I am 20(F) and I am always approached by men who are taken and wanting me to be their side piece.The ones who are single also doesn’t take me seriously and I get tossed around while they explore for other options and settle with one of them. I am not trying to sound conceited but I am a beauty pageant runner up/model and in the midst of finishing law school.So I’m not boring, dumb or unattractive yet I attract men who are either taken or the ones who do not take me seriously.Why can’t I find a man that’s actually want me for me and not just my body.
48 comments
Law school at 20?
Two quotes here that may help. (1) We teach people how to treat us – the common denominator is you, maybe you’re unconsciously telling others that this is what you want. (2) We accept the love we think we deserve. Might you only be considering relationships with people who are only looking for what you say you don’t want. RM me if you want to chat!
I’m sorry, there’s plenty of us guys out here that are looking for the same, but don’t put up with the BS from the get-go. Be picky! It’s your life after all 😊
Lifes a journey not a destination where patience is usually rewarded quite well.
Idk maybe do better with your selection? This is a “you are the problem, and need to make better choices”
Maybe you should try pursuing men you are interested in then. If the men who approach seem shady. Start pursuing men you like. Your attractive and intelligent so shouldnt that hard for you to find a man interested in the same things good luck
Stop sleeping with them. Make them wait. Eventually they should start paying attention.
I give off that energy too, apparently. Prob cuz I’m nice and “smile” and stuff w men. I also listen to their problems and many of my strictly platonic friends are male. No interest in hooking up w other ppls boyfriends. I guess I was naive and fell for the “we are having problems” game just so they can hit. You will meet the right one, it’s just there’s so much trash it takes a while (and bc u are attractive they will all shoot their shot, in a relationship or not)
You just haven’t met the right one
Look in the mirror. Look at yourself in the third person and be really objective as to how people perceive you and how your actions helped shape their perceptions of you and take the baby steps needed to change
Unfortunately sleeping with them too soon does this I think. I’m on the same boat, if I really like a guy I wanna explore that side of the relationship sooner but it never ends well. Looking back, the guys that actually appeared to take me serious and treated me the best were those that didn’t try to sleep with me and I should have been patient myself and gave them a chance. One of them became a good friend, fantastic guy and we get along so well and talk on social media all the time. But he is in another state and has a live in gf now. So he was looking for commitment. I missed out on that one, on the other hand I was never mad about him either. But I think feelings would have developed if i didn’t move onto a complete psycho that appeared exciting in the beginning. We need to reevaluate our choices.
1 your probably to hot.2 you have that look to your face. ( can’t explain) 3 your vibes are I’m better then you not interested. Or your looking in the rong place… can’t say much because I don’t know what you look like or don’t know you.. don’t be upset I’m just saying.. please don’t let it bother you keep moving…..you asked
Maybe you come across as needy, narcissistic type? Don’t hate me. Just guessing
Pick me
Take your time to learn about guys interested in you. Be patient. Then select a guy based on the qualities you desire. You sounds like a lady who can get the guy you want if you take your time to filter out the garbage.
Don’t people please abs be picky accept no shit
Withhold. Be mysterious. If they try to get you back to their place roll your eyes and leave. Say no a lot. Don’t be eager. Don’t text them back right away. Don’t act like you want a relationship, or do want a relationship but not with them. Be evasive. They can look but they can’t touch. As things progress reveal more, tease more, like you’re only showing them this side to you but draw it out longer. You’re a siren, you attract men with your beauty but you’re unattainable to most. Only the most special man can make it up the rocky beaches strewn with the bodies of men better than them to have you. Men will go crazy trying to prove they’re better. Then take your pick.
Right now you’re just a pretty girl who makes a nice notch. They got you and it was too easy.
Because you allow men to use you. Do you get validation from hooking up with the type of men you are drawn to or draw to you?
Stop being a F girl with F boys and see how thing are.
What are YOU doing to find men that want a relationship?
Seems like you need to be the selector in that case. Do you ever initiate with men?
Then the question should not be to anyone else or even these men. Look inside as to why you accept people who don’t respect you.
First of all, law school is amazing 🙂 Second of all and since you mention in another comment that you are Australian, I’ll try to speak your language😄 I suppose you are familiar with the alternative vote system, you country has been using it for over a century. In real life on the other hand, you can only pick one person out of many options. You don’t need to select more preferences if the other guys surrounding you don’t treat you with any sort of respect and admiration for who you are
Take things slow. When you rush through the dating process you fail to see some signs that the guy sucks.
Because you’re attractive you will unfortunately attract the undesirables more so. You’ve just got to set your standards and boundaries and stick to them. Just because a guy shows you interest doesn’t mean you have to engage it. He’s married or taken bye not interested. He’s not committing to you bye not interested. You’ve got the choice so turning guys away who don’t offer what you want shouldn’t be a problem, plenty more to choose from.
A beauty queen and finishing law school at 20. That’s very impressive.
Not that you attract them . You only allow the ones like them to court you . I’m sure tons of great guys for you that you don’t give the time of day
>and in the midst of finishing law school.
Cool
>Why can’t I find a man that’s actually want me for me and not just my body.
Have you tried finding guys at church?
> I get tossed around while they explore for other options
You realise that most men don’t have options to explore? There surely should be some men who’ll prioritise you, but you don’t see them as an option yourself.
