Tldr; his dad has never liked me and thinks I’m cheating so he wants me to paternity test. How do we stop him from being so involved?
My husband thinks it’s disrespectful and told him that he trusts me but his dad thinks that I’m not a ‘traditional woman’ and wants me to do a paternity test. We have both said that that’s not necessary.
He keeps commenting on how our son is blonde and doesn’t look like my husband. I was blonde as a kid but my hair darkened to a darker blonde and I dyed it darker a while ago and I’m thinking of stopping. He likely thinks I’ve always had brown hair and my husband has dark hair. My son’s hair is light white blonde which is the same shade as mine as a kid. Also my husband’s mother is blonde. When I said I was blonde as a kid his father laughed.
He just thinks that I’ve slept with a lot of men because my sister does payed things along that route and he thinks I’m like her. Also my mother is a single mum so he judges me for that. He also thinks that I married my husband for money because I’m staying home with my son until he’s 4 despite my husband’s mother also being a stay at home mum. He just sticks his face in our business and is judgemental.
49 comments
Your husband simply needs to go no contact with his dad.
That would be enough for me to go fully no contact with husband’s dad and not let him see my son AT ALL. I hope your husband backs you up on this, because this guy isn’t gonna stop. Eventually he’ll make comments to your son about you too.
You don’t have a father-in-law problem. You have a husband problem.
Maybe insensitive, and I’m sorry if this causes any offence…
If you’re 100% that he’s the father, then accept but insist your FIL pays for the test.. then throw it in his face and never talk to him again
Your husband needs to bluntly and harshly tell his dad to quit insulting you and shut up with his ugly comments.
His father is explicitly and repeatedly accusing you of cheating and bearing another man’s son.
He is accusing his son of being a cuckold.
He is treating your baby like a dirty unwanted outsider.
If your husband is too weak to shut his father down, **YOU** need to do it.
Call him out, to his face, when your husband and your mother-in-law can witness what you say. Make sure everyone hears, all at the same time so he doesn’t go whining and lying to his son and wife about what you said.
Then take your baby, leave their house, and never go back.
Your husband’s father rejected your baby because he believes he is not his grandfather. Your husband’s mother has not refuted her husband’s lies, so she believes she is not his grandmother.
Stop letting them have ANYTHING to do with him.
You husband needs to grow a spine and stop allowing his parents to treat you like trash.
The only reason I would say to do it is simply to shove it in his face right before he’s cut out of your lives.
But honestly, if you two are in agreement that you have zero interest in a paternity test, tell him to butt out.
Unpopular opinion here, but be petty. Do the test, shove it in his face when it comes back your husband is the father then tell him he earned his ticket to permanent NC land with you, his grandson, and any future children you, and your husband have. I know it’s petty, but if it will get him off your back in all ways, with the added never seeing or speaking to that jerk again, maybe it’s worth it.
>My husband thinks it’s disrespectful and told him that he trusts me
Can I just say how refreshing it is to read this. I feel like the only words I read from husbands/boyfriends are, “stays out to keep the peace” “just ignore it.”
Your FIL has no business judging you, your Mom or your sister for that matter. That you look forward to raising his boy to treat women with more respect than his Grandfather.
He is out of line and you deserve an apology. Until then there is nothing more that you need to discuss with him.
I’d be tempted to ask husband to tell his Dad to put his money where his mouth is – he will do the paternity test, and when the kid comes back his, FiL pays for a prepaid college plan for the kid. And he has to put down the money up front.
When FiL refuses, then Husband can say, “See, you know the kid is mine. Now shut up about it. “
Any grandparent that does not think that my son is their grandson is welcome to make that a permanent decision and be removed from my sons life. This should not be tolerated at all
Avoid him and when he intrudes, tell him it’s none of his business. Your husband is the one that needs to shut this down.
Don’t do the test. Your husband needs to cut this guy off. Completely
Tell your father in law to mind his own business and if he persistent tell him if he doesn’t stop with the crap you won’t have your child around such negativity
What is your MIL doing? Sitting on her hands? Can’t she tell her husband to shut his gob? A reminder that her access to grandchildren is on the line too might be necessary. If your husband thinks that is too harsh then remind him that going NC with only half of a couple still gives the person you are NC with a lever to manipulate the situation.
Both of my parents had hair so dark it was nearly black. One of my brothers and I both have sandy brownish/blondish hair after being nearly white-haired as kids. His father is an idiot and you and your husband just needs to stop engaging in these conversations. If he persists after you tell him to change the subject, then you leave (or hang up). Do it often enough and he’ll realize he’s not getting the reaction he wants and maybe he’ll finally stop.
