So, I do not believe I have actual ED, since, I am able to( and do) get hard very often and have maintained said arousal before.
With that said, ever since my ex outright told me( on our third time doing it!) how bad I am and how I suck at it( I promise I was desperately trying to do better. Asking how she likes to be finger and all) and how I must find her horrible cause I softened while we were going at it, erc… Ever since then, I find it so difficult to maintain my erection. I mean yes, I do get aroused and hard like before. When sexting with a girl I’m currently interested in, I am able to maintain that excitement. But when it comes to actual thoughts of sex, I just become… “bleh”.
What can I do to get over this… mental block? Viagra?!
4 comments
Viagra is not the way to go. It’ll work in terms of getting you hard and keeping you there as long as you need. But you’ll quickly get to a point where you literally can’t get it up without it. This is because Viagra should be used when the cause is medical, not purely psychological. It’s not actually addressing the issue.
The issue is that you happened to date a garbage human being in your ex. Your ex got in your head, and there’s some part of you that is worried that any new gal you get in bed with will have the same thoughts and reaction to you as your ex. Think about it. Let’s briefly assume that your technique really was awful. Even if that was true, was her response in the situation how a rational person would communicate with you? Not by a mile. You are worrying more than you need to.
You might not like this solution. But I can promise you it’s going to be your best one. You absolutely need to slow things down a bit when you meet someone new. The reason you might have that doubt or worry in your mind is because you are jumping into bed too soon, when you have no way of gauging how the sex will be and how she will be with you. You know that you care about your partner’s pleasure and put in the effort. Decide to have the self respect to only sleep with someone when you feel like they are going to show an equal amount of respect and interest in it being good for both of you
Unfortunately viagra will not help. The best advice I could give is exposure therapy which can be difficult without a partner but ideally you would find someone you trust and explain things to them. Also not focusing on PIV and get them off using your mouth and hands so there is no pressure for you to perform
Hey! So first off, Viagra is a fix – for all intents and purposes – for a physical problem, since it was designed for hypertension related problems, but research showed a, “peak” in other bodily functions if you know what I mean.
Ok so, how to get over this mental block: I’m afraid there’s not easy solution. ED can have a lot of harmless physical reasons, but the mental part is usually the main factor. Your ex-gf was awful and made things ten times worse by mocking you. There’s no easy fix, apart from hopefully meeting someone who is patient and supportive in rebuilding your confidence – someone who will give you the time and space to build up a healthy relationship you need to have with yourself and your sexual performance. Good luck!
Unpopular here apparently, but I know people who have used Viagra for this reason to get their sex lives back. Of course it’s not fixing the “root issue”, but it can get you out of the cycle of anxiety that can come from ED (the people who commented “no” clearly have never had anxiety and felt how crippling it can be). I’ve known people who’ve used it temporarily for reasons similar to yours, and I (29F) have also used the topical female equivalent (I have pelvic nerve problems that act up sometimes and make things less fun). You don’t have to use it FOREVER, like some seem to think here.
Of course, in the meantime take a look at what’s going on inside that’s causing it: don’t let your ex being an asshat prevent you from having fun in the future!