Turning to Reddit now for help.
I’m writing this in bed, feeling sad and also in pain (physical and emotional). This is in Europe at his home town. I’m Asian, Husband European.
Yesterday my husband and I went to an isolated beach. One of the rocks had algae on it. He got in the water first and warned me, be careful. I thought I have aqua shoes so they must have decent grip. Wrong. I slipped and fell flat on my head – blunt force trauma, not a sharp rock. I felt my vision tremor for a few seconds. He said, and I agreed, okay, you aren’t unconscious, you’ll be fine. That was at about 7.30pm.
I spent the rest of the evening there, are sandwiches, climbed some rocks while he fished. We got home, I showered, ate pizza, I took a Mars bar and ate it in bed. This is Midnight now. (During these hours, I felt slightly dizzy and nauseous, but I told myself- Obviously girl, you just bumped your head hard.)
As I ate the Mars bar, I felt a sharp pain at the spot where I hit my head and I felt it could b something worse internally. I immediately googled ‘ How hard do I have to hit my head for it to be serious?’ And of course it came up that there could be internal clot etc. Well, I don’t know how long one must wait till there are serious symptoms, but I felt the immediate need to go to a hospital (2.5kms from our place). I told him I feel the need to go to emergency and at least get checked. He got agitated, said I’m googling crap and panicking, and if I wanna go take an Uber. I was very hurt, but I i took the Uber. A nurse Chexked me when i got to the hospital, and asked me to wait. I then called my husband and cried to him, please don’t leave me alone in this situation, i need you by my side. He said , ok I’ll come. He arrived and was mega pissed. He did not say a word to me, and closed his eyes to sleep, sitting next to me in the waiting area. It’s now nearly 2 AM, the waiting time is looong at this emergency (may be 5 hours or more). So i told him, maybe I’ll go home and sleep and come in the morning, because I really want to get checked. So he’s still pissed and goes to get the car. Stops 50 meters away from me so i have to walk, in slight daze.
I begged him don’t be pissed at me. I’m hurt. He said, your fault, i told you it’s slippery. I said i know, but now I’ve fallen and I need you emotionally. He said don’t talk to me, you crossed my boundaries etc etc.
I cried myself to sleep. This morning, I told my MIL, who got upset that i went alone by Uber to hospital. My FIL n MIL took me to private hospital and i got checked by a Dr. Thankfully I am fine and need some rest.
But the hurt of my husband’s behaviour is far more painful than the bump on my head. I contemplated leaving him because I don’t want to be with a person who invalidates my medical needs. But I love him so much, or loved him, I guess.
Unless he apologizes I can’t behave normally with him. After my FIL brought me back from check up this morning, my husband has not said a word to me. He’s chilling, watching YouTube and casual chatting with his mum, dad, who probably haven’t said anything about this because they don’t want conflict?
I’m at a loss. I need him to see how this was important. What can I do to save this relationship? Can I save it? How can I approach him without him going off about me overreacting, and telling me, “I told you the rock is slippery, you weren’t careful.” And “I told you so, but you went to Dr and they told you the same thing, that you’re fine?”
Edit1: In my anger at how he acted, in the car from the hospital back home, I said hurtful stuff like F*ck you, Piece of Sh!t, and then when we got home cried and begged for us to make it alright. That’s when he whisper-yelled at me (parents sleeping) “you crossed my boundaries, don’t touch me, don’t talk to me”
Edit2: Because a user pointed at sex life. Our relationship is perfect except for this. We have regular sex, share the same kinks, I blow him regularly when we are intimate, we do videos, outdoor sex etc.
17 comments
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If he cared how you feel, **he would care how you feel.** Everything he’s done has indicated that he doesn’t see your feelings as an issue worth his attention.
Aw, poor you😞
Don’t talk to your husband, let him come to you first about the situation and apologize. What happened to you wasn’t a joke. And if he cares, he should have rushed you to the hospital like a normal partner would.
What the hell… Why isn’t he worried about you?! You might need to rethink this relationship 😞
> What can I do to save this relationship?
You wrote a whole post about your husband being an utter, unabashed asshole and your question is what YOU can do to fix things? Honey, you have done literally nothing wrong. You asked for the absolute bare minimum, which is to have your spouse by your side in the hospital (what happened to all that “in sickness and in health” stuff?) and he threw a toddler tantrum over it. His *parents* had to step in because he wouldn’t. Isn’t he ashamed of his failure as a husband?
> How can I approach him without him going off about me overreacting
You can’t, because he’s an asshole. A person with basic empathy would be terrified for you and wouldn’t dream of lecturing you about slipping. Head injuries can be very serious.
I can’t imagine that this behavior is an isolated incident. I would be reevaluating your relationship to determine if this is someone you can trust when you’re vulnerable and in need.
Hon, no. Just…no. Head injuries are no joke, and he should have been worried, not angry you fell when he warned you not to. Middle of the night run to the ER was warranted.
Your reaction wasn’t super healthy, no, but his was worse. You deserve better.
You were wise to go to the ER. I treated people with brain injuries for 35 years. A brain bleed from a blow to the head can take a day or two to develop. A CT scan is recommended to rule out a bleed. It’s really important. If you want more info to show your husband, go to [NIH.gov](https://NIH.gov) and search for brain injury. Meanwhile, get a lot of rest. It can take days to months to recovery from a concussion. Your husband sounds like a selfish jerk. Sorry, but maybe some facts will wake him up. His dismissive attitude indicates that he doesn’t really care about your health. He just doesn’t want to be inconvenienced.
>I begged him don’t be pissed at me. I’m hurt. He said, your fault, i told you it’s slippery. I said i know, but now I’ve fallen and I need you emotionally. He said don’t talk to me, you crossed my boundaries etc etc.
Your husband is weaponising therapy language, à la Jonah Hill. Head injuries are no joke; if that happened to anyone I loved we’d have been headed to the hospital before they even had to ask me.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and I hope you are able to gather the strength to leave.
If you do not have a history of being a drama queen, then this guy is a selfish prick.
I don’t think he knows what boundary means. Also can’t imagine what kind of boundary he could be referring to. Some people think boundary is just “do whatever I say.”
How often do you need to watch what you say to avoid him blowing up?
Love doesn’t need to be like this. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
A good partner would have taken you to the hospital and *been worried about you*. Stop accepting less than you deserve. A good therapist can help you determine if this relationship truly serves your needs or not.
Was he yelling at you when you said nasty things to him?
When it comes to hitting your head, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. I’m glad that you went to the hospital and got some tests done. Keep monitoring your symptoms over the next week and go to the doctor again if anything weird happens. Your husband is being such a weirdo. A normal husband would be very concerned that you got hurt and also want you to see a doctor. I can’t believe him?? Maybe you should consider breaking up….
Huh? Y’all don’t know what concussions are?
What you learned about him is that he cares more about “who’s fault is it?” than “are you hurt and what do you need?”
You need to have a frank discussion about this. Unless there is an immediate recognition of the problem and change in behavior, you are looking at a life of this.
Sounds like a minor concussion, which you still need to go in for. Not something to downplay, especially with a loved one.
You’re talking about how you can fix this? But why would you want to be with someone who you can’t even trust to be there for you when you’re hurt or at your worst?
A fair question for you to ask him would be: “Why should I stay with you, when you have just shown me that you won’t be there for me emotionally in a crisis?”