You may be tired of being seen as a hookup/side chick material but if this keeps happening to you you have to guess, at this point, that it’s all due to the choices you’re making, the men you’re choosing and the compromises you make for them.
Stop dating for a while and work on yourself. Beauty won’t save you from men who want to use you. This s*** happens to ugly girls too. It’s not a matter of appearance it’s what you allow.
Good luck.
Don’t forget you could always dress down or casual if that is an issue
If you’re being approached by these kinds of men, what kinds of circles are you interacting with? Depending on how you’re meeting these people my advice may be varied.
It sounds like you’re looking for a relationship, so start approaching every man you meet as if they’re applying for the position of being your boyfriend. What are the values you look for in a man that will treat you right? If a man does not fit those standards, don’t give them the time of day.
Try taking a core value quiz online or YouTube how to find your core values. I learned a lot about myself when I didn’t that exercise a few years ago.
Don’t let this wear on your self esteem. Dating is hard at all ages, but I feel it can more so in your early 20’s because everyone is still sorting out what they want.
Really take the time to figure out what you want out of your relationships, you’ll be happier for it!
You sold never be a “side chick” I think it is rude and insulting to you. If they have no interesting in having a real relationship then leave them alone. That tell me 2 things one they do not know what they want and view you as passion .
Date an older guy that’s not as attractive, we gonna treat ya like a goddess
Maybe start rejecting men who have partners and only getting with men who want to make you their some priority. If they lie to you about their relationship status then that’s not on you but based on what I’m reading you’re putting yourself in that side piece category. Only accept men who wanna make you wifey and don’t be too easy . Men more value a women who puts up a challenge . Maybe you’re coming across as too easy . Just assuming idk you’re situation to a fold
How are you finishing law school at 20?
You cant find a man because you dont approach. If you wait for them to come to you you’ll only catch flies.
Also don’t have sex until there’s a commitment. A very public one.
I think this is what so wrong in the dynamic between men and women in dating. Women seem only limited to the options of the guys that land on their lap lol. Obviously the guys who will make a move tend to be the top guys with a lot of confidence and … with many options.
How about you scan your social environment and you reach out to the guys you think would be the best fit for you than just sit and wait for the guy to do this(whoever decides to act). I think this is what is so flawed in women’s dating strategy although I do understand that this is just how it works.
But yeah if I’d a woman, I would just go reach out if I were interested. And not necessarily to the men who really stand out … Like right now it’s not “you” who find them but more them who find you … And apparently not the kind of guys you want.
You are probably attractive enough to be intimidating to the “nice guy” types while also being attractive enough to be a trophy lay for the jerk type of guys who have impulsive mating habits.
There is a chance some men view you as a challenge to be had while others view you as laughably unattainable because you’re so far out of their league in their eyes.
Some may also be threatened by the potential success your budding career may bring. Simply put, you outshine them.
The right one can be found, but you will need to seek them out as the type you’re looking for might be afraid to pursue you, and the type that pursues you boldly is most likely an impulsive mater and is likely to move on to the next sexual challenge quickly.
I bet there are a lot of guys that will be happy to have you for a serious relationship but you don’t want don’t guys, subconsciously you attract a type of guy and I can even picture in my head what those guys look like 😂😂
You’re likely being approached by guys who are confident enough in their ability to seduce girls. Those men are often players who seduce girls serially. I’d look into taking a bit more of a proactive role in choosing who you go out with. Try online dating.
You can also look into why they don’t seem to take you seriously. Do you come off as not serious, or not smart, or too clingy?
Check some of the guys you have friend zoned. I bet there’s some good ones there.
You’re likely emotionally unavailable as well OR giving men the energy that you’re not looking for something serious. That’s why unavailable men are more attracted to you because you seem less of a risk to their already existing commitments. Are you being upfront in your communication about wanting a relationship? Or are you downplaying those needs by sleeping with them early on for validation, subconsciously chasing men that aren’t sure about you while rejecting fully interested guys, and things like that? I would put off any sexual talk and try to take things slower.
I’m saying this not to offend you but help you be aware that you’re the common denominator among all these men. Recognizing the pattern is the first step in making sure you don’t have this problem in the future.
It’s good for you to vent
Why are you accepting attention from these men who are approaching you? Is there anyone you’re interested in who you might be able to approach?
you’re me only ten years younger lol. and ignore all the men saying it’s your fault, it’s absolutely not our fault if we’re literally just sitting at a bar and a married man approaches us (has happened to me multiple times).
unfortunately theres just a lot of trash who happen to like attractive young women lol😒😒😒
Two things of advice, Dressing more simple or cozy gives off a more welcoming tone I know alot of people who model think they have to constantly be bold but thats not exactly the case most men think women think highly of themselves in business/bold or overbearing attire! This doesn’t mean not to wear what you like but some days take it easy and be cozy wear something like a cardigan or soft makeup. Another thing you can try is complimenting a man you find intriguing men also enjoy knowing people appreciate things about themselves or hobbies they like! Im probably bad at advice but I just turned 16 but hopefully this helps a bit! <3
Luv no disrespect but it’s not them its you these are the type of men you are attracted to and give your time to we as men only do what we are allowed to do when you keep dealing and getting the same results you have to stop and look at the common problem in the equation you maybe you need to consider changing your taste in men just my opinion thou luv bcuz you sound like an amazing woman and you should be cherished as such 👑 hope this helps 🫶🏾&✌🏾
It’s your type