Hubby needs to tell his dad, the next time he mentions a DNA test is the last time he will talk to his father.
Our son was blonde too when he was born, but now as a teenager, his hair has darkened almost as dark as mine.
My husband was a blonde too when he’s young, but darkened as he grew older.
You can’t keep him from commenting, unfortunately, but you can do is go NC or LC with these people.
Here’s my question, does your husband tell his father to shut up? Defend you? If not, he needs to step up and stop enabling his father’s shitty behavior and you need to go no contact with his father and protect you and your child from his bullshit.
If it was me I would get the test. I’d then present it to him with an invitation to never darken my door again.
Sounds like my family. I went through the same thing.
Do the test so you can rub it in his face, it won’t stop his bullshit, but questioning paternity is a pretty big deal, not something you want to let drag out.
Im glad my son’s dad did the test to satisfy his family because I didn’t want my son growing up and hearing something false and harmful when it could have been avoided.
Your husband have to man up to his dad, plain and simple.
My husband and I and my son have dark hair and dark brown or dark hazel eyes. Our daughter (who is 100% my husbands) has BLUE EYES and dirty blonde hair. Your husband is sounding super chill about this and his dad is a piece of work. What a butt
Ild tell him to get the fuck out of my life and my childs and forbid him for ever seeing this child and any future ones.
Get the test. Prove him wrong, or right. Either way.
EW! Fantasizing about his daughter in law’s sex life is REALLY gross. Nasty man
Your husband needs to shut him down. “Dad, that’s a hard no to the paternity test. Furthermore, you’ll keep your nose out of my marriage and stop disrespecting my wife or you will not be seeing very much of any of us. This isn’t open for debate. I’m done with your interference.”
PLEASE ask him for a paternity test to your husband to see if he’s actually the grandad!! 🤣
Tell him that if you do the paternity test, when it shows that your husband is the father then that will be if for him. He won’t be allowed in your house for degrading you and pushing you to have this test due to his own issues, simply because you’re not going to expose yourself and your son to that sort of horrific attitude. And then tell him the choice is his now, so how sure is he that this is not his grandson.
Now obviously you’ll need your husband on board with this. Both of you need to be willing to call the old man’s bluff and fully cut him out of your lives after this test. If he backs down, then you’ve flipped the tables and any time he sticks his oar into your business you can remind him that he was spreading these ideas about you until the moment there was a chance it could affect him, so he needs to be quiet now. If he doesn’t back down, then make sure you get the tests done at an out of town lab just in case, and then say bye bye to a source of perturbation.
I would be so disgusted that he can entertain such a thought. He disrespected you, your sister, and mom. I would go NC and tell him to fuck off.
Better if all this comes from your husband, tell him to have some spine.
If I were in your shoes I’d tell him that I’d get the test if he’s willing to bet money (or something of great value) on it. In writing.
Easy Payday, tell him to deposit 50k into a3rd part trust account setup by your lawyer. You have a contract to get the test independently with results shared with both of you at the same time, and the funds to the person who was correct. He has no claim over those funds if you win.
If you don’t want to do it. Then that’s probably a problem.
Captain obvious here to point out that your husbands dad is not actually his dad.
Real question: is there any reason you have to interact with this guy at all? Or any reason why, if he is present snd shit-talking, you can’t just wave your hand dismissively at him and say “yes, blah blah slattern trollop blah; moving on”?
This is your husband’s duty to call him out for doubting you this much and how he has to respect you otherwise it is time to stay away from his dad. If your husband is not able to stand up for you then this is bad and you should rethink on your relationship with him over this. His dad has no right to demand anything unless and until your husband is convinced that you cheated on him and he is not the father of your son. You call your husband out for not protecting you in his house and letting his dad behave this way with you. you can even ask him to read this post of yours and comments that this post gets so your husband can understand how he failed to protect you and how he has to do now to make thing better for you to continue.
I would go NC with FIL because of what that does to your child. He denied that child, so he needs to be kept far away.
The best way I know to make people shut up about proving a point I know is true is to make a HUGE bet with them. Like betting the Father in Law $10,000 that you know your son is biologically your husband’s. Just be so excited that you can make a lot of money betting on this because you know you are right, the guy will have to back off. Unless he is really stubborn enough to take you up on that bet! Set the bar high enough where if you win that money, you’d be happy to have him intervene because you’d just rub it in his face every time. You don’t even have to collect on the bet. Just winning it, or just offering it and making him back off will give you the upper hand. You can use that to mess with him every time he starts messing with you!!!!
