bother with.

  44. Honestly I keep telling myself the next time a stranger approaches me in a way that makes me uncomfy I’m gonna say “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME NOW. BACK THE FUCK UP” and walk away but then I never do it. One time a middle aged man at Walmart convinced me to give him a hug because he had a bad day and I thought I was going to die the nicest stupidest girl in the world I was so scared

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