[Original post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15pqd3w/my_21m_girlfriends_dance_teacher_is_very/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
So we broke up.
I went over to talk to her about everything. I told her I did some research on ballet and understand it’s normal for teachers/instructors to touch their dancers even if it seems…more intimate then it should. She said shes happy that I’m realizing that what happened was no big deal. I told her it still makes me uncomfortable and asked her what she knows about her instructor. He’s definitely not gay (her words) and not married but doesn’t know if he’s involved with anyone.
I got a little upset. I asked her about her friends answer when I asked if he gets that handsy with other dancers. She laughed it off. I asked her if she would sleep with him if she were single and she asked if I really wanted the answer to that question. Which was my answer. I told her I’m super uncomfortable with a man who is clearly attracted to her, who she’s attracted to, touching her intimately. She said this is what I signed up for when we started dating and she’s not going to stop dancing and not requesting to change instructors.
I got upset and said I don’t feel like she’s respecting me or our relationship and she said I’m the one who isn’t being respectful and then said we should take a break. I agreed and then angrily told her I was going to send that video to her school and she said “go ahead, they won’t do anything about it”. I left her place after that.
I’m pissed off and heartbroken. It’s not my first relationship and I know it won’t be my last but it still sucks. So I’m hitting the club tonight with my brother and my two best friends and I’m gonna put in a face and make it seem like I don’t miss her at all.
28 comments
Good choice Brother. Focus on yourself and becoming a high quality man. Work out, eat well, find other men that are like minded and learn your purpose. You will do amazing things now that the anchor is cut/
You’re uncomfortable so you ended the relationship
She was dancing before you and it’s ridiculous for her to stop dancing when she likes it because of you
She likes dancing and learning more than you’re relationship. It’s good you and her know that
It wasn’t meant to be
Move on
You definitely didn’t respect her, it’s good thr relationship ended.
Next time maybe don’t pick a woman who already has a passion for a hobby that makes you jealous. This sounds exactly like Jonah Hill whining about his surfer girlfriend posting bathing suit pics as if she hadn’t been doing that long before him for her fucking job. Right down to your manipulative misuse of the word “boundary” to try and control *her*
Don’t listen to anyone in the comments. Your ex was letting a guy she wanted to fuck be handsy with her and she practically laughed in your face and said get over it when you said you were uncomfortable. Have a good time at the club and maybe you’ll meet someone
Eh most relationships don’t survive teens and early 20s you will have more fun if you remain detached and just have fun with it have mid to late 20s to settle down and get serious. Life is moments just enjoy the ones you get and keep moving.
Good choice.
This is not the type of girl you want to get into a relationship with at your age.
I mean her response was pretty fucking dumb. Even if she WOULD sleep with him. Never tell your partner that.
Sounds like it was a good decision. Time to move on!
I would look up that school’s policy on student-teacher relations or inappropriate contact. If this is a violation, it could be reported to the school. If the video is posted publicly, anyone can complain to the school. If they are concerned about the image of their school or teachers, either following or violating their own policies, they would address that instructor.
The video was taken in front of the class and posted to social media. That suggests it was not something that would be considered inappropriate.
This isn’t the relationship for you. But you also would benefit greatly from working on your insecurities for future relationships.
Make sure you get lots of pics and vids of you out having fun maybe with hotter girls and post them it will make her feel insecure
I hope you still send the video to the school, if anything inappropriate is going on, they should know. Better safe than sorry. Sure seems suspicious that she refuses to even talk about changing instructors and instead seems to be fixated on the idea that you’re telling her to stop dancing altogether.
Either way, she’s not your problem anymore, hope things get better for you!
OP, you should have reposted your original post here. A lot of the commenters clearly didn’t read it as they appear to not know about the inappropriate video of your ex with the instructor.
Don’t take a girl home from the club and start crying mid sex lol.
Jokes aside, you did the right thing. Regardless of whether you or your ex were right in this situation, it was clearly a case of incompatibility. You have every right, as does she and anyone else, to leave a relationship that makes you uncomfortable
She’s enjoying the attention and most likely is attracted to him. You did the right thing by breaking up with her and don’t take her back even if she begs you (which she will after the guy fucks her and she realizes she is just another conquest for him).
Dating in your early 20s is more like a trial run to see and learn more about yourself, but 100% percent put your heart into a relationship but don’t get to wrapped up in forever I know It doesn’t make sense now but it will
I feel like the school should know…
I mean he is blatantly touching young dancers, if that’s not a problem I don’t know how they operate
Taking a break, haha that’s just being single.
Good riddance. It definitely wasn’t innocent thus the giggling and commentary.
Do consider sending video to the school administration.
You did the right thing. Imagine how you would feel long term in relationship like that. I can assure you she would be crazy mad if you did the same kind od dancing and touching with some attractive mature lady. So do not fall for her BS excuses.
She broke, you’re up.
She expected you to be cool with a guy she said she’d sleep with rubbing her hand up her leg. Any self respecting guy with the same boundary would leave too. Good on you for leaving man. Keep that energy, it’ll do you good.
Move on OP.I am fairly sure she already did… in the bed with the ~~instructor~~ (dance teacher).So should you . Both of you are young.
NC and good luck with future relationships .
The way you’re describing him touching her is honestly what dance teachers do, especially ballet. Talk to anyone else who dances ballet and they’ll tell you – it’s how form is corrected and, for non dancers, can look really uncomfortable. There is nothing here that says he’s interested or unprofessional. She’s right – the school isn’t going to do anything. I suggest you look up some ballet content on YouTube and see.
The issue seems more that your gf is attracted to HIM. I get teacher crushes and calling him unprofessional isn’t fair. But your gf is trying to make something and her friends are trying to help the delusion. It just screams high school crush and her going ‘did you see the way he looked at meee’ and all her friends agreeing. You don’t have a teacher issue. You have an (ex) gf issue. And there are codes of conduct. No one is giving up their place at a prestigious school and facing possible legal repercussions for your gf. She basically just tossed her relationship for a dream that’s never happening.
OP, I’ve been in a similar situation and I went to counselling over it. I was around your age too. What I learned through that process is that those sorts of acts can kick your ego into overdrive and you feel so strongly that you need her back despite her being completely disrespectful towards you.
My ego landed me in misery for a long time to come. These types of people can have a strong pull over you. Stay strong. You’ve made the right choice and credit to you for doing that. You’ve already done better than I did.
If she tells u, let’s give it another try. Tell her ni because the moment she said, “u don’t want to know the and we should take a break ” the relationship is over because on the break she’s definitely gonna hookup with him and if he’s doesn’t want a relationship she will call u to work on things don’t take that call and move on. Good luck.
I suggest you send the video to the school. You both are young, and her more so. She clearly loves dancing to the point where she won’t do something that could harm her chances for success. This man is an authoritative figure in school. You don’t have to be underage to be groomed, and you don’t have to be underage to feel pressure from an authority figure. She’s barely of adult age and clearly put her eggs in one basket – dancing – and if she doesn’t want the advances she has very little ability to manage the change without obvious risk for retaliation.
I mean, seems like she’s very likely going to sleep with him *now*.