Hi all. My m36 wife f31, have been married about 8 years now with two kids, and I feel like the bedroom romance is starting to die. While part of this is due to health issues sometimes preventing actual intercourse, there’s still a lot to do.
I’ve tried so everything I can think of to keep it going on my side: toys, outfits, massage, making the changes she asks for, eating healthier, working on my self mentally/as a person etc etc etc. If she is open to the idea at all it will happen maybe one time, and then just peters out.
I feel like I’m putting all this effort into it, and it’s not being reciprocated. She rarely, if ever initiates, and when we do have spicy time it’s often the most vanilla possible, but I can’t say that or she will be offended.
We do have good sex, and I’m pretty sure she’s not faking when she cums, but it just feels like there’s no desire or passion on her end.
When we’ve spoken about things, like positions, she says they just aren’t physically possible for her (reverse cowgirl, or even just leaning in regular cowgirl) or that she doesn’t know how to do that (like roleplaying or when I coach her on what I find more passionate during blow jobs).
I try to make her feel desired and wanted, and would like her to make me feel that way as well.
I’m trying to think of material she might be open to that can learn tips or techniques from, or that just might help her feel more sexy it in the mood more often. But she won’t look at porn (for ideas, not realism), and doesn’t like reading, but she does listen to podcasts.
So, to the topic, what are some podcasts I can recommend for her to listen to that would help with some of these issues. Maybe they can talk about technique, or building skills, maybe they just share erotic stories sometimes. Idk. I’d love to see what Reddit can come up with.
Thanks all.
3 comments
Sex with Emily
Sex with Dr Jess
SexTok
Sexology
These all discuss a wide variety of sex topics and are women friendly.
I’ve been here! This was me and my wife! Health issues, kids, lack of effort being put in by partner, vanilla sex, etc… etc…all of it! Damn are you me from the past?
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For us it was all about stress getting in the way. For her to be horny, she had to first be relaxed.
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We started with a massage while listening to erotica together. My wife has an audiobook subscription now that gives access to heaps of erotic stories. Maybe find something like that for her.
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A drink or two can definitely help calm the nerves and get in the right mood. We never go beyond 4 standard drinks because obviously we don’t want to become alcoholics.
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Eventually we progressed to watching sexy shows together. There is a show called Gigolos. It is gold. It’s reality tv that follows the lives of some gigolos. It’s pretty softcore and rarely see nudity, but it will introduced the whole looking at others naked and having sex concept. On netflix there is a sex room makeover show. That’s another good one. Playboy tv online subscription is great for reality tv sex based shows. Swing is a great one to watch together. Foursome is always entertaining. There’s a non reality based show on there with no actual sex called Submission. It’s a very sexy well done show. Then from there we started watching retro porn. My Bare Lady was just amazing. Anything with Mike Horner who is basically the golden retriever of porn is always a joy to watch. Old Ron Jeremy stuff is usually pretty good too. John Leslie stuff from the 70s could also be a good start. It’s not like modern day porn. Back in the day there had to be plot etc…. for porn to be permitted. And they were proper films with big budgets and shown at cinemas. Much higher quality than modern day stuff.
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From there we’ve progressed to Blacked and Tushy. They are modern porn but done with a plot. Also blacked actually shows the guys which modern porn doesn’t normally, so there is some eye candy for her too.
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We actually do a drinking game when we watch porn together, every time there is a penis or a bad hair cut, or a change in position etc… we have a sip. You could do this with erotica too. Some candles, put on a slutty sex story and every time they mention a penis you both have to drink, etc…
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Anyway from where you are now and where I started with my wife, our sex life is now so massively different. Going from vanilla and now my wife regularly does anal and enjoys it. A couple nights ago she fingered her ass while I came over her. Sex is about 10 times a month for us and has been consistently for well over a year now.
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Oh and also order sex toys from Ali Express. They are super cheap and they take ages to arrive. So you get these little sexy surprises over the next couple of months. We almost always incorporate toys now.
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ANyway that’s all the stuff that worked for us. Good luck with it!
shamelesssex with amy and april. amy won sex educator of the year in 2022.
i’d recommend episode 101 to start for couples:
https://www.shamelesssex.com/podcast/101-how-to-have-deep-connection-and-juicy-sex-with-dr-nicola-amadora7
i’ll also 2nd Dr Jess podcast. she’s funny and the episodes are well thought out with key points highlighted for the topic at hand. the open honest conversations she has with her partners input make the ideas she shares really come to life. the podcast also has transcript and its cool to have the option to read vs listen