I (24F) went on a first date with a guy last night. We went to a lake to watch the sunset and then I asked about getting something to eat (which was the original plan when he asked me out). We end up at a pizza place and while we’re in line he starts talking on the phone and I realize he’s trying to activate his credit card. Then he turns to me saying he can’t activate it because he doesn’t have the pin and asks if I mind grabbing the pizza and he would get us bubble tea as a dessert after. I was a little put off but decided to give him the benefit of doubt that it was an honest mistake and I paid. Once we get to the bubble tea store, the cashier announces our total and he doesn’t even reach for his wallet. So after about 10 seconds of awkward silence and both of us just standing there, I pull out my wallet and pay for the bubble tea.
I haven’t responded to his text this morning and have no intention of seeing him again. I’m completely turned off. But I was explaining this to my guy friend and he said that I was acting entitled and men shouldn’t be expected to pay just because they’re men.
I obviously don’t expect a man to pay every single time, but I firmly believe if you invite someone out that you should be prepared to pay. Does that make me entitled??
37 comments
I’d say no, not entitled. Call me old fashioned, but I usually just plan on paying, and get it; even if she wants to split or whatever I usually try to insist I got it, but not to the point of upsetting her…
This guy sounds like he doesn’t have his shit together. I’d pass…
He said he would pay for the tea, he didn’t, the first thing with the pizza as you said it excusable, the second wasn’t
Maybe if he said that there were issues and he didn’t think he would be able to beforehand but to just stand there at the register is wrong
That is tacky. He should have just been upfront and said he wanted to go Dutch. But to make it awkward and not pick up anything? Ok, so men shouldn’t have to pay for everything, fine, but pay for something and don’t say you are if you aren’t. Also if men went to start not paying, then I think women should stop investing in our appearance. Dudes roll up wearing the same old clothes. We buy makeup, get our hairs did, wax, lazer….new outfits, pedicures ect. Women invest in a way a lot of men appreciate but don’t realize. My now husband showed up on a date in a sports t shirt once. I simply told him he could wait while I changed into grungy clothes. He left, went to the store and bought a button down. I was like “if you like the effort I put in for you, you need to put effort in too.”. There is nothing wrong with your expectations. This dude probably just won’t be your match. And that is ok. There will be someone who is. I am 47 and absolutely believe it is ok to want what you want and the guy can want what he wants. If on a first date it is so glaringly obvious he isn’t inline, for sure, no reason to continue. I personally hate cheap. I am not cheap so I want someone generous. I prefer to be fighting for the opportunity to treat someone. Once I feel taken advantage of, I am out. From friends, to dates to family. I honestly doubt it even has to be around dating. That guy is probably the dude who goes to the bathroom when the bill comes with anyone he is with. Or is just bitter about taking women out and trying to prove his point. In any case, gross….
It’s pretty annoying that he wasn’t even able to pay his half and just expected you to cover it. I mean, wouldn’t anyone be annoyed if you randomly had to pay for everything when it wasn’t agreed? Going half or paying your share is completely normal. Your guy friend is being unreasonable, I don’t think you’re being entitled whatsoever
Nahhhh you’re his date and you wanted to get some food to which he agreed, he should of paid for it. I would never ask a date, a friend or family to get food and then expect them to pay
YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED.
He asked you out, he should have paid.
With that said, this man used you for dinner and bubble tea. The credit card thing was BS, and the fact he OFFERED to take you for bubble tea to make up for his card not working at the pizza place…then stood there and refused to pay for the bubble tea… he knew what he was doing. This isn’t a matter of him making you split the bill. He asked to take you on a date, then made you pay for everything, including his.
Different people have different expectations on paying for early stage dating, but I’d be more concerned with the fact that he said he’d pay for the bubble tea then didn’t…
Reminds me of my friend who “forgot his wallet” when we went out for lunch. We then went to his place. I mentioned it and he said yeah sure soon. I was too shy to bring it up again, until we were out walking again. Before we parted ways, I asked if he could pay me now and he’s like, “Oops, I forgot my wallet again. Well doesn’t matter, we’ll see each other again before you leave.”
No, we didn’t. I did not want to see him again.
No, you’re not.
The person that asks for the date should pay for the primary meal. As a thank you, the other person should get the next date or dessert or something.
Maybe the pizza was a mistake but then he just straight up lied about the tea. Don’t go on another date with this guy
I personally think everyone should pay for their own crap on dates, but he said his card wasn’t working (which could have been a legitimate thing) and said he would get the bubble tea. If he had no intention of paying then he shouldn’t have said he would pay.
Activate a credit card on a date? How old is this guy? He asked, so I think he should probably be paying.. You don’t seem to have any unhealthy mentality towards this.. You’re good..
No , you’re not entitled. Whoever does the asking out should pay.
That’s not entitled if he said he’d treat and then didn’t.
Block him and move on.
This isnt really about entitlement.
