My husband and I have been married for about 11 years, no kids. He hasn’t been able to hold down a regular job until about 4 years ago when he finally found a job he was good at and enjoyed. But he’s stopped working for the past 4-5 months because he was feeling depressed – and i’ve tried to be supportive but now i just find it so annoying seeing him at home every day (even though he keeps busy by cooking and cleaning the house). Not only does it impact our finances, but its been difficult being the only person who has been consistently working ever since we got married. I’m also the one in charge of tracking and paying all the bills, rent, etc. We also have fertility issues, we are rarely intimate because he never initiates it and i’ve sort of given up. He also smokes weed which causes him to be more depressed, but he always tries to find other excuses. Now he’s taking some meds which he says is causing him to have an even lower sex drive which i didn’t think was even possible. We’re great friends and get along really well in general, he’s also very kind and always supportive, but i’m just completely exhausted of being married to him..
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you’re not happy, what would make you happy? Do that instead. He sounds a lot like someone I am close to. Has he tried medications? Weed is never going to help this kind of issue it’s only going to add to and amplify it.
How long ago did he start medicine for depression?
It’s time for you to cut cord and go your own way. Your husband does what he does because you allow it. Stop being an enabler and put your foot down. If your husband doesn’t want to work and pull his load, then it’s time to pull the welcome matt back under the door.
‘We are great friends’ that’s what it seems like to me. You helping a friend with depression. Seems like you don’t want to leave. No you are not unreasonable, you are drained.
This would not fly. I’ve lived this life. He needs to be an adult and get a damn job. Do NOT have children with this man. You can’t carry the load forever, he is using excuses.
You married a man-child, who prefers being taken care of getting high, is that about right?
No kids, cut your losses and walk away.
Here is a truth. While smoking weed is technically not a crime in many locations, it is still a federal offense and almost all legitimate companies require no illegal drug use for professional positions. This means he will probably always only be able to hold low level service positions and seasonal positions. While there are some examples where people that abuse drugs/alcohol have successful careers, they are the exceptions.
If you stay in this marriage, your future will be being in a mother role with a man, who chooses laziness and drug use over you or the marriage.
It sounds like you married a liability. A partner who can’t hold his own, especially a man, isn’t the type any woman should be with for this long. He may be a kind person, and you get along, but these aren’t enough to keep being married. If the tables were turned, I doubt if as a man he would still be with you because men are statistically known to put their own happiness and interests first especially in this situation where there are no children to consider. And is this the kind of marriage you want to have kids in? Do you really want to intentionally bring in innocent kids into this unhealthy dynamics? He’s not even trying to be better for himself and the for you and the potential kids you would have.
I am sorry it sounds like you married a bum. Plain and simple. You have a roommate mate and not a husband. He is very comfortable with the state of things because he has a wife who takes the masculine role. Personally, i would never support this type of dynamic where a woman takes up the major role of providing for the family. Eventually, men in this situation would be complacent, relaxed, and lazy. You need to really sit down and ask yourself if in the next 5 or 6..that’s almost 16/17 years of your marriage, you want to look back and be happy with this type of life. I bet you would resent him.
Lastly, weed smoking causes low sperms quality, just like smoking generally. I’m sure he must have been told this by a doctor, and yet he’s still bent on smoking when you both are trying for a baby. This alone is enough to leave him. You’re wasting your youth and time as a woman with a reproductive clock. I don’t know how old you are, but I don’t think this is a healthy marriage life. You need to leave him.
Hell no. He can work. Or he can get help for his depression, and then also work. You know what depresses me? Going to work everyday. But I do it because I like to eat. Fuck that shit.