She told me she is mentally exhausted and that my problem is that I forget the past fights we had which could be like a week ago and forgot what we talked about and just go back in circles because I forget alot is this normal for a male to forget alot…. NOTE…
I work a really hard job that takes a lot of thinking and all my mind wants to do is shut off at the end of the day so maybe that’s how I forget
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If you have trouble remembering arguments after a week you should probably go see a neurologist. Unless this only applies to conversations with your wife. In which case, you need to think long and hard about why.
She’s probably exhausted too here buddy, you don’t need to remember word for word but maybe just what you could do to be helpful to change
Keep a notebook of discussions. If there are issues that you both agree are problem areas that you are willing to work on, maybe a motivational reminder post it? Either way, forgetting some conversations is normal. Forgetting every one is not. See your doctor. Good luck
It that’s the thing it’s seriously erased out of my memory and I’ll ask her to tell me again and all she can say is she’s tired of repeating her self
You tend to remember what’s important. You’re showing her, she isn’t important
If you are forgetting emotionally charged conversations within a week, you may need to see a doctor. That isn’t normal and is probably impacting your work and other relationships. If it is *not* impacting your work and other relationships because you only forget conversations with your wife, it’s probably good she wants to leave. Sounds intentional and nothing you’ve said here makes me think it isn’t
Yep, I went through the same exact thing with my ex. I told him what the problem was for THREE YEARS and he we fussed and argued over it. He couldn’t be bothered, so I left. We’re now divorced.
You have been emotionally ignoring her. This is one of the three most cited reasons wives cheat or divorce their husbands. Best wake up before she is gone…..
Aw. This is hard because people in this thread are going to come at you, but looking at your history, it seems she has withdrawn as well. Staying out on the weekends while married consistently shows a lack of effort as well. It seems like she already is taking her break. I don’t know enough other than this, but marriage counseling would be beneficial
Omg my husband is the same. So much unhappiness with the relationship, but all the emotional talks changed nothing, in one ear out the other
Try harder?
If you were forgetting critical things at work and you knew if you couldn’t remember you would lose your livelihood, never work again, and starve to death because you couldn’t afford to live…. What would you do? You’d get a notebook. You’d highlight the key takeaway from the discussion in the moment. If action was required, you’d put it in a notebook. A calendar. An alarm. An email to yourself that you use delayed send to provide as a reminder. Go get Vitamins or medication to help with focus and memory to see if they would help you keep your job. All of the above.
Stop throwing personal pity parties and take accountability. If it is GENUINELY true that you absolutely can NOT remember (at all. Not “don’t want to” just “cannot”) then that may not be your fault, but failure to acquire coping skills *is.* This is a you problem, not a her problem. Own it, fix it.
What do you need to do?
Is it medical (possibly?) See a doctor. Have labs done.
Is it emotional? Do you have a trauma response to fights where you block things out or something? See a therapist.
Laziness? It’s a priority, so like you would at work, do anything you can to fix it.
No one deserves a partner who leaves a problem with “not my fault” instead of “I might have to get creative with solutions, but I will make sure I meet your needs because I love you.”
so ; go to the doctor, get a full assessment done. physical, bloods scans , referral to psychologist and keep nagging the doctor ( I did, got a extra five years out of it) Not only might you get some answers, your wife will see that you are making an effort. Also, low tech; get a blooming note book and write what she says down I do this too; note book, fridge calendar, Phone reminder, also have arranged for text reminders
Some medications effect your memory, such as statins for cholesterol. Might be something worth looking into…maybe in the meantime you can make a posterboard for your side of the bed to put info you gather that needs changing as a daily reminder until it’s set in your long term memory.