This is about the fact that you were just Foodie Called.
No because he said he’d get dessert and didn’t. Had he gotten dessert it’d be fair. But he went back on his word. That’s the issue
Agreed! You invite, you pay
You are not entitled. If a guy wants to show a gal a good time he needs to be prepared. This means he should go through a tiny dry run in his head and make sure he has a plan. If he even thought a little bit about this date, he would have had his card ready. He didn’t put any effort. If I were you I would not have paid for the pizza as well. These are the kinds of people that run out of gas in their car. I’m a guy and in my opinion you gals need to raise your standards way higher. Don’t date un-romantic morons.
How was he even going to pay for the tea if he couldn’t pay for the pizza? It’s bad to go on a date with no money. I would have just told him it’s okay on the tea and never saw him again. That’s unprepared & honestly dumb. He knew he didn’t have money.
He set the date and didn’t have his credit cards ready? You did nothing wrong. Dude should’ve been prepared.
The bait and switch on dessert is weird and enough for me to stop talking to a near stranger.
This is not entitlement and this dude is a pure embarrassment.
The stories in this sub never cease to amaze me.
Drop that friend. Look at that pathetic attempt to gaslight women into accepting men’s disrespectful behavior. Expecting a man to pay isn’t the same as expecting a man to pay for his own shit. That men lied to you to make you pay for his own shit. The audacity of this your friend to gaslight you into accepting this behavior. If the roles were reversed I am sure your friend and the other males here had something else to say. Don’t waste your time with a person like this. Even the roles were reversed I would tell a man to stay away from a woman who lies to get her stuff paid for.
Not entitled-guy need to get his shit together if he wants to date
Not entitled. If I ask a girl out, I’m paying for every that night.
I wouldn’t be attracted either. What a loser tbh, can’t afford to buy a woman he is courting a pizza on a first date? Unless you really like this dude and think he’s super hot or something I wouldn’t stand for it.
While I 100% agree with what he said, this isn’t really about that.
First part was understandable. Shit happens. Second part, he said he’d do something then didn’t and left you blind sided more or less which is pretty shitty.
Not entitled. Completely taking out the whole “who should pay” issue, he invited you out for a walk and dinner. You presumably showed up hungry, expecting to go out to eat later, regardless of who paid. He seemed to kinda forget about the plans until you encouraged getting food. Nothing irks me more when someone, even non romantic, gets all excited to hang out and do something and acts like they have a plan and then has zero ideas and no alternative plans.
If I go on a date, I usually research the area if another person picked a location, just to make sure I have other ideas or know possible bars for after dinner, or if the restaurant is too crowded etc. You trusted he had a plan, he had no plan, and he didn’t even bother to bring money on top of it.
I think you’re right to be miffed about the bubble tea. He outright said he would pay, and then didn’t? That’s very lame.
However…
> I obviously don’t expect a man to pay every single time, but I firmly believe if you invite someone out that you should be prepared to pay. Does that make me entitled??
Are you somebody who asks men out more than the usual woman? If not, this is just “the man should pay” with extra steps.
>We end up at a pizza place and while we’re in line he starts talking on the phone and I realize he’s trying to activate his credit card.
Ehhh…
I don’t know about you (or anyone else) but I know when I get a new card and I know it needs to be activated. To suddenly need to do it in the line when I’m about to pay sounds suspicious. Like, if I’m heading out and relying on my card to pay for stuff I’ll be damn sure it’s good to go.
Without further context, I’d say it was manipulative.
Your guy friend is correct that expecting a man to pay simply because he is a man is *absolutely* entitlement. A lot of people aren’t ready for that conversation. No one is required to pay for anyone on the basis of gender. Most men just choose to do that.
THAT SAID, this dude is *clearly* in the wrong in this case because he made an empty promise to pay for the tea. He clearly switched up to a walk around the lake because he’s broke. He probably felt awkward that you had to pay and backed himself into a corner by offering to pay for dessert. You made the right choice not responding.
first of all….how you don’t have/know your own pin for a credit card ??? i’m walking out loll
Not entitled. Don’t see this guy again. What a piece of shit tbh. I’d of been like “damn I guess we ain’t getting any tea”
That’s weird as hell. If he was honest about not having money, then everything would be different. In fact, it would be fine – take the guy out! But he wasn’t honest about it – which is a sign of a low integrity person.
You were not acting entitled. As far as I am concerned, men should still pay for dates until a relationship is ongoing. Then maybe there should be more give and take. But this is just my opinion. I used to split dates more often when I was broke, however.
Its important to respect yourself enough to not commit to things you can’t afford.
Otherwise you put the people around you in the position of having to take care of you in ways they did not agree to.
>asks if I mind grabbing the pizza and he would get us bubble tea as a dessert after
And did he get the bubble tea? **No.**
Fuck that guy. No more “dates” with him.
Did you tell your guy friend that your date said he’d buy the bubble tea?
Loser, move on.