I just want to start this off by saying that I do love my husband. The issue is that at times he can be a bit dismissive of my feelings and continuously puts himself first. For example, we have been burgled multiple times recently, and I pled with him that we needed to install a security system as I did not feel safe. His reply was that unfortunately the cost of installing a security system outweighs my “silly girly problems”.
This is just one of many examples of where I feel like I am a secondary citizen in my own marriage. However, his self-centredness has got to the point where I am considering leaving. My husband is very into collecting guns, and is part of the NRA, which I am not directly against, however he has been completely reckless at the potential expense of our children’s lives. He has consistently left it loaded and just sitting around the house, for example on the table, on the dresser, and even just on the floor. I have begged him to be more careful, and he has said he will be, but at this point I haven’t seen any change.
I could go on with examples of where he acts like I don’t exist, and I’m not sure if his attitude is ever going to change. When we first met he was the sweetest man you could have possibly imagined, but over time he has just stopped even showing he cares. I still love him and hope there is a chance we can get back to the way things were, but I’m just not sure.
Please, any advice on what I should do would be a massive help. I don’t have many people I can really ask, and I’m starting to really struggle.
My (31F) Husband (34M) leaves guns around house in reach of children
30 comments
Can you move somewhere safer, where a gun may be less necessary and you won’t have to worry about break-ins? …or even just move out of the house w/o him? There is no excuse for children having access to loaded guns. It’s not worth risking their lives or someone else’s.
On top of being stupidly ignorant on gun safety and careless about your children, he is emotionally abusive to you. Take your kids and get out. Don’t teach them that this is how an adult relationship looks like.
I think you really know what you have to do. There’s no other solution but to leave him.
One day one of your children might use the gun and kill or harm another child or you or your husband .
He doesn’t care for you nor for your children.
This is why the rest of the world thinks that America is primitive that the ownership of guns outweighs the sanctity of life.
I can’t help with advice because as a non-American, I have zero understanding or tolerance of someone would want to live with a man who treats his kids lives as not important.
I guess you’ll just have to decide if you’re happy with it.
Please sit him down and watch this with him:
https://youtu.be/uc3hVOL4sUE
Then talk about it.
Relationships don’t work based on hope. What logical reason exists to make you believe you’re going to get back to the way things were? That’s ignoring all the monumental red flags that exist.
Discuss this and stand firm. Most gun owners are about safety. Your husband is quite frankly an asshole and setting your family up for a disaster.
I am so sorry honey, that is awful. This reminds me of that simpsons episode where Homer gets a gun and Marge ends up staying with him. I always thought she should have left and that’s what I suggest you do as well.
One love.
For as little as $220 you can buy a kit from Simplisafe and install it yourself in 30 min. Monitoring is very reasonable at $18 per month or about 60 cents a day (or about the cost of 1 bullet). What would he do if you just bought a system and installed it? It is really easy to do, you just stick the sensors on doors and motion sensor on the wall, no tools or wires.
The safety issue and his dismissive attitude is a red flag.
I love the structure of this post and the importance of each paragraph. 1. I love hubby very much 2. he is emotionally abusive 3. oh btw he endangers the life our children‘s with his negligence 4. I tried talking to him and he doesn’t care 5. but Reddit I love him!! What kind of a mother are you that your blind love for this man is more important than your children‘s safety? Have you for one second considered how quickly a gun accident can change all of your lifes forever? Normally parents are worried accidents could happen that they’re not responsible for, and you’re sorta okay with your children living in a house with a loaded gun casually on the coffee table. You either put your foot down with that self centered ignorant man and lock up his guns OR you realize that you’re endangering your children just as much my turning a blind eye and letting somebody incapable of safety measures watch over those kids and LEAVE HIM. Let’s hope you’re not in a state where the child access prevention firearm law is active or you could be looking at serious legal consequences in case a gun goes off.
It sounds like you’re looking for others’ acceptance to leave your husband, you don’t need permission from us, just look at your kids and ask yourself is it worth putting off any longer and risking them shooting themselves or their siblings?
