We’ve been together for about 6 months now. Everytime we text it turns sexual which is fine sometimes, Im not in the headspace to do sexual stuff with him in person currently so I go with this to at least give him something.
But tonight he’s bothered me with it. It doesn’t matter what I say to him, ask how his day is, what he did, tell him I’m eating, playing a game, out with friends. He always finds a way to sexualize it and direct the conversation into sending nudes.
Tonight I was talking to him and he kept bringing up how horny he was and I asked if we could have a serious conversation, he apologizes and agrees and asks what’s up and I tell him about some pretty hefty family issues I’ve been dealing with. I’m telling him this almost crying because I haven’t opened up to anyone and he’s comforting me and I felt better and made a joke about how dramatic it all was and then he just segwayed into “it all sounds really hard honestly, not as hard as me right now though” and I just never replied.
I don’t know how to reply. I’m so exhausted from everything else part of me just wants to leave it but it’s seriously bothering me and idk how to tackle it without making him feel bad or upset because I don’t want that. My family issue revolves around me causing others to feel bad for me and it’s something I actively try to avoid because I hate it so I have no clue how to do this.
Any advice on what to say, or how to handle it would help?
Part of it feels as if he didn’t even care for my situation too, he just said what he needed to say to cheer me up enough to send him some nudes and that’s a job well done in his book! Its happened before too, I tell him I’m stressed and he says he has “ideas” on how to help that. Idk. I know realistically what I have to do I just guess I have Noone else to speak to about this so here I am lol.
9 comments
Honestly, it sounds like this isn’t a good fit for you two. You need a mature relationship, and he needs some booty. There’s no shame in going your separate ways.
To me, it sounds like your boyfriend is only
concerned with his needs. You don’t want to upset him by bringing it up so you go with it to get it over with. That’s not being true to yourself. Abandoning your needs and boundaries.
Regarding your boyfriend, either he only believes himself to be your fuck buddy or its because you two are on different emotional intelligence levels. If is the second, I don’t think this is something you can change. It’s an incompatibility. It will fall on you to think and see if this is worth keeping up.
About your family issues…. are you sure it’s you that makes other people feel bad or it’s your family that gaslight you? I believe it’s the second option of you think there is no one else you can talk about this.
Guys are idiots. Especially at the age of 19. I know I was. All I cared about was sex at times. But I was also smart enough not to bring that up when my girlfriends were trying to have a meaningful convo. I knew that was weird for girls and probably a turn off. Most gurls arent hypersexualized like their male counterparts at 19.
Id say find someone else for sure. You dont need to constantly be sending nudes to him if you arent always horny like he is. Dont let anyone pressure you into sending nudes. Id even go as far as to say only send something like that if youre REALLY about it, liek if youre also turned on ready to get at it. I feel like sending nudes and talking about sex when your not trying to have sex in the moment is weird. Its so much better when conversation is mutual.
Also, as a guy, I know this mf watching way too much porn.
If you want to fix this then you’ll have to sit him down and talk about it. You have to set a hard boundary when it comes to serious conversations. But if I’m being honest I have had many almost relationships where I would be trying to talk or share something I’m going through just to be interrupted by their sexual needs. Each time this happened I found myself disgusted by them and uninterested in continuing the relationship. I personally have no interest in being with someone who does not care about my feelings to the point where I’m saying I’m struggling and they just want me to send nudes instead of trying to comfort or support me. It made me feel like a slab of meat only there to please them. You don’t deserve that. No one does. If you want to try and fix it then I wish you the best. But in my opinion you’re better off ending this relationship and finding someone who values your emotions and puts you first rather than their own sexual pleasure, especially when you’re very obviously upset.
Not to be harsh, but run fast and run far away. He doesn’t care about you, he cares about getting laid. I’m sorry 🙁
YOU: “I don’t know how to reply. I’m so exhausted from everything else part of me just wants to leave it but it’s seriously bothering me and idk how to tackle it without making him feel bad or upset because I don’t want that.”
You can only take care of one person at a time. You’re first. There are direct, non-confrontational ways to tell him what you told us. Be honest. Communicate. Let him know there’s an issue here. If he fails to hear it right and gets defensive, that’s on him. If he is that immature and defensive, you can’t protect him from himself. If he can’t handle it, take it as a red flag. In this case he’s ***supposed to be*** helping ***you***.
‘Yeah your family stuff is hard, but not as hard as me’ is so cheesy and insensitive, you should dump him for that alone.
He doesn’t care about your feelings, why do you care so much about not upsetting him?
Seriously, you want someone who connects with you emotionally. This guy is not at all connected to you. You two aren’t compatible and this isn’t a healthy relationship.
Is he a virgin?