As others said, I’d definitely ask for reciprocal paternity test of your husband 🙂
Justice will be served and world will stay in balance.
My opinion: Do the test send to the entire family with the reason why u did it and cut contact with him until he publicly apologise to u and even after he apologise say u can’t see your grandson.
It’s upto your husband. If he trusts you and you have clean conscience knowing the kid’s dad is your husband, then it doesn’t matter what his dad thinks and he can’t pressure you guys, because his son has a family of his own to take care.
First, even if you both have natural brown hair: if both parents are heterozygous there’s a possibility that they might both pass on the recessive blond allele to their child, resulting in a child with blond hair. Lastly, your husbands dad is so out of line here. Tell him if he continues to disrespect you he will no longer be invited to your home
Make a bet out of it. Make the dad pay for the test, and if your husband is in fact the father then make the FiL pay for an extravagant vacation or something.
The only person who can stop his involvement is your husband. It’s his dad.
But if it were me. I’d do the paternity test. Shove that result in his face.
I never understood when paternity is even slightly in question why it’s a big deal to just do it.
The more someone fights doing one the more suspect it seems like there is maybe something to hide. The rest is just nothing more than your personal ego feeling bruised by your integrity bring questioned.
In Dads eyes, he is being a good father looking out for his son. Yoir having blonde hair as a baby doesn’t waylay the concern when from what older generations were taught about genetics is that a brunette has stronger likelihood of coming in to a babies genes and the males genetics usually carry more strongly. So what your haircolor is or was doesn’t matter when he thinks even if that was true his brunette sons genes should overrule that. We know a lot more about genetic variations now but that doesn’t mean he does.
Be petty. He has to pay for your test and he also has to get a paternity test with his own son because you can’t fathom your husband being related to an asshole like him.
Once you get the results, send a pic to Walmart so they can print that shit onto a blanket, they can frame it for him and make them frame it in thier house and then also frame one in your house. Then keep the blanket and take it with you for when you go to holidays with them when you’ll be “cold”.
Reading your post made me wonder if your father in law has always been allowed to voice his opinions and not challenged perhaps because he was the head of the family. Your husband needs to speak to his father about his comments and it needs to be made clear that his negative comments and opinions are not welcome or wanted around you or your child. His comments show his lack of respect in your home for his son, you, your marriage and his grandchild. I’m also thinking about your son as he grows being exposed to a person that shows no respect and a complete disregard for the impact of what he says. I wouldn’t want my growing child being exposed to the toxic views and comments of his grandfather. Your husband needs to be clear that if he is not willing to stop his behaviour then he is not welcome in your house or around your child.
For the life of me I’ll never understand why so many people look down on single mothers. Why would you judge the parent who actually stuck around?
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That said: this isn’t about your son’s paternity. It’s just another way of trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband, another way of putting you down. If you did the test and you have it black on white that your son is your husband’s, he’d probably only give you a backhanded compliment on being smart enough to use a condom while cheating. He’s just looking for a stick to beat you with, nothing you will ever do will get him to stop. Your husband needs to be firm: either his father starts treating you with respect or he goes NC. Your husband’s nuclear family needs to come first.
If you and your husband are on the same page then you can just ignore him. Go as low contact as you can. You’ll have to continue to interact with him at family events but you don’t have to take his calls.
I can see the appeal of doing the test, but just know it will not be enough for him. There will be other things he will decide to fixated on, because he’s got his teeth into you not being the right “type” for his son. So I’m not gonna say don’t do the test, I get the appeal, but also be prepared to go low/no contact with him too because nothing is going to be enough for this man..
Do the test and use it to smear it in his face.
Would love to see his reaction and you can always use it in further conversations.
Oh like you used to say that I am cheater and needed to do a test. How did that turn out dad.
Tell FIL that his interest in your sex life is highly inappropriate. Especially as he is obviously spending a lot of time imagining you having sex with a lot of men. Tell him just cause he’s got some perverted obsession with you, doesn’t mean the rest of the planet does.Tell him to his face, he’s/they’ve got more chance with Mother Theresa, even considering her current situation. Then tell him to Eff off and not bring this up to you until he has a degree in genetics, because then he might not spout such uneducated balderdash and would hopefully understand the complexity of genes.
I doubt he’d talk to you afterwards. He’ll be too busy being outraged. And protesting. At which point you look at hubs and say “don’t you think he’s protesting too much?”. Have you ever seen anyone apoplectic before (purple, sputtering and so angry they can barely breathe let alone speak)? Cause that’s probably what you’ll get but worth it to see the trash take itself out. 🤷♀️