Your husband has created an unsafe environment for you and your kids. What if the next time you get burgled, the burglars use his unsecured weapons against you or your children? What if they want more than money? Rape? A life?
Your husband is disrespecting you on a fundamental level and putting himself before the safety of his own family. And if it were me, I’d send him packing with a restraining order temporarily until there’s a divorce or he gets it through his thick head that he’s actively walking over your safety, your concerns and the well being of your family.
Your job as a mother is to provide a safe environment for your children.
Is this a safe environment?
Why would he change his “you don’t exist”, “silly girly problems”, and leaving loaded guns where I presume very young children can easily gain access? He’s suffered no consequences thus far. I’d leave before the consequences end up dire, please leave. Also I’m sure you’ve educated and talked to your children about NEVER touching the guns daddy leaves laying around. This is so wrong
He’s putting your children in danger. You need to put their safety first. If somethihg happens to one of your children you will not only hate him, but hate yourself for allowing it. I’d have him watch educational programs and any testimonials you can find that might get through to him. If he refuses to listen, you’re going to have to have to make a decision. How important are your children to you?
Wait until someone robs you and finds your guns before you do.
Accident waiting to happen
He’s an asshole and your kids’ lives are in danger. He’s abusive and condescending to you. What more do you need to know?
He an abusive, dismissive prick. This behavior escalates (as you can probably see). He’s NOT a responsible gun owner, something the NRA prides itself on. His actions are reckless; basically an accident waiting to happen. Good luck babe.
Guns around children all i had to hear. Kids come first and if he cant grow up and learn the basics of gun ownership you need to leave.
It feels like this might not be the only time he has severely minimized your feelings like this, and I assume you might feel like you’re insane which is why you need reddit to tell you it’s ok to leave. I’m telling you that not only is it ok to leave him for this reason, you’re allowed to leave him for any reason!! You’re allowed to leave him just because you felt like it!
I’m not gonna tell you your relationship doesn’t stand a chance, that’s up to you, but you should absolutely leave the house even if you don’t break up. I don’t know how to put into words JUST how important gun safety is, but please consider your children… I shudder to think what could happen
Best of luck!! I really, really wish the best for you and your children
He is a dangerous idiot.
Leave and get custody, get video evidence to show he’s a dangerous idiot so you can ensure full custody.
Please take your children somewhere safe.
I’d leave him.
OP, leave him. There isn’t a man on earth that is more important than your children. If the kids get ahold of the gun and bad things happen, you will deeply regret it for the rest of your life. Your husband’s behavior and attitude about this shows that he doesn’t care for your life or the kids life. Why would you want to be around someone like this?
Sounds like your husbands personality involves a lot more around a political cult than it does your well being. This is not a place for you to remain happy and fullfilled when your husband doesnt even respect you.
This sounds like criminal negligence.
Get your kids out of there right now! You must know this is a disaster waiting to happen. If one of your kids uses a gun, you’ll be st fault as much as tour husband.
Why haven’t you gotten rid of this item that is more likely to kill your kids than an intruder? Your husband.is some sort of irresponsible asshole but it also sounds like you’ve had multiple instances of making the home safe and continue to enable his behaviour
Go find some of the videos of kids shooting people and make him watch them. Might scare him straight.
While I was living out of state, my boyfriend’s neighbor left the gun out and their three-year-old shot himself in the face not ten minutes later. My boyfriend and his grandmother heard the shot from next door, then the screams. Not the sirens though, not for a while. The funeral was closed casket, kid’s grandmother said there was basically nothing left.
I’m telling you this not to be edgy or hurt your feelings, but because you prefaced this post with a caveat about how much you love your husband and barely touched on the fact that there are loaded firearms on YOUR FLOOR. I don’t think you have nearly processed the gravity of the danger he is putting you and your children in. The NRA would certainly have some things to say about his “system.”
If you won’t leave, at least make your home safe. Buy gun safes. Put the weapons in the safe, away from your children. They will still be accessible to him, but not the children.
If he has an issue with that, that’s tough and not negotiable. He secures the weapons or you leave.