I (23F) have a boyfriend (24M) and sometimes I don’t know what the hell im doing in this relationship with him.
He has great pros but there are cons as well and I really feel super split. His main pros are that he is loyal, family man (get along with both sides of his immediate and extended family and wants a family as well), kind, makes time for me, has a good listening ear, sees me as sexy asf, slow to anger (I’ve never seen him mad before) and comfortability/familiarity (I never feel like I have to walk on eggshells or anything like that with him ). I’m aware that these are things that every woman wants in their relationships and they are things to appreciate but then there’s the cons (nothing crazy like abuse tho).
The biggest con is that currently I’m not fully sexually attracted to him, there are times when he does nice things for me and I can see him as cute but it’s never enough to really get anything flowing on my end. I also have trouble seeing him as like a dominate figure or like a protector (not because he’s scrawny cuz he’s def not it’s more like his demeanor this is harder to explain further but if ur a woman maybe u know what I’m talking about). We also skipped the honeymoon phase completely. I’m not sure if this is because of the other cons or because we dated before in the past (back in HS so like 6y ago) but I do see it as a con because I don’t have the illogical, rose colored glasses constant butterflies type of feelings that other ppl get in a relationship. Part of me feels that this a good thing because we have had deeper conversations early on. However the lack of the honeymoon phase makes it feel like our relationship is much older and I don’t feel like we have that anchor of looking back at those super fun “wild in love” memories.
I’m stuck because I really like all of his pros and I feel like they are really hard to find in other men but his cons make me feel like I might be settling but at the same time I know that no one is perfect and there is always going to be some type of trade off.
Any advice?????
3 comments
I’d think about how long you’ve been together for and how deeply you think you can connect with him in the long term. In my opinion, it’s important to be physically attracted to your partner as well (even though it might not be most important thing) and your gut feeling is something you shouldn’t ignore. It’s often the first warning sign that people miss. I will say. that not. having butterflies isn’t a bad thing tho, it means you’re calm around him and not anxious.
I’ve been in a similar situation where I wasn’t fully attracted to my partner and I didn’t see him as a protector (which at the time, I just saw it as he’s comfortable with his level of masculinity) but it grew to become toxic where I had to make him feel like he was masculine enough while still taking on all the responsibilities in the relationship.
You should think about if you see yourself being in love with this man over the years and maybe even bring it up to him and see if you can have a real conversation about this early on before it gets to the point of no return.
He sounds like a nice guy. And you know what they say about nice guys
Just break up with this poor man so he can find a partner who loves and wants him.
It’s disgusting that you’re leading this from the sounds of it great, man on.
Just break up and go find that guy that will make you “flow,” but treat you like shit. Causenof course that’s what you want.